hi my name is crystal...i am 20 and was disfellowshipped two years ago. that was the hardest thing i have ever been thru in my life yet.
i was disfellowshipped for falling in love with and having relations with another female. tried to fight it for a long time... but shit happens. i made the decision that i no longer wanted to be a witness wen i was 16...but livin wit my family...u aint got no choice but to do whatever they say til yer 18 and move out the crib. so 18 came...i booked.
i have a younger bro who now just turned 17 but was 15 wen i was disfellowshipped. has anyone here dealt with what its like to hear your own father mother bro sis...etc say goodbye to you in the most emotional unbearable way? it was so bad for my ma that she had to be checked in2 a mental institution for a while. my girlfriends brother went to school wit my brother and said his eyes were all black and puffy. he would break down crying inthe middle a nowhere.
yet how can they say they "love" their own [edit] daughter so much and yet disown me. i see them out time to time and they look past me like they dont know me.
i became suicidal after all this went down. but i just couldnt do it no more. sorry for being gay....shit you aint god. if jehova gonna kill me let him deal with that when it comes...who are you to leave me? n leave me in a time where im really growin up, makin it on my own and becoming who i am??
the last time i talked wit my fam was horrible....it was horrible emotional anytime i talked to em after i got disfellowshipped but the last time i did was [edit].
i bought a new 06 scion. dropped by their crib to show em. they liked it and invited me in....made me food. it waslike old times...like we were a family again. they didnt ask about my lifestyle or my girlfriends or anything. all a sudden my mom keeps bringin up an old jw friend a mine. i told her quit talkin bout my old friends...she brought it up a few more times and i snapped. so she tells me the best way she can that my 16 yr old LITTLE [edit] brother is is dating my ex best friend who is 21 [edit] years old!!! WHAT [EDIT] IS THAT?!? u dont have nothin to do wit your daughter cuz she happens to like females! yet u lettin yer son mess wit some bitch that 5 years older than him! i got so mad and told them i never wanna talk to em again. is it just me or is that ridiculous?!?!
i hate everything about disfellowshipping. it been 2 years...2 years ago i thought that by now i would be ok. but i slip into these horrible depressions that drive me crazy....well...
any comments i would appreciate. i know a lot a you relate. just wanna hear was up on yer end a things. thanks