How soon, is too soon, to remarry after your spouse dies.

by free2beme 43 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  JWdaughter

  Lawrence, your awful experience is probably why all the 'advice' I have ever seen about being widowed was that you should not make any drastic decisions or changes for at least one year. Which is probably how the 'tradition' of waiting at least a year began. Common sense. But rules are made to be broken, and some people can marry hastily to good people for the right reasons and make a wonderful life together. But waiting shouldn't be impossible, even if the relationship is the right thing.

  I won't ever remarry if I am widowed. I would not even look at men and wonder. But I can see why people who have had a wonderful marriage to a great person(for them) would think of marriage as the best place to be and try to repeat their success.
• 

  gumby

  One time my wife was in a real deep sleep and I couldn't wake her and I figured she was dead so I went out and married some gal named Mary and as I was eating some chocolate bars with my new wife my dead wife knocked on the door and called me a bastard for puttin her in the trash can, .......damn women, they never understand anything!!!!!!

  *realizes he oughta lay off the pain pills*

  Gumloaded
• 

  jgnat

  Married men live longer than single.

  Single women live longer than married.

  Do the math.
• 

  free2beme

  I think a lot of people get the impression of what the person is doing is replacing the other love they knew, I think I feel that way too, at times. At the same time, I do agree that is up to the person. I would just use caution if I was the woman, that I may be riding in on an emotion high that might soon drop out from underneath me.
• 

  Mulan

  It depends a lot on the circumstances of the death of the other spouse.

  We had an elder (about 70) who cared for his wife for years and years, after many strokes. Finally she died. He remarried a friend he kne slightly, from another state, about 6 months later. His daughter was furious, hurt and more, but went to the wedding anyway (my husband performed it) and cried through the whole thing. She should have stayed home. The marriage was very happy and they had a good life together until he died about 10 years later.

  My brother, on the other hand, lost his wife and baby in childbirth in 1977, leaving him with two teenaged daughters. He was desolate and, in a move to recapture what they had lost, he remarried a woman he met on a business trip, 3 months later (yes, they were JW's, he was an elder and she a pioneer............it had to work, didn't it?). It was a disaster, and they divorced a little over a year, and one baby girl later. He never remarried again.

  So, each person should decide, with input from their families.
• 

  LittleToe

  There's a little, unknown, unwritten rule that governs a lot of cycles of human behaviour. It's called "a year and a day". Historically most cultures have observed a mourning period. In Scotland the widow would wear black for at least a year, and sometimes for the rest of her natural life if she decided to be especially pious. Regardless of the precise length of time there is an inbuilt sense of propriety that is evidently coming through some of the posts on this thread.

  I wouldn't judge the guy, either. Thinking the best of the situation, it might be that he was so distressed and vulnerable that he rebounded into the arms of another. It happens often enough in relationships, so why not in the midst of grief?

  Some guys really cannot fend for themselves, especially if they left home to get married as so many JWs do. Just as society is only three meals away from anarchy, and the way to a man's heart is through his belly, you can be sure that a starving guy is going to be an easy mark
• 

  MsMcDucket

  Which way are we going at this from a religious view point or from a philosophical one? Or what is customary? Depends on what you believe in. I guess?
• 

  MsMcDucket

  Customary mourning periods of some societies (Just because it's written doesn't mean it's true)

  Hindu

  4) Then there is the plight of widows. As I mentioned in my article

  widow's are at the bottom of Hindu society, even below the untouchables.She cannot wear red, has to give up eating meat(if she is a non-vegitarian), she cannot wear makeup.Widow's are seen as sign of bad luck,so they are not invited in ceratin cermonies during a wedding.Family humiliation and society's torture is another thing they have to bear. In contrast if a wife dies a man is a free bird.Some even marry immediately after the customary 45 day mourning period.This is height of discrimination and cruely againt women.

  http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/viewArticle.asp?articleID=11126

  ---

  Jewish

  27. The shorter mourning period for a spouse seems strange to us today when the loss of a spouse is, for most, emotionally and functionally the most difficult bereavement. There are many reasons behind this. For much of Jewish history, marriage was not based on ideas of love but was rather more of an economic and procreative arrangement within a society in which men and women functioned in separate realms. Practically speaking, a shorter mourning period also enabled faster remarriage in a world where single-parenting was not economically viable. Men may remarry after a month; women after three months as long as they are not pregnant (and the three months is necessary to establish this and clarify paternity).

  http://www2.bc.edu/~langerr/Publications/jewish_funerals.htm

  ---

  In Tennessee, USA

  A widow held the deepest level of mourning which could last 2-1/2 years or longer.
  For the first year and one day, she wore only solid black clothing in public, including black jewelry. During the next nine months, white trim could be added to the black. Gold jewelry and fancy lace could be added in the following three-month period. Then during a half mourning stage, subdued colors are permitted.
  
  If possible, widows would usually stay homebound for the first month, and were expected to wait a least a year before remarriage. Potential suitors could recognize by a widows change in dress exactly when her year and one day was up.
  
  While on the other hand, the male widowers were only expected to wear a black armband for only a two or three month period. (Seems a little unfair, doesn’t it, ladies?)
  
  As you can tell, some of these mourning customs are ones we still adhere to and some have fallen by the wayside. No matter how you go about it, for our own mental, physical and spiritual welfare, it is still a necessity that we complete the mourning process and only then we “shall be comforted.”

  http://www.rctimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050914/MTCN0303/309140118/1306&theme=RCTTHENANDNOW
• 

  LittleToe

  Cultural. It's the only one that has any real bearing.

  It might be influenced by some religions, adapted by localised customs, of philosophised about until everyone is bored, but there will still be an underlying cultural ethic, IMHO.

  I've got a sneaky feeling that it's something far more deep rooted than mere belief. It's like there's a reaction (or not).

  Just my 2p.
• 

  MsMcDucket

  Little Toe, I told my husband that if I were to die that I'd expect him to get married right quick so that he'd have someone to help him with our daughters (This was when I was younger.). I still wouldn't mind if he got married right away. Heck! I don't think that I'd show up at the wedding to stop it.