I dealt with this situation for many years.
One time I invited my mom to see my son in a little school play. She agreed to come and I was so happy! The play was near the time of Martin Luther King's birthday so they had a sing-along-song before the performance. Well, my mom could not tolerate that. She immediately left the auditorium and stood out on the back deck of the school. I went out to get her when the play started but she refused to come in. She said, "You didn't tell me this was a birthday party for MLK". I was beyond angry and hurt.
I had made it clear to my mom that I didn't want her to "witness" to my kids. When they were small I thought she was respecting my wishes and allowed them to spend some time with her. After she died, I found some of her papers including some time she had counted for my older son.
The whole thing just makes me incredibly sad. I'm not angry with my mom - she just wanted to please Jehovah and was following the rules laid out by the WTBTS. I just hate what this religion does to families.
I hope you can remain loving towards your mom. Your kids will just accept her as kids do. But it may hinder them from having any real relationship with her.
Eva
I can't be proud of my kids!
by WANTMOMBACK 24 Replies latest social family
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evita
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rebel8
Why do schoolchildren in Australia sing America the Beautiful?
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jgnat
Humm, first of all, I think you need to go through a grieving process for all you've lost. Your mom is never going to be the loving grandma you yearn for. Other families go through this. They may lose a parent through illness, mental illness, or death.
AFTER you've come to acceptance for who your mom is, find ways she CAN add to your life. How about picnic in the park, all paradise-like? You can always bring along a beach ball. It may be a very small role, but that's what it is.
For their own protection, I think your children need SOME foundation on where grandma is coming from. Not the crazy stuff, but the bible stories of David and Goliath, the Good Samaritan, stuff like that. There's a GREAT set of (very positive) videos designed for the kiddie set. They're called Veggie Tales. http://www.bigidea.com/
Finally, as your children get older, teach them to critically think through their choices, using the mind God gave them. Here's a small booklet oriented for children (rather dorky) that lays out the principles of critical thinking:
http://www.criticalthinking.org/resources/tgs/critical-thinking-for-children.shtml
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parakeet
"How do most people explain to their children about why grandma and grandpa never come to their birthday party or any holiday function?"
The single most important thing that a young child needs to know is that it's not the child's problem if his parents and grandparents disagree about something. The last thing a child needs to be caught in a tug-of-war between parents and grandparents. I advise that you insist to your parents that if they have a problem with their grandchild celebrating holidays, they should talk to you, NOT the child. -
Hoping4Change
Perhaps there is another thread from the past on this, but how do families with one JW member (woman) and a non-member (male) cope with some of these issues with both parents being respectful (and non-insultive) of the others spirituality?
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jgnat
but how do families with one JW member (woman) and a non-member (male) cope with some of these issues with both parents being respectful (and non-insultive) of the others spirituality?
It takes a lot of work by both parties. If JW's would actually TAKE the advice in the Secret to Family Happiness book, there might be more peaceful homes. The JW is SUPPOSED to be patient and respectful, modelling by example that theirs is the superior choice. In practice, however, the JW gets cranky and sneaky in their efforts to conform to expectations from the hall.
You could always pull the "head of household" card. She should not be running to the elders for spiritual advice or personal problems. She should be working those things out just between the two of you.
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WANTMOMBACK
When I was registering I put that for the reason that I was worried my sister would find this. That's all!! But I can understand the confusion!! LOL
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Hoping4Change
How well/far does the 'head of household' principle go? Dont they teach that the principle applies only so far as the HOH doesnt ask anything non-scriptual of the JW mate, at which point the JW mate should follow the bible and Jehovah, "as the WTBTS teaches"? It seems that anything an UBM may suggest that doesnt go along with current JW teachings could be deemed as 'non-scriptual' so a JW wife wouldnt have to go along with the HOH principle. Children are a good example. A HOH may say that a child is not to be raised with witness teachings, but the JW wife could claim this is 'unscriptual' and against her religious principles so she is allowed to ignore the HOH principle. I am guessing this gets sorted out differently for each case, but is there an 'official' JW stance on what a JW wife should do if their UBM doesnt or wont allow a child to be raised with JW teachings?
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bikerchic
Why do schoolchildren in Australia sing America the Beautiful?
rebel8 a lot of posters do this for this reason:
When I was registering I put that for the reason that I was worried my sister would find this. That's all!! But I can understand the confusion!! LOL
Unless you see a concern that the person is an obvious troll just accept that so many here have to hide their true identity for fear of being discovered and suffering cruel consequences of having been in a cult.
WANTMOMBACK I think parakeet said it best:
The single most important thing that a young child needs to know is that it's not the child's problem if his parents and grandparents disagree about something. The last thing a child needs to be caught in a tug-of-war between parents and grandparents. I advise that you insist to your parents that if they have a problem with their grandchild celebrating holidays, they should talk to you, NOT the child.
You are the parent, it's your chance to instruct your children, your parents had their chance. With the bolded part above I advise you put your big girl panties on and deal with it! TIC
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jgnat
Hoping4Change, the JW wife is SUPPOSED to make accommodation to the "unbelieving" spouse. There is specific direction and examples in the literature. For example, I'm pretty sure the wife is to cook Thanksgiving dinner if requested. But she can abstain from the prayer, of course.