F***ing cult!

by nicolaou 28 Replies latest social family

• 

  LittleToe

  Eduardo:
  Are you really such an ignorant tosser in real life?

  My sister has similarly attempted to engage our brother. She invited him to her wedding. The result? He phoned Bethel to see what he should do about our parents attending.

  This year we attempted to club together to send our parents on a two-week trip to Spain for their milestone anniversary. He decided he wanted no part in it because we were involved. Stuff him - we did it anyway!

  The bottom line? People try their darndest, but only get rejected for it, especially when a cult is involved... oh, and as a font of all knowledge you don't know jack!
• 

  Stealth453

  Yes it does. But remember, you are where you should be. Out of that F***ing cult. It's hard to miss family, but it's a damn site better that wasting your life with that bunch of life robbers. (the watchliar sociopath society). Move on bro, and experience what real life is all about. One day, you will be glad you did.
• 

  gordon d

  Chill everyone!
  Eduardo seems like he might be saying, "Yeah life sucks... but whining about it doesn't help anything...NOW get back in there and kick some butt!" Maybe hes's a coach????
  
  I Know this approach doesn't work for everyone but this approach did work for me. Got right back in their face and let them know that I was not the Anti-Christ... that the Anti-Christ actually was a sweet lady in Canada named Mouthy!... Loved your New pic!!!
  
  Sorry you're hurting Nic... Don't give up mate!
• 

  parakeet

  JW relatives have one of two reactions when you leave the cult. (1) They harass you to distraction as to why you've left and why you should come back, or (2) they shut you out. Both reactions are cruel and cause pain because we expect our relatives to continue to love and support us no matter what. This is what a family is supposed to be.
  
  I often sympathize with posters who tell us about JW relatives who snipe at them, who slip WTs into their coat pockets, who try to preach to them instead of loving them (my JW mother is like that). But I believe, also from personal experience, that the relatives who shut us out cause the most pain.
  
  For years after I left (fader, not DFed or DAed), I would regularly call and visit my JW brother (an exBethelite and an elder). He was always outwardly pleasant, and I had the fond illusion that he was still my brother and that he loved me. But as the years went on, and I saw that he never initiated any calls or visits on his own, I finally realized that he didn't really care about me any more (if indeed he ever had). I almost never see him now, except for the rare occasions when I bump into him at my mother's house. It's very painful to realize that he's written me off as a sister and a human being.
• 

  mouthy

  Well I am happy the world knows that about me>>> that the Anti-Christ actually was a sweet lady in Canada named Mouthy!... Loved your New pic!!!
• 

  mouthy

  Loved your New pic!!! Ha! ha! but I have a new one coming in the next few days. I thought if the Queen can have HER picture on everything ME as the ANTICHRIST should also LOL
• 

  willyloman

  Surely the most natural reaction they would have to seeing me 'drift away' would be to try and pull me back?

  That's what I thought, too, but the more time I am out, the more I realize how selfish the JW mindset is. The whole thrust of the religion is that a select few have all the answers, have a unique and special relationship with God, get to inherit paradise Earth, etc. For them are reserved all those really nice houses they see out in service. They will get the last laugh sometime when Armageddon comes and the doubters are shown to be wrong. They are so invested in the whole thing (like your Pioneer, childless sisters). Dude, they can't be wrong -- It would just kill them!
• 

  Oroborus21

  Thanks for the backing Gordon...

  my whole belief is that we (that is ex JWs, inactives, or in my case DF'd JWs who have JW family members) should not let them (JWs or the Society) dictate the terms of our familial relationships. If we sit back and wait around for them to come into our lives they are not going to do it (some will but these don't usually leave off associating in the first place). There are a lot of reasons for this as we all know and I think the loving and kind thing is to be sensitive to them, even if we don't agree with them.

  I believe that it is helpful to burst the bubble of illusion that life is only happy and good as a JW. Thus the more that we share our lives, without a direct confrontation over our religious differences, the more that illusion is pierced. The more and more they, JWs, begin to consider that there are alternatives to having a happy life. I think that approach is more useful to eventually penetrating their defenses.

  Yes as Nic says being a JW is a major part of their self-identity and ideally sharing and communicating, even discussing such topics as religion, faith, etc. would be a normal and natural part of our relationship with JW family. But we all know that is not the case (for most JWs) at the present time. I also think it is disingenuous to complain about not being (preached) to by "cult" members.

  The fact is that when it comes to our JW relatives we can't have our cake and eat it too. Under present conditions, JWs are not completely free to make the choice to associate with opposed-family members without consequence. This is wrong but it is reality and to ignore this reality is to simply be selfish.

  If our relatives do tolerate our association, even if we be opposed or in conflict with some or all of JW religion, we should make the most of the opportunity to do so. There may be times when we can challenge things more directly and I am not one for backing down or holding one's tongue in the face of outspoken falsity. But one need not deliberately seek to stir up conflict or provoke discomfort just for the sake of it. (Personally I don't consider that to be imitating Christ's example.)

  It isn't going to work in every case and there are some JWs who won't even give their non-JW family a chance. That's too bad but its no reason not to continue to try. I happen to believe that it is possible to love people into reason and truth and even if it doesn't happen it is the way to be IMHO.

  -Eduardo
• 

  garybuss

  My .02.

  I made the mistake of thinking because a man was my brother that he might care for me. I was wrong and he corrected my thinking. I came away from that last meeting with my mother's other son, understanding that he sees me as his enemy. He told me I'm not welcome to talk if my speech doesn't agree with his thoughts, and he told me I represent everything in the world that he hates.
  
  That clearing the air speech he gave to me, made the time spent by me grieving for my lost delusions rather short. There's something about realizing a person hates me that makes it easy not to want to be around that person anymore.
  
  The only things I did lose were my own illusions and delusions. My only real job was to accept that I can't make a fantasy come true by wishing for it to be true and I can't change a person who hates me. I don't love my mother's son because he's unlovable by me. I certainly don't hate him but I don't grieve for my delusions either. I guess we must have offended each other. People raised together in a home with no healthy boundaries often do that.
  
  That's why unhealthy parents are so offensive to adult children. They think all their old rules still apply and they think their old unhealthy no boundaries tactics still are okay. They're not okay and they're not gonna work. The flare ups happen when somebody starts to get a little healthy. The person who liked the old ways will usually recoil and strike back and a breach has been formed. Often those fractures last a lifetimes.
  
  They virtually always do when there's a discouraging element like a high control religious group like the Jehovah's Witnesses in the formula. My personal way to deal with it all has been to accept it and move on. Moving on to me, means trying to help others who welcome help from me. The only value my loss has is in the way my loss can help others. That makes my role a role of delivery. Here's what happened to me. How can I help?
  
  The question to me that still amazes me is that after a person reads my story, they still will ask me how to get their relative or friend to leave the Witnesses. It's a little like after reading the account of the Titanic striking the ice burg and sinking, the person who just read the account, asks how to buy a ticket on the Titanic.
  
  If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't have had a story to write. Ya don't ask a person who just wrecked his car for driving lessons.
  
  I can tell these people what I don't know. I don't know how to do everything they want to do. :-) I can tell them how to avoid all the mistakes I made and after I finish, they still will ask me how to get their relative or friend to leave the Witnesses. :-)