(Copied from my blog)
Anyone who's seen my posts on jwd knows that Im an active JW whos married in the religion. I recently started leaning my "family study" with my wife to a more free-thinking, personal researching mode. (Real studying) Between this and keeping up with the many hurdles of JW life (Meetings, Studying, Comments), I'd been doing a pretty good job of keeping my cover, while trying to get my wife thinking about her religion.
Until yesterday.
I almost blew my cover, and It's all thanks to this site right here. Myspace.
My wife is a well-indoctrinated JW. While being a free-thinker in nearly every other aspect of her life, she will NOT question the organization or anything that comes from the platform.
We were at a fellow JWs house, he's more of a liberal JW. We play violent video games together, and he and several of my other JW friends are on myspace.com.
To stay under the radar, as myspace is the flavor of the week, being demonized throughout the organization through talk after talk, I don't have a myspace (in my real name, ha!) So I am not a part of my JW friends myspace network.
Anyway, my wife decides to bring up myspace and everything that's wrong with it at this guy's house. (She later said she didn't know that he was on myspace) I have always felt uncomfortable speaking with people about what JWs consider "conscience matters" as different people have different ideas and these conversations generally end up with people having sore feelings towards each other and the stricter witness seeing the other as a "spiritual weakling" and "bad associate."
But the conversation continued, with my wife slamming the site and my friend defending it, I tried to avoid the conversation by leaving the room, but my wife pursued me. she asked what I thought. I said that I could see how it could be dangerous for some people but I can't in good conscience condemn it because I have several business and personal websites and I don't see myspace as any different.
I told her I didn't want to talk about it and that really set her off. She spat something at me about disagreeing with the "faithful and discreet slave" and I took offense. (This is a jw's way of accusing another of apostasy, which you can be disfellowshipped for).
After getting really angry with me and leaving the room, I went out after her and we had a lovely fight about it. We made up and the rest of the night went relatively normal.
Anyway, on the ride home she grilled me more about it. She said she just wanted to understand my mentality. Here's where I messed up, I asserted that "A conscience matter is anything that isn't in the bible. If something isn't in the bible, then I can't condemn people for it" This, of course doesn't go well with JWs since they go WAY beyond the bible in their lists of Dos/Dont's.
I said "What kind of conversation is this, any way I LOSE. They said NO MYSPACE and since I disagree with that, what point is there in talking about it!
I also said that "You can't condemn me for using my mind"
She said "Do you think I'm brainwashed! Im just following people who are guided by holy spirit!" and
"Do you like being in the truth?"
I couldn't blow my cover so I backpedaled and gave typical JW responses for the rest of her quesitons, talking about how I love the truth and wait on jehovah for things that don't make sense and that I'll eventually be set right.
Anyway, all my reasoning with my wife and trying to get her thinking about the bible and the organization seems to be going to waste.
The rest of the night and in my dreams I mourned the loss of my entire life and my wonderful wife to this mind-controlling cult. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will most likely end up shunned by all and will 99% likely lose my marriage to this battle.
Once I get my strength up, Ill be ready for war.
www.myspace.com/stillgroggy
Still Groggy: Double Agent's Blog #001 - "Pressure Building"
by StillGroggy 35 Replies latest jw experiences
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StillGroggy
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OnTheWayOut
I too, stare at the possibility of losing my wife to the cult. I hope I don't, but it is a struggle.
You already realize that you cannot win an argument against WT policies. The JW just
resorts to mantras such as "The light is getting brighter." "Spirit-directed organization."If you want to stay undercover, you still did okay. Present arguments against WT policy
but then stop short of proving you won the argument. Good Job. You now seem more
reasonable than your wife. She blindly obeys, but goes beyond command. You don't
insist on your point of view, but point to the Bible as your guide. You did good.I often feel that my reasoning with my wife and trying to get her thinking about the bible
and the organization seems to be going to waste, but truly, a dent or a chip in the armor
is never a total waste. Even if an avenue of reason doesn't work, you learn to pursue a
different avenue.CHEER UP. You did good.
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StillGroggy
Thanks onthewayout, I feel so depressed today, and your words gave me strength.
I feel really week after that argument yesterday. That's why I said I was getting my strength up -
fullofdoubtnow
I think you did pretty well SG. You didn't out and out challenge her, and you let her win the argument, or let her think she had. I reckon your cover is still intact. It sounds as if it's going to be very hard to dent her wts armour at the moment though, but I wish you luck in trying.
Linda
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SPAZnik
Hang in there.
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StillGroggy
Does anyone else think there's any significance to her bringing up "Im not brainwashed" Could that mean that she considers that she COULD BE. Because I NEVER used those words.
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cyberguy
StillGroggy,
Oh boy, your “family study” each week must be very interesting to say the least! Hehe!
Say, you did as well as can be expected given your brainwashed wife’s emotional response. However, one thing that I’ve had success with is asking basic questions about what JW’s actually believe about some topic. I’ve found that most of them cannot explain their most basic teachings! It is impossible to get somebody looking at WT doctrinal errors when the people don’t really know what is taught.
One example would be to review what JW’s really teach about 1914. A simple question would be, "According to WT, what did Jesus get in 1914 that he did not already have?" Then, wait for an answer. You’ll probably get a blank response. Then review some WT publication (like Require… p. 12, par 2, ) that states succinctly the WT teaching on the matter. At this point you have the person’s attention because this is a fundamental teaching that all JW’s should know, and they obviously don’t know it! Then read Matt. 28:18, 29, followed by a review Wt. July 1, 2004, p. 8, par. 3-4. Ask, “When did Jesus receive ALL authority?” WT says 1914, before then he only had a limited authority over his congregation according to WT (they cite Col. 1:13, see par. 4). Then ask, “When you read that account in Matt. 24, do you get the impression Jesus had to wait nearly 2000 years before actually getting ALL authority?” Also compare par. 4, and the sited scripture Eph. 1:20-23. Reason on the context, which clearly shows that “all government and all authority and power” was given upon his resurrection; once again, showing that Jesus did NOT have to wait. Finally, consider the information in the Insight Vol II, p. 61, under Jesus Christ, “The full significance of his ‘name’”. This article clearly contradicts the WT in showing when Jesus received ALL authority, namely upon his resurrection. “Which article has the correct understanding since both come from the “slave?””, you may then ask.
Anyway, this is just some friendly suggestions to try and jumpstart the thinking process with a JW.
Best regards,
Cyber
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fullofdoubtnow
Does anyone else think there's any significance to her bringing up "Im not brainwashed" Could that mean that she considers that she COULD BE. Because I NEVER used those words.
Maybe. I used to use expressions like that when I first got involved with the jws, and my friends used to accuse me of it. I later used to think it when I was having doubts, to convince myself I was a jw by choice, not because I was under mind control.
I would listen very carefully to what she has to say during the coming weeks and months, it could just be she isn't quite as certain of what she believes as she is making herself out to be. Perhaps there is more hope than you have been led to believe.
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StillGroggy
fullofdoubtnow, thank you for the insight
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bigmouth
You did all right Groggy. In my experience, the dubs are more susceptible to emotion than reason. After fading for 8 or 9 years, it was only when I got upset or angry about the org's behaviour that my wife paid serious attention to what I FELT.
Would that work for your wife?
Pete.