Sorry you are going through this, it sounds like he is a complete lying jerk. If you wanted to stir the pot up a bit, you could write a letter to Watchtower headquarters, im sure that would piss the local elders off. Make sure your letter is very calm and collected, and dont say anything that they could construe as 'apostate". Good luck.------Dave
divorce question
by depressed 47 Replies latest jw experiences
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Apostate Kate
Hi and welcome to the board!
You got some very good advice on what you are going through. I agree with Jgnat on something she pulled out. These people are not the spiritual people you think they are. Going through the motions of being a JW doesn't have to have anything to do with spiritual matters. It has everything to do with religious, physical, shallow matters.
Spiritual matters are matters of the heart, namely love. Unconditional all encompassing self sacrificing love in the name of Jesus is what a Christian is supposed to strive for. Have they been loving you? Rotten fruit is hanging on their crooked trees.
It may sound harsh and I wish you were not going through this but...
...it sounds like your life will be much better off without these people in it.
Hang in there life gets so much better.
Love~Kate
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lighthouse19something
I agree with Dave, and you should be able to ask for a neutral (or at least one without conflict of interest) judicial committee. You may have to 're-activate yourself first
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Apostate Kate
I'd photocopy the love letters and send them by registered mail to your father-in-law. I'd then send them to every single person in the offices of where your husband works. Oh hell, I'd also send them to people in the congregation your in-laws go to. Perhaps your father in law will get his head out of his ass at that point.
LOL YES!
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depressed
thanks guys for your help!
Just wanted to clear some things. Back when my husband left me - (he had the audacity to move out all of his things when I was at work to make it seem as if I'm abusing him) I became very angered at his cheating and in the fact that he had lied to his parents. So I composed the online journal and forwarded the link to his co-workers, so that they can all see that he's involved with the older woman there. In the journal, I spilled out all of the office secrets, including who's gay, etc, and I copied and pasted the love emails that the other woman wrote to my husband, and forwarded the link to his entire office. Hey - I was very upset because he made me out to be a liar. However, he later took advantage of this, and used it as proof that I'm an evil woman in front of his parents.
Shortly thereafter, however, I moved the url of the journal, and left things alone.
BUT, I notice that my stbx husband still continues to stalk me online. In fact, he has been stalking me for the past 8 months. We are already finalizing the divorce and he still stalks me.
He stalks me by doing google searches for me and by viewing every little thing that I post. (I work in network admin and know how to read IP's and his work IP is all over my web metric logs.
To make a long story short, after I contacted his parents, now I see his parents doing the same google searches.
Two days ago, my stbx husband had viewed the stupid journal a good 85 times.
I'm wondering why his disfellowshipped sister is also viewing my journal, and why the parents are doing the same google searches that my stbx and his DF sister are. What's the obesession???
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sammielee24
I think you're lucky that no-one in the office, including he or his girlfriend, sued you for slander. If you were already 'out of the truth' and left before he did and never had any intention of going back, then I don't understand why you would care what they think or who finances his divorce. I generally never take sides in these issues because it's never as simple as it's made out to be - if he doesn't want to be married to you, let him go. Focus on splitting the assets and child custody if there are any. As for the Google searches of the diary - it could very well be that it may be viewed, printed, analyzed and become part of the legal proceedings (his) depending on how nasty it is. sammieswife.
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anewme
They could be searching for accusations on your part that could be considered slander which is a crime.
They could be planning on suing you. It is the right of a person to sue an individual who posts slanderous statements against another in newsprint, on the radio, tv, or on a personal blog.
Anewme -
depressed
they already tried to sue me a while back, but had absolutely no success. The reason why they didn't have any success is because everything that I wrote about them was true. My lawyers told me that it was okay to continue with the blog - as long as everythng there was true.
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sammielee24
In the journal, I spilled out all of the office secrets, including who's gay, etc, and I copied and pasted the love emails that the other woman wrote to my husband, and forwarded the link to his entire office. Hey - I was very upset because he made me out to be a liar. However, he later
All I can say is that your ex may not have been successful, but did anyone else in the office try to sue you? Had an email been delivered like that in my mailbox, containing 'office secrets' or lurid gossip that could do damage to the reputation of coworkers, and put there for everyone to see out of anger, spite and malice then I have absolutely no doubt that our in house lawyers would have been flooded by calls and action taken immediately. I guess I'm not understanding why you would even send such stuff to his entire office - he might have been acting like a jerk but that is between you and him. Anyway, I hope it's all over soon and you can move on in another direction. Good luck. sammieswife.
