OK, I'm tired from work and I'm sad from things, but I have some comments to make regarding what's been commented here.
Abandoned, I am so sorry you had such a loss. Sounds like you did fall for her hard and she was vulnerable (on the rebound, as you said). The poems are very articulate and well written, but do you think maybe they were a little too intense? I'm wondering if the intensity scared her, and she pounced on the hooker story as an excuse to extract herself from the situation.
You could be right. One of the reasons I can't seem to get past this a year and a half later is that I think I was winning her heart and would have if I had just backed off and gave her some room but stayed close enough to let her know I just liked her. I didn't go into detail about all that was involved in the sucide attempt, but my co-workers didn't know anything about that. They thought I quit in a huff and then sweet-talked the manager into letting me have my job back. So, when I saw Amber three weeks later in a fire saftey school, she was shocked. I was too scared to even make eye contact as I imagined that she must hate me and then I didn't see her again for four or five months. It hurts that I promised her I would wait and give her room and then I did neither.
Her refusals to be sexually intimate (whilst her choice and must be respected) suggested that she was extremely guarded, but was there any other forms of intimacy shown? Did she ever let her feelings go and was there any signs of sexual attraction there from her standpoint? If you both did demonstrate any other forms of physical intimacy did you ever reach a point where you both had to step back and say 'wow, this is going too far and lets wait'?
It wasn't exactly a refusal. It was more of a test to see how I would respond. She did this on that Wednesday afternoon date too. We were talking about all sorts of things and then she turned the conversation to sex. She said she wanted to make sure that I liked it too since I wasn't hitting on her. I think she is used to guys trying to get into her pants and I so much wanted to get into her heart first.
She was very guarded and I knew some of it because she told me she'd been hurt by her husband but I think things happened before that and I think the intimacy that was building was scaring her because of how she'd had a trust ruined before. This is just guesswork but this wasn't all in my head. She told me that she was falling for me and that she really pictured us together. The end came quick, but it didn't come without a beginning and a middle.
It really might not feel like it but you had a lucky escape.
You're right, it doesn't feel like that at all. But I do appreciate the sentiment.
Dude, you are one beat-up guy. I'm really sorry about that. But here's a fact: she's not your soul mate if there was a bit of your soul she couldn't take. Okay so it was stupid timing for her, but nobody is ever going to write her songs again, and she's going to spend her life comparing every loser man who makes a move on her to you. And sorry about stealing the thread, but I'm curious as to what happened with the guy at work who was harassing you.
You'll be kinder to your liver from now on, won't you?
It's what I can't figure out. I would have done everything right if I'd have known. It may still not be too late. I don't know anything. I'm forty and I feel like a complete moron about something that affects me so profoundly and powerfully.
Kinder to my liver? LOL, yeah that was my third attempt. I'm not a genius, but I can take a hint...
I bought into the whole soulmate idea when I was with my ex. Even though I'm married, I've abandoned this concept as it's quite rediculous. I now believe in having an "ideal mate", but not a soulmate.
This makes sense and it may be right, but there's still a part of me that believes in soul mates.
My opinion only- Don't expect anything to come of this, but mail her
the story you typed out. Include the title. End it with something like-
"Sorry I messed things up- I think we could have had something special."
(DO NOT SEND ANOTHER POEM)
Then let it go if you never hear back.
If you can talk me into doing this, I'll buy you a dinner. I'm very conservative with my heart these days.
Dont ever do that again ( Grannies orders) because you are a VERY TALENTED POET!!!! you write from the heart....Keep putting your heart feelings on paper. Just dont name anyone....
So change your monicker from Abandoned to "REPRIEVED" cos I think that is what you are
Now don't go getting the wrong idea mouthy, Grace, but I love you so much. You are such a wonderful, caring person.
YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED.
Not here no, but I think the name still fits. I dedicated my life to god when I was 20 years old. I lost my first wife because my dedication ended me up in a cult. I'm forty now, $70,000 in debt, nearly incapable of maintaining a romantic relationship, and filled with regrets for having wasted my life in dedication to such a thankless god. Anyway, I may not be abandoned here but the name sticks cuz it still fits.
If Amber is your soul mate there is nothing that could really take her away from you.
This is how I know that I'm probably not ever going to have a real relationship. There's a part of me that would give up anyone if a chance to get back with her arose. It's why I haven't been able to write poetry for the two women I dated since. I just can't. I could still write a book full for Amber and I haven't even seen her in six months.
Dude...yer poetry is on point...I only wonder if she was really willing to go as deep as your poems went...I know how you feel, but take heed...there IS such a thing as a soulmate...I found mine and I've not had what one would call a very positive history with relationships.
Thanks so much for the encouragment.
I don't know about soul mates. I am not sure about love at all sometimes. But you gave your all-maybe too soon, but it was so BRAVE to do that. I have never been brave about expressing my feelings-ever since I was a fat little girl who thought I didn't deserve to be loved. Then I grew up and it seemed men wanted a wife or a sex partner-none of the 'romantic' guys seemed to want to spend any romantic energy on me. But for all that, if one had come on real strong, it would have scared me off if it was too soon. I want all that, but it aint happening. For my 12th wedding anniversary I got a "Happy anniversary card" Inside mentioned our "2nd" anniversary, and my husband forgot to sign it. Hell, I need romance. sigh.
Aww, I'm sorry you had those feelings. I lost the ability to be brave after my first wife had an affair and walked out on me. It really through my ability to trust for a loop. I know that my joining the jw had a major impact on either the affair, her leaving, or both, but it still left me scarred for about ten years. With Amber I knew. I knew the day I met her and yet she was pregnant and married and nothing was going to happen, yet I knew. I knew when a bunch of us were talking in the break room and I mentioned (after a meesed up but short dating fiasco) that I would never again date anyone that I wasn't compatible with astrologically. Someone asked me which signs I was compatible with and I said Libra and Gemini. Anyway, Amber asked me if I was compatible with Sagitarrius. I said, "yeah, I'm supposed to be very compatible with Sagitarrius." She was born December 18. Yep, a Sagitarrius.
And I do believe this Amber girl will one day regret this for the rest of her life, as she goes through life and realizes most guys she meets and dates are not going to live up to the kind and sweet things you did for her.
But that isn't necessary. She doesn't have to live with that regret. We could chalk it up to inexperiene and simply human bumbling and I could show her that I meant I'd wait until she was ready. Anyway, I appreciate the thought. (((hug)))
