This is the only place I don't feel ugly

by Abandoned 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Virgochik

  Well, Abandoned...please don't take this wrong, because I'm a married woman, but if your avatar is your real picture, I don't think you're ugly at all!

  I totally understand not having confidence in yourself, tho. I get nervous alot in social situations and keep convincing myself I'm as good as anyone else. It's a holdover from that awful religion, that made us feel inferior and taught us we needed the elders to make our decisions for us. now, we're out of practice and have toget our legs again, so to speak.

  You'll be fine!
• 

  Abandoned

  Thanks Restrangled and Juni. I appreciate the kind words. I want to find a counselor. I'll check my next day off.

  thecarpenter, I have that book. I love it and I recognized Arron Beck's name immediately. The problem I have with this book is that it comes from the premise that everyone has worth and since I was convinced I had none, it was fairly easy for me to discredit the claims it made. Still, I think that cognitive therapy is very powerful and very helpful. I will probably be able to do some self-therapy once I get the jw-given sense of worthlessness dealt with. Most days I can put it in the background, but there are days where everything that happens is like a reminder of how much god hates me and how ugly I am. It's quite powerful - regardless of whether it sounds kind of lame when I write it here.

  sass_my_frass, thanks for the compliment.

  cbb, you're a sweetie!

  virgochick, thanks for the kind words. Yep, that's me. It's fairly recent, but being so small, you can't see the grey in the chin of my beard.
• 

  jwfacts

  I am having a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy at the moment, and it has helped almost immediately. Since last month in Australia Medicare covers half the cost, so it shows that the medical fraternity and the government now accept it as a positive form of therapy.

  BTW, you look pretty funky in your photo, I doubt you would have any problem meeting new friends. If you do have trouble it is just a matter of self esteem. Once you start to feel confident in yourself you will not have any trouble picking up people. I use the skills I learnt witnessing in markets, on buses and every other embarrasing place to now talk to people anywhere I am, and have made some great new friends in the strangest of places.
• 

  compound complex

  Hey Abandoned!

  Not to downplay the ugly, but do you want to hear something really beautiful? On my way to a WT ART presentation yesterday, I happened by a weekend-only special sale of grand pianos in our little village. I sat at a huge, $50 000 Steinway and played Clair de Lune and one of my own pieces. Incredible! I was offered a free ticket---$50---to the evening's piano recital but had other commitments. BTW, great poem! More later about your music, OK?

  In concert and in harmony,

  CoCo
• 

  My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

  No matter how hard I work or what I accomplish, I still feel so ugly and I'm still afraid of the stupidest things. I don't know if my fears are on par with paranoia, but they are definitely distracting and I need to get some outside assistance.

  Seeing fear for what it is and being able to put it in its proper context is something that we all constantly deal with. We all have fear. Most of my bad decisions, were made, as a result of fear. Usually, the bad decisions were fueled by a fear of losing something that I already had...my business, the lifestyle I've provided for family, the respect of family and peers. Now, when I am afraid....I see it as a wake up call and try to address it in a productive manner instead of ignoring it or letting it grow into a three headed monster. I begin that process by acknowledging that I am afraid, then asking myself what am I afraid of losing? I guess my point is that it is a lifelong struggle. The fact that you have fear, just makes you normal. In my experience, the way you deal with fear is what determines the degree of peace that you experience in your day to day life. Good luck on your journey!
• 

  mouthy

  (((((((((((((HUGS))) Abandoned
• 

  Backed away

  Hey Abandoned, Friend,

  We understand. these are the times I wish we here had more opportunities to see each other and lend our assistance and support face to face. anyone who opens up like so many do here display a great deal of courage. it's not easy. your a compelling figure my friend with many admirable qualities, your eloquent in how you express yourself, you clearly have writing talents and you have made many friends here in just a few month's. that says alot, not only about your worth but who geniune friends are. we may have fictious names,sometimes vague descriptions of where we are or fear exposing personal information but never forget we are truthful about the most important thing, friendship and caring about each other.

  Lets face it, our experiences as jw's have scared us and being reassured and having a belonging again to something we can actually believe in is what this board gives many of us. I would however, like you to replace " ugly" with" just trying to make sense of all of it"

  This response is a day late so I hope today finds you in better spirits. remember, if you survived being a jw, you can handle anything. it took time to leave the WBTS, give yourself the time to handle the afterward.
• 

  skyking

  I have never felt ugly because I am too damn good looking. Below is an actual photo of me in the morning.

  
• 

  Wild_Thing

  Counseling does wonders, Abandoned! You won't regret it!

  Now go look in the mirror and repeat after me ... "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like me!" (old Saturday Night Live reference)
• 

  cyd0099

  It's a hard bunch of feelings to work through, I know, I have felt like a hideous freak my entire life and the years of being told from the kingdom hall's lectern that I was unworthy and lacking didn't help.
  I never sought outside help, I have slowly come to grips with my physical appearance and mental competancy and realized I'm okay.