Is there any Hope?

Agnostic Front

Hi Guys, i'm hoping that you may be able to answer a question for me as you seem to have a pretty broad range of experience with the JWs, about a year ago i met the most fantastic woman i've ever met, we 'clicked' straight away went on a few dates, held hands, cuddled in country pubs but i never got more than a peck on the lips when we said goodbye. She soon informed me that she was a JW, i didn't really know anything about them except for when they knock on my door on a Saturday, so i said ok, we'll deal with it. She's adamant that we can't be together unless i'm a JW too, i know that this doesn't have to be the case but it's her decision. We've kept seeing each other, we're both in love and she even kisses me properly now but she won't go any further. She's given me loads of JW stuff to read and we've had some pretty heated discussions about God, evolution, human nature and all the regular things but i just don't buy it. Something about the whole belief structure just doesn't ring true with me. I love this woman, we're both in our early thirties, not kids. So here's the big one, am I wasting my time? What is the hold that the watchtower have over practising witnesses?

unbeliever

So here's the big one, am I wasting my time? What is the hold that the watchtower have over practising witnesses?

I see posts like yours in this board all the time. Do a quick search in the best of section. I will be short and to the point. Yes you are wasting your time. Run for your life. The hold the WT has is that their members are brainwashed and you don't want to get sucked into it, or your future children for that matter. Don't try and be a hero and "save" her from the JW's. That's a waste of your time as well. I don't mean to sound harsh but I believe in telling it like it is.

OnTheWayOut

She is totally disobedient to the Witnesses by continueing to see you. Even though they say they go by the Bible, and the Bible doesn't directly say that she should avoid you, the Witnesses can talk circles around her about how you are "worldly bad association."

I only say this, because she know it, she doesn't stop seeing you, there is some hope.

Try introducing her to stuff that is negative about the JW's. If she refuses to look, start researching cults and how to help loved ones.

I recommend books by Steven Hassan (about cults, not JW specific) and two authors that JW's would never admit reading- Ray Franz ( a former leader of JW's ) and David Reed. Google them, amazon search them. They can help.

OnTheWayOut

While I said there is hope, I tend to agree with unbeliever. Save yourself. You don't need to put yourself through this headache.

That action by itself might cause her to question you.

So if you decide to save yourself, when she asks "what's up?" tell her that former members said
she would be difficult to get out of the mind-control cult. She is not worth the trouble.

daystar

You already know what you should do.

She can't be with you unless you convert. What this means is that she is asking you to suspend your critical thinking skills, your individuality, and submit to the authority of a group of men in Brooklyn, NY who will seek to, through their publications, control every aspect of your life that they can.

Start here:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/default.ashx

and then go on to read some of the experiences of some of the people here. These are not isolated events. The Witness religion expects complete and total submission, heart, mind, body and soul, and the sacrifice of your "independent thought". They actually consider "independent thinking" to be a sin! And we're not talking rebelliousness here. If you honestly question deeply any of their oft changing teachings, you can be "accused" of independent thought and apostacy, and be shunned by any of your Witness friends and family. This means they will pretend not to know you if they see you in the grocery store, or will actually scowl at you as if you disgust them.

I say run for the hills friend.

kid-A

I would cut your losses before you get in too deep. Love and lust can be powerful drugs and distort our better judgement. True love has no "conditions" attached.

P.S. I love the screen name, I have been in many "Agnostic Front" mosh pits, back in the day!

Narkissos

Hi and welcome Agnostic Front.

Yes there is hope, because were she 100 % JW in her mind and heart she wouldn't be with you in the first place.

I wouldn't say "run" (as many will) but: find out quickly. If you can still afford (emotionally) to be straightforward in stating your own beliefs (or the lack thereof) and your views of life, in discussing some important matters which will affect both of you (and perhaps children if this happens to be "the big one"), such as education, or the JW prohibition of blood transfusions, by all means don't delay in doing so. Letting the relationship progress without facing such issues will be heartbreaking for both of you.

Good luck.

concerned elder

I will address your question from the standpoint of an active elder in the congregation of JW's. Although I strongly disagree with the outcome of how your girlfriends situation would be handled, I will tell you as one who has been behind the closed doors of the KH library many times, (a place no JW would like to be), I know that your girlfriend, a sister in the cong., would be strongly counseled against such a relationship, she would possibly be disciplined for her actions, undoubtedly in private, but disciplined non the less.

JW's are strongly counseled to avoid any kind of relationship with an outsider. And maybe this sister is allowing her heart to motivate her into thinking that she can change you and bring you around to her religious viewpoints. But be assurred, if she is honest in her heart, it will not even be considered that she should consider changing for you.

The harsh reality of the situation is only unhappiness for the both of you unless either you converted or she abandoned her faith. Would you want to start a life long relationship with that hanging in the back ground?

I for one an growing more and more concerned with the lack of flexibility of the interior structure of the organization and although I have been a thorn in the side of many brothers over issues such as this, I am now making my plans to exit the organization due to their unwillingness to adjust to life and the complexities that we all seem to face from time to time.

My very best to you and I hope, no matter what decision you make, that you be open, honest and straight forward with you girlfriend and that she do the same for you.

Abandoned

here's the big one, am I wasting my time?

A simple question deserves a simple answer - yes, you are wasting your time.

the dreamer dreaming

both of you will ignore your heads and navigate with your loins until it becomes so serious that disaster is just around the corner...and it will come as all exciting lives must find it... then your heads will kick in but not in a good way...

remember he who puts heart above head leads with arse (^o^)

Is there any Hope?

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