Is marriage an outdated institution

free2beme

60% of all marriages fail. There is no perfect formula that works for everyone, to keep a marriage together and strong. With these in mind, you have to wonder sometimes, if marriage is even worth it. Personally, it seems to me that marriage in America has become more encouraged to support the multi-million dollar industry that has grown around it, then for the actual idea of marriage itself. I see people get married all the time, both young and old, and they always think this marriage will last and rightfully they should. For it they did not believe that, they should not get married in the first place. At the same time, they all admit, that if it does not work and they want out, there is always divorce. Why marry though? Society does not even look down on people living together anymore. In fact, I think I heard once that people are living together in larger percentages, then married couples are. While marriage looks so romantic and great, it is extremely painful and difficult to end legally. While living together can be as simple as packing up and leaving. While children can come about in bother situations, kids today are not all hung up on whether mom and dad are husband and wife. I know we were all in the religion, and felt marriage was the only acceptable thing. Yet like myself, I bet you can not even remember the large number of couples you saw divorced as Witnesses. So even those who claim it is perfect, show proof every day that it is not. So, is marriage becoming and outdated institution or is it something that is still extremely relevant?

lonelysheep

Nothing against anyone....

It is outdated and serves no purpose other than the legal entities not allowed to a person without it. I just don't see a point in putting a legal contract on a relationship in the name of love rather than purely for legal reasons alone (wanting to change your name, joint property, etc).

It's not something I would ever do again. Yes, mark my words.

frankiespeakin

I think it is getting out dated. It serves a purpose to keep people together to raise a family. But often times once the knot is tied people find that this is not the person they want to spend the rest of thier life with.

free2beme

Here is a thought, for LDS people, it is not illegal to have several woman to live with you and be your life long partner. It is only illegal if you make it a legal marriage, what is the difference? Nothing physically changes, only legally. Marriage is about being control by law.

lonelysheep

Marriage is about being control by law.

Exactly.

Madame Quixote

As far as I know, co-habitation is illegal in my state. In fact, I think there was some law suit (locally) recently over a woman claiming her landlord or boss (or something like that) was discriminating against her family due to their lack of a marriage contract. In the US, co-habitation is illegal in many states. I'm quite sure it's illegal in NC, although rarely enforced; it's like trying to enforce laws about how to have intercourse; it's just not worth bothering with, unless you want to harass or discriminate against someone you dislike. Marriage is a good way for the government to tell itself that it's caring for children and families. Like bastardy bonds, it morally gets the gov off the hook for taking care of vulnerable citizens/dependents (whether parents really care for their kids or not).

free2beme

Often when I hear someone is getting married young. I thinking, "Never too young to get started on that first divorce." Anyway, there are a lot of odd laws on the books that we placed there in the early days of our country. I know that it would not be enforced though.

zagor

Well, I remember as a dub going from door to door talking about the paradise, death, hell and rest of it,
This elderly gentleman was just there listening to me and then finally spoke out. "Son, I'll tell you what the paradise and what the hell are. When your marriage clicks and works well there is no greater paradise on earth, but when it doesn't it is worse then hottest depths of hell"

I didn't even know back then that I was in time to find out how true his words were. My marriage was rosy fo maybe 10-15 days. That was my paradise. I didn't even realize how easily that paradise can turn into hell on earth. I went through motions and routines of life trying to build relationship the best way I could, to the point when it literally started destroying me. I came to realize that for any relationship to work both sides must work on it and not only one, otherwise it is doomed. Which is exactly the case with many marriages today. People are expecting things without giving anything in return or taking each other for granted. It is sad when you see that a man can tell things to his mates he cannot tell to his wife or wife telling things to her girlfriends or mom that should be landing only on ears of her soul mate - husband.
The very core of marriage is not sex, it is communication. Of course, sex would be closly running number two, but if there is no communication not even sex will mend the wounds. Trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Of course, even communication will not work if it is only one-way street, I became a master communicator with my ex but it still wouldn't work. Looking back now I can see that there were really very few things we enjoyed doing together as a couple. And that's the thing, what is keeping two people together other than bills, house and children?. If you cannot find adequate answer to that question then your marriage is already dead. You better stop kidding yourself. Mind you too many times married people were truly never meant to be together considering how destructive influence one can have on another, as it was the case in my marriage. We were truly better off to go separate ways.

Considering all of that am I against marriage? The answer is 'no'. But I would never rush into one again (we got married after 2 months). Two people have to have relationship first, they have to be able to feel each other's soul and understand its depths. They have to enjoy each other's company, so when they are together they don't need somebody else constantly with them to make them feel better; they must have understating for each other which goes beyond understanding for mates or girlfriends; and lines of communication must be open and not closed most of the time; equally what one gives away must be what the other really needs so that relationship fulfills most needs particularly in terms of intimate communication, likewise they have to have things they enjoy doing together and are looking forward to those moments. Of course, there must be physical attraction too, when communication works the sex with your partner is the sweetest thing in the world and you will never look for that satisfaction elsewhere. We people are powerful combination of physical and spiritual (and I don't mean in religious kind of way) so both of those sides must be equally satisfied to its fullest extent, because that is what relationship is all about.

Considering all of that, you cannot get married and then try putting those building blocks together. It ain't gonna work. You must have time before to get to know each other and as long as it takes. And by all means live together only then will you be able to get to know somebody for real. Constant courtship is nothing. It of course doesn't mean you should not have friends, mates, girlfriends, moms, dads, etc in your life, far from it. They all add to the flavor. But your relationship must be a big priority. If a couple think about each other only when they have morning coffee (actually in many cases even that is a stretch) and not at other times during a day then something is truly wrong. People that eagerly are awaiting to be together again or to talk to each other even if it is only for few minutes a day, when they wake up or phone each other at work, are truly meant to be together.

jaguarbass

So, is marriage becoming and outdated institution or is it something that is still extremely relevant?

I dont know the answer to your question. What I think marriage is. Marriage is a legal aggreement to share finances. At least in the Usa, I think it is.

mrsjones5

the answer to that question depends on whether you want to be married or not.

Is marriage an outdated institution

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