I had JW family that did that Nic when we were "pillars" in the congregation. It made it easier for us to leave.
Blondie
F***ing cult!
by nicolaou 28 Replies latest social family
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hambeak
Hey Nic I truly understand how angry and hurt you are, I have been there and really still am. To keep your sanity and keep away from depression you need to let them go. That sounds harsh and cruel but that religion has a control that only fellow ex-dubs can understand. Unless you want to go back they will never have anything to do with you as long as they believe you are apostate. It is fear they have and that has been put there by the borg.
Good luck
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Oroborus21
you are right Nic i don't know the personal details..but you posted in a public forum.
My point is that you don't want a religous relationship with your family. You could care less about their religious opinions of you. And they aren't going to change you....so why make this about religion at all.
You say its been 5 years and they have ignored you..but then you also throw out, rather dubiously i would say, "why dont they try and save you?" knowing a) the answer already and b) knowing that any efforts they put into it would be futile and c) knowing that you don't really want them to push their JW "cult" (to use your term) upon you.
so if your post is to be taken seriously one can only view it as a question of wanting some relationship and family bond back (but without the JWness).
That's why i say again stop blaming them and create your own relationship with them on your own terms. Be sensitive to putting them in an awkward position and they would probably be open to enjoying a healthy brotherly relationship with you.
-Eduardo
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Sunspot
Eduardo...........meet WVPeach. I am sure you have a LOT in common....and would really enjoy one another's company.......
Annie
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nicolaou
Eduardo
Let me try to help you understand. My sisters were 'raised in the Truth' from birth. At 33 and 38 they are both childless pioneer sisters, married to Elders. There whole lives revolve around their faith. Surely the most natural reaction they would have to seeing me 'drift away' would be to try and pull me back?
You say I'm not interested in having a religious relationship with them - I didn't say that. I'm not religious at all but it was a huge part of my life for over 30 years and remains so for my sisters so of course religion would - and should - be a part of our relationships, at least insomuch as we could talk about it!
Yes, of course their efforts would be futile and of course I would never go back to the cult, but they don't know that! Why aren't they trying?!! Why is this so hard to comprehend.
I just want to be a part of my sisters lives, warts, cult and all.
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nicolaou
That's why i say again stop blaming them and create your own relationship with them on your own terms. Be sensitive to putting them in an awkward position and they would probably be open to enjoying a healthy brotherly relationship with you.
I don't blame them, I blame the Watchtower Cult who've messed with my family's minds. That's where this dysfunctional behaviour comes from. And you know what? It's not always a bad thing to put the ones you love in an awkward position, it can help them to clarify issues in their own minds.
One more thing Eduardo, how healthy can any sibling relationship be that is not open and honest? I don't want the most important part of my sisters lives shut off from me.
God!
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FreeChick
Sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. It's difficult to be cut off from those we love, especially family.
FreeChick
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Wasanelder Once
I have a niece that I love very much. She's married and nearly thirty. I get no calls, no letters, nothing since I faded. We were very close. I know that its because I opened my mouth out of frustration about some of the truth I've learned, the UN and WT history. I only mentioned it once. Her response was tears and a firm, "I don't know who you are anymore!". Now that one stung. It showed me that she had only one possible way of seeing me and it didn't exist for her anymore. The change was in ME, not in her. I accept that now and will not talk about JW crap anymore with her. I'm going to try and rebuild the relationship from a nuetral and familial angle. I miss being close, but recognize that she loves me a great deal and take comfort in that. I make the first move. Her husband is a twit.
I understand what Eduardo is saying, and I'm sure you see the merit in it to some degree too (as an alternate view). It just isn't going to work with some. Remember, you changed and not them. I think that's important to admit to ones self.
W.Once
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undercover
Eduardo... I can see where you're coming from and looking at it from a strictly impersonal and analytical way, you have a point...
But...
...it doesn't change the fact that family shunning us for leaving the religion hurts. We didn't want to leave our families, we wanted freedom from the oppressive religion. Some of us are lucky to have some of our family to look beyond the religious aspects of our lives and still socialize with us while others have had their entire family shut them out completely. The experience that Nic is sharing shows that. His sisters can find time to encourage and preach to complete strangers but can't find the time to even ask about him. LT has a brother who ignores him.
Sure, Nic and LT can take steps to keep in touch with family and do all the work to try to have some semblance of 'family' but it doesn't change the hurt and anger that can come from having this f'd up religion influence people enough to ignore their own flesh and blood.
Sometimes you just have to vent that hurt and anger...and who else other than people who have gone through the same nightmares will understand and possibly offer encouragement? Maybe you meant to be helpful, but it came across as uncaring and overly critical.
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carla
That's why i say again stop blaming them and create your own relationship with them on your own terms.-----
Nothing with a jw is on 'your' terms ever. It is always on their terms or that of the elders and cong. You should know that! Our non jw terms are always evil and satan inspired you know.