Hondo: There was a time when I would say I wish I could wave a magic wand to take your pain away. I have tried to help my mom in a similar situation as your wife but to no avail. The sad truth is the Jehovah Witnesses knew us better than we knew ourselves.
How can I make such an insensitive observation? Because they've been thoroughly trained and indoctrinated into an elaborately complex form of psychological manipulation techniques that they've perfected over 130 years. The reason we failed as family members is because the indoctrination was always one step ahead of us. They know how 90 percent of the people will react when they hear their loved one is becoming a JW, they flip out, and I was no exception. This is perfectly understandable. There is nothing but bad news about the watchtower in the media all over the world, and on some level, the average witness is aware of this. On one hand, it's important to alert the world to the dangers of this cult, but on the other hand it only adds fuel to the fire of the rank and file. It makes them even more fanatic because they have a persecution complex and they see this as confirmation of the watchtower's claims, and the cycle of brainwashing only gets stronger.
Why am I telling you this since you probably already know it? I want to let you know that what happened to your wife and my mom was not our fault. We did nothing wrong. We stood up for what was right and responded the only way we knew how. We were not trained experts in dealing with cults. Some of us may be now, but I would gladly trade all of my knowledge for just one chance reach my mom, the real person I knew long ago, not the brain-dead, talking mannequin that has taken her place.
God teaches us (or at least I think he does) to fight for those we care about, to never give up hope when we know the terrible truth about someone else. Bob Dylan one said you have to rage against the dying of the light. But what will we lose in the process? Our families, our minds, or even our lives? After all, we can't prevent what we can't predict. I've since come to believe that the end result is not as important as the struggle itself. If God has a bigger plan for us, it can take a lifetime to see it, especially when it seems he has abandoned us when we needed him the most. Maybe our destiny is to alert the world to the evil of this organization until it becomes so infested with bureaucracy and xenophobia that it destroys itself from with, and that sounds just fine to me.
So in conclusion, I won't try to take away your pain because you need your pain, we all do. Without it we would be unaware of the true meaning of life, and that is the Watchtower is absolutely meaningless in the grand scheme of things. We however, are not. We are more than just the sum of broken families and mental and physical scars. We have knowledge, and whatever else they may rob from us, they can never, ever take that away.
Anitar