How do I explain my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate? (page 4)

Lilycurly

From my limited experience in the dating field...I can tell you that hidding a thing like that is useless.

If you want to get in a meaningful relationship with someone, better be honest and open from the start. When I first started dating, I always made sure to slip the subject of JWs in the conversation as soon as I could. If it bothered them, I would not have wasted more time talking to them. I was very nervous about that, to tell you the truth, like it was a big stigma or something.

But then I realised that everytime I would tell them I used to be a JW, the response would be. "Oh really?...So are you still one?" or "When/Why did you leave?"....and it was followed by an amused discussion about their silly teachings and door-knocking and the evils of cults....Not ONE guy cared that I had been in it. They just wanted to make sure I wasn't still in.

And dating sites are great! Don't let popular opinion keep you away from them. PlentyofFish.com is very funny, so are others. i've met great people from there and I've currently started dating a wonderful guy from an online site. It really opens doors.

james_woods

This has in fact turned out to be a truly great thread.

You know what I just thought of? Does anybody remember the famous poster Seven006? The guy that told the "freddy brown shoes" story?

If so, probably somebody would remember that other outrageous story he told about going to a nightclub for the first time (after divorcing the JW ex) and ending up taking home a "worldly woman". It reads like a Dickens novel (Pip and Estella of Great Expectations comes to mind...) of how hopelessly out of step a born & raised JW is in the dating scene. It turns out the chick kind of viewed him as an Edwardian unique experience - and I got the impression that she really did get the turtle out of the shell, so to speak. I'll bet wanderer will get snagged by some project seeker before very long.

James

PS - maybe you should invest in a Porsche (and I don't mean one of their Sport Utility types)...it seems to have worked for both Seven and myself in this area, as well as being a great tonic for the middle aged crazies. I would suggest either black or silver.

And thanks for the PM, wanderer.

jaguarbass

Hello Wanderer. To many worldly people, having been a JW is no big deal. The world doesnt revolve around the watertower society. Dont make a big deal out of it.

Morals: I dont know what you mean. The JW's I knew, many of them didnt have any. Thats not to say you cant have morals if they serve you. I think the world calls morals ethics. And theres situational ethics.

Would you try sites such as e-harmony, match.com
or would you consider an ex-witness first? Yes I'd try all of them.

I married my wife at 19. She was 17. Weve been married 33 years. I met my wife at the hall. For a teenage boy the hall was a good place to meet girls. This was back in the early 70's when Armegedon was right around the corner. If I was in the market today. I would say its a numbers game. Try your e harmony, I would take classes, not machine shop. Go to the gym, I see potential mates at the gym often. You want a biger gym not a little one. If you work with a lot of people theres a potential pool. You are close to 40 and most likely your prospective mate will not be a spring chicken either. Your both going to have some kind of baggage. Did you ever watch Seinfield? You know Putty. Be like Putty. Just be a shallow guy.

All things considered, this is the one thing that bothers me tremendously.
So much so, that it has kept me out of the dating scene let alone to be
properly wed.

If you want to play woody Allen, then your mate will be your analyst. But if you want a woman. Be like Nike "Just do it" or like Taco Bell You can dew et.

You sound like you need some confidence. Dont over think it. Keep it simple. Its a numbers game. Lets say your looking for Mrs Right. Well, if you dont develop any experience with Mrs. Wrong when Mrs. Right comes along you will be an inexperienced smuck.And you may blow your opportunity. So get out there start pounding the pavement. Make yourself 1 date a week and develop your abilities as a suitor.

Also if your looking for Mrs. Right, you have to be Mr. Right.

Oh yeah like some of the previous posters said churches. There a Unity church here in clearwater. It has some cool people. I see you are in Florida. I dont know if you are around Clearwater.

Those are just some of my thoughts. Good luck

Fe2O3Girl

Wanderer, thanks for your apology. I appreciate that it is impossible to detect the "tongue in cheek" quality when I am typing!

