by candidlynuts 17 Replies latest jw friends
i was reading this thread here http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/10/126156/1.ashx
regarding child custody "coaching" etc....
and in it is a discussion about kids having "normal" friendships with worldly kids..
many of us grew up JW and i was wondering what your personal experience was regarding having worldly friends.
my own experience...
my parents(and the other parents in our area) would allow us kids to have "friends" at school but i wasnt allowed over their house or allowed to talk to them on the phone, go to any sleep overs or parties or go swimming anything like that... also we werent allowed to join into extracurricular activities because these were very discouraged in those days (i dont know if they still are today) FHA , 4F, FFA, math club,girl scouts, etc, was NOT allowed
so, basically, other than talking in class or at lunch there was never really an opportunity to really bond with someone.
hi
not be a ham on this thread too
but here is mine in a nutshell:
I had a mix of worldly and JW friends. All of my really close friends were not Witnesses including my best friends. First best friend to age 10 was Gary Monk. My sister Vangie was best friends with his sister Colleen. They were a nice Catholic family. He was a great kid best friend. Via him, I saw that he got to celebrate Christmas etc. and saw a bit what it was like. The only thing I was a bit jealous of was not getting to be in Boy Scouts with him.
He moved away and Lee Kinney moved behind me and we became best friends and still are, though he still lives in New Mexico.
All of my friends in school were not JWs. I didn't celebrate holidays, salute the flag, drink, smoke, have sex or date (until H.S.) but despite that my dad was the presiding overseer and literally had built the congregation, I was permitted to play little league, participate in the spelling bees, science fairs, etc. as a kid. When I got older during my teen years, my dad went inactive for a decade which worked out perfectly as I was totally free to continue sports, lettered in three sports Junior high and two varsity, do clubs, honor society, I planned and decorated our Prom, and went to both Junior and Senior proms (junior I went stag and had a great time, Senior I went with this totally new babe who moved to town but it was a nightmare), went to school Dances, did I mention that I played football on the Artesia High School (STate CHAMPIONS!!) team :-), went to a few parties, on camping trips with the A-Club (athletic club), was a Lion's Club 'Boy of the Month" and spoke to them at their lodge, etc. etc. anything that I wanted to do I could do as a teen. I also stayed out as late as I want and was at home whenever I wanted.
I was never made to go in service, join the ministry school or attend meetings but I did go to meetings as much as I wanted and usually tried to take my mother.
Out of choice, I didn't drink, smoke, use drugs etc.
I did have several "puppy loves" who were JW girls but I never got to have any fun with them being a good JW in that way. The one "relationship" was squashed not long after it started and that sort of set a pattern with all the good JW moms running interference the rest of my teenhood. I was very shy and stupid then so I never followed-up on any worldly girls that liked me but I dated a couple in high-school and took one to homecoming.
I was always between two worlds. Considered an outsider and goody-goody by my non-JW friends/classmates and considered too "worldly" by the JWs.
I believe that the biggest factor, next to the liberality of the parents, as to whether a JW forms non-JW friendships is whether or not their are any JW peers in the congregation and how well they get along with the JW or how they treat him or her.
As for me in my small hometown, (luckily perhaps) there were virtually no JWs of the same age or in my class. All the JW kids were either a few years older or a few years younger than me. Thus it was pretty natural and easy to have non-JW friends and NOT be close to the JW kids in my congregation or that I knew.
Also, if there HAD been JWs who were my own age, if they had treated me as lower class (since we were quite poor) or in some way mistreated me like kids sometimes do, I would not have been friends with them. That's why I say it depends on how the JWs treat each other. I think girls especially can be petty and mistreat eachother when they are young or teens and get jealous, etc. thus leading JW youths to seek friendships elsewhere.
that's all from me
wow sounds like you enjoyed a leniency a lot of us never got. i didnt really mind the strict rules except for the phone rule.. i would have been a happy teen yackin on the phone for hours on end lol ..there were girls my age at my hall but they were living double lives and weren't interested in a friendship with me.
