Urgent!! I am biting my nails!

by Schism 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully
    Scully

    My folks have been JWs since the early 70s. They joined during the Keep Alive Till 75 debacle. I wasn't supposed to finish grade school, graduate from high school, get married this side of Armageddon™, or have children who have finished grade school, graduated from high school and are preparing to go to University. But that's where we are.

    My folks weren't supposed to need a pension or retirement savings... and they foolishly did not prepare for that eventuality... and they should have.

    My dad scoffed at me when I was 18 and wanted to start a retirement savings plan - he said I may as well be throwing my money in the fireplace because Armageddon™ was Right Around The Corner™.

    A JW woman rolled her eyes at me and mocked me for wanting to go back to college in my 30s. She said it would be a complete waste of time, because Armageddon™ was Right Around The Corner™. That was 11 years ago, and I'm glad I had made up my mind to go back to school regardless of what other people thought of my plan. Her daughter, on the other hand (who is slightly older than me), took her mother's advice and Pioneered™ instead. She is now divorced (her JW husband left her for their JW babysitter) with 2 kids, and is only qualified to clean other peoples' homes for a living, or work at minimum wage jobs.

    Remember: This is your life. Choose your options wisely. Many JWs have been notoriously foolish in putting their complete trust in the word of the WTS. They sold their homes and used all their resources to follow the WTS's "advice" because they were led to believe that Armageddon™ was Right Around The Corner™. What do they have to show for it? Nothing. The WTS is not going to support them in their old age. They are not going to be reimbursed for their losses. Putting trust in the WTS is nothing more than gambling with your future. Plan for your future, because you will have one, and you can bet that your JW family will come to you with their hat in their hand looking for your help, because they didn't plan for theirs.

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    Dad, with study helps and a lot of meditation(prayer) I am exploring my feelings about the organization and its teachings right now. I can't make up my mind based on pressure from you or anyone else. I love and respect you, and I am trying to understand what i need to. But the answers are not going to happen because you get all beserk on me. Please don't push me-cause you are pushing me away, and I love you.

    Or something like that. I am sorry you are having so much trouble. Good luck!

  • Schism
    Schism

    Well see, that's the thing...

    My dad has had his life and made his choices. He partied, he had fun, he built up a business and has hobbies, and he will retire rich. He actually went against the society's advice all of his life, and now he expects me to do differently. He would love nothing more than to support me while I "store up riches in heaven". But he didn't store any. He had all of his fun and didn't make any meetings. And now, he gets to be well off, and will retire soon.

    So now I am supposed to do what he claims he should have done, and worry about being a good JW. It's unfair to me. His parents never rode his butt about going out and getting drunk. Here I am, safe at home with my SO and my dog, drinking in my own house and being safe, and yet somehow I'm the one in the family who is going to "die" because I don't waste my time in meaningless meetings. Maybe he needs to leave me alone for a little while and let me do my own thing. I am married and in another house, for god's sake!

    And then I get panic-phone calls.

  • Scully
    Scully

    My dad has had his life and made his choices. He partied, he had fun, he built up a business and has hobbies, and he will retire rich. He actually went against the society's advice all of his life, and now he expects me to do differently. He would love nothing more than to support me while I "store up riches in heaven". But he didn't store any. He had all of his fun and didn't make any meetings. And now, he gets to be well off, and will retire soon.

    So now I am supposed to do what he claims he should have done, and worry about being a good JW. It's unfair to me. His parents never rode his butt about going out and getting drunk. Here I am, safe at home with my SO and my dog, drinking in my own house and being safe, and yet somehow I'm the one in the family who is going to "die" because I don't waste my time in meaningless meetings. Maybe he needs to leave me alone for a little while and let me do my own thing. I am married and in another house, for god's sake!

    There's your ticket. Here's what you can say:

    Listen, Dad, I know you mean well and I appreciate your concern; I love you for that. But I think you need to back off and stop pressuring me. You made your choices when you were young, you planned ahead for your future, and you have a comfortable lifestyle and are set whether Armageddon™ comes in a year or in 25 years. I don't think Armageddon™ is any closer today than it was when you were my age, so I'm going to do what I need to do in order to have the kind of life I want when I'm your age. You don't have to like my choice, but you do need to understand that this is my choice as an adult and you don't get to boss me around anymore or force ultimatums on me. That's manipulative and it crosses a boundary that you need to respect.
  • Schism
    Schism

    Awesome! Thanks! I actually will print that one out and read it again later, lol.

    I'm never good with communicating to other people. You hit the nail on the head with that one!

  • searching4truth
    searching4truth

    he will still get mad at that one.

  • Schism
    Schism

    He will be mad no matter how I say it.

    This one feels right to me, so I'm going with it.

  • searching4truth
    searching4truth

    good luck, may the force be with you, and that jazz. No matter what he is still your father and loves you even if he is in a cult.

  • TheListener
    TheListener

    I'm really sorry for your situation. I feel for you.

    Whatever you say, try to remember to frame the overall statement(s) with the following structure in mind:

    1. An action

    2. A feeling

    3. A need.

    For example: Dad, when you XXXXX it makes me feel XXXXXX and I need you to XXXXXX.

    Be kind, clear, compassionate and direct.

    Good luck. Remember, you live next door to your parents; some of us live with this pressure from our spouse in the same house.

  • avidbiblereader
    avidbiblereader

    You can run, but you cant hide. Use your mind adn heart, turn to the Bible and give them the reasons from the scriptures for your descision, Phil 2:12 working out your own salvation and doing so with deep respect and mildness of spirit.

    abr

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