Rachel

Finally-Free

I don't hide the fact that I'm an ex jw. Whenever people see me act like a wacko they just chalk it up to my past cult membership, and they always cut me some slack. It's the perfect excuse for all sorts of bad behaviour.

Ok, it hasn't gotten me many dates though.

W

StillGroggy

this is an awesome thread. Thanks Wanderer, you really get the convo going!

You probably don't wanna break out the "I was in a cult" on the first date. However, people hit a point when they start discussing past & issues, and that's when you can talk about it. Get her on JWD! We can let her konw what its like!

There's allot of things people have in their past including sexual abuse, violent relationships, etc. Everybody's got something. Your past in the WT probably won't be too weird for anyone.

-SG

OnTheWayOut

How do I explain to a potential mate that for 14 years, I was
captured by an institution called the Watchtower Bible
and Tract Society?

That is not a great opening line for someone you first meet or first ask out on a date:
"Oh, I would love to go out with you, but first, let me warn you that for 14 years I was
one of Jehovah's Witnesses, you know, the cult that goes door-to-door."

Just don't mention it until it comes up naturally. When she first asks about your past,
casually mention that you used to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Don't give any detail.
If she sticks around (she will if she likes you, doubtful that she will run just from one little
bombshell from your past) it will make for great conversation, give a little more as you
get closer. It really should be no big deal- it's not like a prison past or a stalker/stalked
story.

Admittedly, though, I loved the standard of high morals that
I applied in my life as a Jehovah's Witness and still adhere
to them. And, I would love to find someone with the same
nice qualities that I am used to.

Most women will find a nice moral guy to be pleasant and welcome. There are plenty of
people with high morals out there. If it is a big deal, you haven't met your match yet, move on.

Would you try sites such as e-harmony, match.com
or would you consider an ex-witness first?

There is nothing wrong with using these, but people are everywhere. You will meet women at work,
at the store, at restaurants, at your best friend's party. Don't over-expect much from websites.
Try adding activities to your life that will cause you to meet people. If you love country music, go
to bars that have line-dances. If you love art, go to museums and galleries. If you go to tennis resorts,
you meet tennis players. The point is to do stuff that causes you to meet people. Since you say
you have high morals, don't put too much effort into club scenes. Try adult learning centers, book clubs,
charity fundraisers, stuff like that.

The thought of becoming wrapped up with a can-
didate from the Jerry Springer show mortifies me.

Move on to another woman when it is clear that it doesn't work out. Never hang on, hoping things will change.
You owe it to them and yourself to move on when you aren't interested.

Relax and don't put any pressure on anyone. You don't have to dump your lifestory on a second date, and you
don't have to expect them to stay with you just because they dated you for a few months. Just enjoy the ride.

LongHairGal

Wanderer (Rich):

You are a very proper and considerate person and might be whether you were a JW or not. The people here don't really mean any harm and they have probably been out a lot longer than you so they are more "outspoken". In time you will lose the JW lingo. You can't be blamed for this because it has been drilled into your head for god knows how long. After all, you just left the JWs recently.

You have a right to despise the morals of the world but I must warn you: there are some posters who feel "judged" or will be resentful towards a poster who seems too "pure" or moral. I don't know why that is because this IS a discussion board and all opinions are welcome.

In my experience, as far as discussing your experience with a potential date, go easy and don't unload it all on a first date (because it is a heavy-duty head trip).

Feel the person out and go easy.

LHG

daystar

there are some posters who feel "judged" or will be resentful towards a poster who seems too "pure" or moral.

It's probably less that than one portraying a sense of moral superiority over others.

I ask "what are 'worldly morals'"? Who decides what these are? Using the term "worldly" denotes a lack of distance from the JW mind-frame, which, sure, comes with time. And if so much else was so false about "the truth", what makes their instructed moral compass any less suspect?

I ask this not to challenge directly, but to cause questions.

I don't know why that is because this IS a discussion board and all opinions are welcome.

Certainly, but that does not mean that those opinions may not be called into question.

How do I explain my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate?

AK - Jeff