I believe that the biggest factor, next to the liberality of the parents, as to whether a JW forms non-JW friendships is whether or not their are any JW peers in the congregation and how well they get along with the JW or how they treat him or her.
As for me in my small hometown, (luckily perhaps) there were virtually no JWs of the same age or in my class. All the JW kids were either a few years older or a few years younger than me. Thus it was pretty natural and easy to have non-JW friends and NOT be close to the JW kids in my congregation or that I knew.
Also, if there HAD been JWs who were my own age, if they had treated me as lower class (since we were quite poor) or in some way mistreated me like kids sometimes do, I would not have been friends with them. That's why I say it depends on how the JWs treat each other. I think girls especially can be petty and mistreat eachother when they are young or teens and get jealous, etc. thus leading JW youths to seek friendships elsewhere.
That's exactly what happened to me when my parents moved us to another town when I was 13. And I really didn't have any close friends in the congregation that we left among those in my age group. All of my close friends were my schoolmates that I never saw again because we moved and they were worldly.
My mother loves to tell me news about the girls (now women) from our old congregation but I have no interest. I guess it stems from the rejection I received from those girls as a child.
Before 1985, I was allowed to hang out with kids at school, I lived in the city of Chicago at the time. But, in 1985, we moved north to a new congregation. I started going to a new school of course and I was allowed to hang out with kids from school. But, all of a sudden, I was told that I was not allowed to hang out with them anytime out of school. I was devastated, I had close friends. One of my best friends from school actually started to study with me so that we could be together, that was the only time my parents agreed. As I got into my teen years/highschool, it got harder, I lived for going to school to have freedom away from my parents.
It was so strange looking back, I have a 7 and a 9 year old, I love the fact that they get very involved in school and hang out with their friends. Its so special for me because I did not get to do that.
Nikki
my parents(and the other parents in our area) would allow us kids to have "friends" at school but i wasnt allowed over their house or allowed to talk to them on the phone, go to any sleep overs or parties or go swimming anything like that... also we werent allowed to join into extracurricular activities because these were very discouraged in those days (i dont know if they still are today) FHA , 4F, FFA, math club,girl scouts, etc, was NOT allowed
so, basically, other than talking in class or at lunch there was never really an opportunity to really bond with someone
Thats exactly how we were.
I was allowed very limited access to non-JW kids. No sports. The high school I went to 8 - 10th grades had an excellent music dept. I ended up in a string quartet so got to go with the teacher and quartet to other high schools and play in larger orchestras. Once we moved from that school I was in a rural area with nothing. I was not allowed to work on one school project because one kids father was a minister and we were to use a room in the church to put the project together. I was allowed to work on the Prom committee and decorate for the party was not allowed to go to it. - - - I was the first JW to graduate from that school in decades and the teachers were going out of their way to accomodate my stupid requirements. They ended up having us stand up for one thing and then while we were already standing they played the national anthem so I wouldn't be the only person to be sitting in front of everyone at the graduation. I remember appreciating their efforts to not embarrass me in front of hundreds of people. - - - I tried to make sure my kids had lots of friends, they were very active in 4-H, some sports and went to to their Proms.
the teachers were going out of their way to accomodate my stupid requirements. They ended up having us stand up for one thing and then while we were already standing they played the national anthem so I wouldn't be the only person to be sitting in front of everyone at the graduation.
it has always impressed me how far most educators will go to try to help jw kids. it shows a great kindness and i too always appreciated it!
I had neighborhood friends till i was about 12/13 then it was only JW friends (although the three of us were living double lives, we swore, looked at Playboy, tried to do things with girls that JW's were told not to, and much more) it was that way till both of my JW friends took off at age 17 to live with worldly of DFed relatives. Then I was alone till I took off to go live with one of them when I was 19.
Then I went back to my JW parents after a few months of being bad, then I started to have "good" JW friends.
TheHypnoToad don't sign no post!
