How soon, is too soon, to remarry after your spouse dies.

free2beme

My sister in law lives next door to an elder, and his wife. Has done so for years, and because of this, I know this elder a little too. Not that we are close friends now, but when we were Witnesses in the 1990's, we were friends with him and his wife. They had three children, all fully grown now, and had been married about thirty years. Last year, the wife was feeling sick for a long period of time and went to the doctor, and the test came back with what we fear most, "YOU have CANCER!" She kind of went down hill fast from that point, and her husband was having a hard time dealing with it. My sister in law spent a lot of time helping, as did the rest of the congregation. Within 90 days of finding out she had cancer, she died. Scary how fast that could happen. Well even scarier is what happened 60 days later, her husband remarries. Not to someone he met and knew for years, but rather a long time friend of his wives who he only met once and hardly knew, but got introduced to at her memorial. While I understand the needs of some people, to need someone to be with, the ink on his wife's death certificate was hardly even dry, by the time he was signing a wedding certificate. Does this seem too soon to you too? How long is to short? She died one year ago this December, and he will celebrate his one year anniversary in February.

MsMcDucket

I think that he stuck by his wife in sickness and health. What more can you ask?

free2beme

I think that he stuck by his wife in sickness and health. What more can you ask?

I don't fault him for his actions. As they do feel that once she died, their marriage was over. I just would think that there needs to be a healthy grieving period. From the time she was told that she had cancer, to the time he remarried was less then six months. If he had stood by an illness longer, and experienced more, I might have understood. I have had injuries that took longer to heal.

OnTheWayOut

I am on board with you thinking this is too soon FOR MY TASTE. I emphasize FOR MY TASTE because everyone is different. I had a grandfather who did the exact same thing, up and married a casual friend of my grandmother after she passed away, only a couple of months after the burial. Experts say this means that the man loved his departed wife, and saw himself with somebody all his life, so he got somebody else right away. You and I might view it as a replacement, a rebound, too quick, but that person facing this situation views it as a tribute to marriage and to the departed spouse. My grandfather was with his new wife for more than 20 years, very happily.

I try to overlook what others do that I would not do. I would never marry a woman twenty years younger (or older) than me, but that's my taste. Unless it's your grandfather marrying some Anna Nicole Smith type, and squandering your inheritance, forget about it. All parties involved know what they are getting, so it's their taste that counts.

FreedomFrog

I agree with MsMcDucket. He stood by his wife even through the sickness part.

Personally his decision to move on rather than allow himself to become very depressed is very commendable. I really don't think anyone can say "how soon is too soon" because each person is different and handles things differently. If they are happy, then I would give them my blessing.

outoftheorg

Actually for him it requires that amount of time needed to regain his mental and emotional abilities.

The loss of ones wife,lover, friend is mentally destructive and it takes more or less time to heal and able to really assess the person and yourself as to if you are doing what is best for themselves and especially if there are young children involved.

The same things are required for the ladies well being.

I can see him in a life of desperation and trying to replace his wife. But she must be a crack pot.

Unless she is in the same desperation.

Good luck, they will need it.

Outoftheorg

free2beme

I would never marry a woman twenty years younger (or older) than me, but that's my taste.

I tend to feel the same way about age differences. At the same time, I would not have my spouse if others felt this way. As their grandparents were 22 years apart and madly in love until the day they died. They died less then 4 months apart. Cancer and Heart Disease. To each their own on that, and I agree, when men marry young woman and have them squander their money ... it is a waste.

sammielee24

Who are any of us to determine the depth of mourning a person goes through or the length of time he/she needs to mourn? Everyone is different. I admit that sometimes I get concerned when I hear of someone getting into a new relationship too quick after the death of a spouse, but only because of the emotionally vulnerability that may be present at that time causing someone to make a decision in haste. At the end of the day - I don't judge people for their actions in times like this - that's not my place. sammieswife.

free2beme

I know what happened is not that uncommon, especially among Witnesses who can not really date. If I were the other woman though, my concern would be that I was a replacement of emotion. I would actually ask for more time to pass, to make sure this is not an emotional rebound and this was the real thing. They seem happy, with what limited contact I see with them and my sister in law says they are madly in love. It is, in many ways, emotional transference.

FlyingHighNow

I think marrying quickly for ANY reason is asking for trouble. But people do it all the time. Lonelieness and horniness are two big reasons JW's marry so quickly and with such little "get to know each other, REALLY" time.

How soon, is too soon, to remarry after your spouse dies.

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