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depressed
okay, here's what I wrote. I guess I made it sound a little to harsh, but here's the real piece that I forwarded to the office:
I am starting to write a blog/diary about my situation, which is that my husband wants to obtain a separation. He's been such a loving husband, and he's also been good to me (for the most part) for the past 10 years; however, recently (on the week of March 11th) he's "fallen out of love with me" or so he says.
The reason for this is because he's fallen in love with another woman -although he frequently denies this. No, he hasn't fallen for a beautiful younger woman - like most normal men would leave their wives for, but for a woman who's approximately 9 years my senior. I like to call her the bar maid, although her real name is Kathleen. She's not a barmaid, actually, she's a "construction project manager" in the XX section of the XXX. She's also about 43 years old (I'm 34), she has two kids (I have none), she has a pot belly. However, what draws my husband to her is that her personality and looks remind him of his mother. This Kathleen person is also Irish, and she loves to frequent bars. This fact appeals to my husband because he is currently enthused with the bad boy life, like Johnny Cash and Slash from Guns and Roses, and he wants to express that by hanging out at bars -wearing big construction boots, getting a truck, feeling young and sexy again. (But hey, I don't critize him for this, who doesn't want to feel "sexily desired"?) My husband also seems to be in this little boy subconscious stage where he wants to be taken care of, instead of taking care of.
Getting back to the subject, my husband tells me that this woman has a big black book composed of different men she used to see every Saturday. She's that type of independent person. Who can blame her. According to what my husband told me, she herself caught her own husband in her bed with a 28 year old, so my personal guess is that she'd like to get rid of whatever negative feelings she herself might harbor by subconsciously feeling and being that desired 28 year old.
My husband tells me that he wants a divorce because I am a career women (since I'm studying for business school) and that I'm not the type of person who would serve him, cook and clean a house.. Apparently he's never mentioned anything about this, but all of a sudden - on the week of March 11th, he sees this as very immature. Well, apparently the other woman (the bar maid) has two kids, so of course she's going to cook and clean for them - heck, I'd cook for my children. I would do anything for my children. Lets keep in mind that my husband is already comparing me to this individual. Well, I totally disagree with him about my being a career woman. First of all, I don't work for a major corporation. Second, I've been working in a unionized computer support position for the past 5 years - until very recently when I was promoted to web developer/coder. Second, no one should question if I want to further my education - that is my given choice. That is each person's choice. The point is that I wanted (still want) to have children and yet help with finances so that I may help raise my children and earn a decent living. Any normal human being - especially those of us who are married should be able to understand this. What confuses me is that my husband and I spoke about our goals recently and he was 100% supportive of me getting an advanced degree. Well all of a sudden - after March 11th - it's an issue. Meanwhile, this manipulative Kathleen woman, the barmaid, is telling my husband that I am more of a career woman just by the fact that he told her that I am studying for an advanced degree. Well, that's easy for her to say, she already has her children, and she's already gone thru her career. Supposedly, she worked at IBM during the information systems boom in the early 90's, and was somehow able to get herself a "buyout". Supposedly, she's just working at her current job because "she doesn't have anything better to do". Plus given her expressive qualities - her communication skills, it's easy for her to get high paying work. I'm not making excuses nor am I looking for pity , but I didn't have a pleasant childhood so it's very difficult for me to have that self-confidence most people would have when they are trained correctly from a very young age. I can only assume that she has that training.
I find it amazing that on the month of February, when Kathleen quit her job, my husband told me all of these things about her. He said that she tried to get him a job as her personal houseboy for the same amount of money he's currently making. That's when my flags went up and I asked him if she's interested in him. He said of course not, and I believed him. However, at the time, I found it quite odd that a woman would want a male co-worker to be her personal houseboy.I found it even stranger that she would return to the job after she quit. Now I fully understand why - and I'm not just talking about the affair she was having with my husband.
Well, here I am alone, at least I still get to keep this old furniture and my rent-stabalized apartment. I'm definitely getting rid of the furniture - I wanted to give it to my husband but he tells me that he doesn't want it. It's so weird, just two days ago, he was telling me that he wants our furniture because he doesn't want to accept a couch that his gay co-worker was trying to give him as a gift. My husband says that he doesn't want to sleep on anything that might have had an inkling of ass sex. How narrow-minded of him, oh well - I guess it's his loss.Okay, moving on, how exactly did I find out that my husband was seeing this woman and that she's a key contributor to my family breakup? Please feel free to tune in tomorrow.