Okay, here's my story. (page 3)

nelly136

they will probably never be pleased for you, they'd have been much happier you'd gone out fell flat on your face and had to go crawling back, every achievement you make in their eyes prolly takes you another foot away from having to return to the jw grind stone. maybe theyre even secretly a little jealous.

you've got to look at what you've achieved in such a short time in spite of them (as well as bailing them out...did they say thanku?) with new eyes, just cos they dont approve really doesnt make it wrong

you should be patting yourself on your own back, you've earnt it, now you've just got to let yourself enjoy it.

Kaput

Thanks to the Witnesses, I have parents who tell me repeatedly that they are disappointed in me and can never unconditionally love me, even though I've begged them for that so many times that at one point I drove myself to the ER because I knew I was going to kill myself. I am financially independent, have bailed them out financially, skipped grades, won a scholarship, have 2 degrees with honors, and I volunteer all over the community. And they still tell me they are disappointed in me. So I cry in the shower because I can't win; I can't be a JW and dead inside for them. I have to be myself. Do these feelings ever go away? Will I ever make them see that I'm a good person? Please help me.

The key sentence is when you say "I have to be myself." This is what it's all about. The dubs, on the other hand, are all about pleasing a god who will never be pleased. Try not to worry about what others think. Relocate if necessary. Live your life for you. It may, quite possibly, be the only life you've got.

drew sagan

You're getting lots of advice on this forum. Let me tell you what has helped me. I hope it is of assistance.

I felt a ton of guilt and shame I felt being a JW. I could never live up to what they want you to be. I never did enough of what I felt I had to do. This of course was their the entire time I was JW. It was during a peroid where I felt I had to 'make the truth my own' I started to come across information about the organization and it's teachings. Things I have known existed before, but where to scared to look at. I began to read alot of ex-jw stuff online, surfed this board alot (but never posted) and then finally one day read a book called Crisis of Conscience. After all this time I realized that the problem wasn't me, but it was the religion I was a part of! A religion that had to lie, cheat, and abuse it's members in order to keep control. I realized that the people I know and love who are in the organization are not being mean because they are mean people. It is because their minds have been taken captive by an abusive religion.

I wish you the best. It's great to hear stories every day on this board of people getting the courage to walk away from this religion. It hurts people, you found it out and left. Good for you.

I would also say that you need to realize where your parents are at this point. They are victims just like you. What they are saying is what the organization tells them to say. Time will fix things. The more you grow and learn about the WTS and all they have done the more you will understand. Knowledge is power!

-Drew

Alpheta

"I am financially independent, have bailed them out financially, skipped grades, won a scholarship, have 2 degrees with honors, and I volunteer all over the community. And they still tell me they are disappointed in me. So I cry in the shower because I can't win..."

Hi Sundawn,

My life was changed unbelievably for the better years ago when I read Dr. Dwayne Dwyer's "Your Erroneous Zones" (I'm pretty sure that is his name, but it's been a long time since I read the book). Your local library may have it, if not I'm sure you can find it in a second hand book store or online just about anywhere. It's about the tricks people use to emotionally blackmail others in order to control them, or make them miserable if they "refuse" to be manipulated - and how to avoid falling into those traps. Please read it, it will help, I guarantee! This has nothing to do with being or not being a JW, per se, but we know that JWs are honed experts as using the "conditional love" crap.

Edited to add: Oops - I just read Jaguarbass' post - guess I have the author's name wrong - Wayne Dyer, not Dwyane Dwyer, lol! But the name of the book is right "Your Erroneous Zones" - it will really help, honestly.

Alpheta

becca1

Welcome! We are here to help. I hate to tell you but at 47 I still feel the pain the comes with the lack of unconditional love from my parents. You never get over it because it sets the stage for your self-esteem and all future relashionships. But, don't get bogged down it thise feelings. They will come and go all your life but do your best to rise above them. If you become a parent, make a pact with yourself to give your children unconditional love and undo the cycle. Rejoyce in watching them grow and become their own person. Surround yourself with true people who love you for who you are and don't judge you. Revel in your own accomplishments and pat yourself on the back whan you achive a goal. When you fail at something, learn from it but don't beat yourself up. Rise above it and move on. You sound like an intelligent, dynamic person. You have what it takes to succeed in life regardless of what your parents think. Hang in there, surely you'll feel better tomorrow.

Jef

My suggestion is to feel many emotions. You feel sad and disappointed your parents can't be proud of you. But anyone with that mentality can't be proud of you and that makes me mad. This is gonna be an emotional time so feel them - sad mad irritated disgusted hopeless hopeful sick scared etc...

New experiences will bring you new emotions and you will discover how great life is!

Your parents have an accounting too they need to love their daughter so that she can be proud of them for being parents. You did your job as a daughter they need to do their job as parents.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Its gonna be ok though:)

JimWood

Questions about sex are normal in JC, even when your not in one for sex. My wife and I were told about porn in our JC meeting about the UN.

jwfacts

That is a very sad story, but you have made it out, so don't underestimate how amazing that makes you.

You will never get over your parents lack of love, but you can control how that makes you feel, if you understand why they are like that. My parents have been the same, my mother has sent me the most scathing attacks. At first it made me depressed, but I have come to accept that is not who they are, they are led by mind control. It is very hard for them to leave due to Cognitive Dissonance. Imagine how hard it would be for them to admit the religion is wrong, that they devoted their lives to a lie, and it is their fault that you had to suffer so much in your congregation.

Never give up hope that they may leave to, but you need to accept that you can not change your parents, and that you will not let that affect the remainder of your life. That is the only way to cope and not keep slipping into depression.

Phil

sun

Phil

sundawn

Why on earth would you reveal such intimate details to a relative stranger.

Okay, here's my story.

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