by Abandoned 38 Replies latest social relationships
Oh, last thought. You posted this story. Just tell her you posted a story,
how to find it. Don't ever ask if she read it, don't expect anything. Don't
send flowers or poems, just a note saying something along the lines of
"I am sorry. Check out my post."
I think she will read it and never speak to you beyond work-stuff.
You will never even learn if she read it. Prove me wrong.
Abandoned, I don't know what to say here. I wish I could help you get her back in some way. Problem is that sometimes people do not see beyond words that you say. I made some pretty stupid comments at times myself and later wondered how on earth something like that ever rolled out of my mouth becuse it never does in other normal circumstances. As stupid as it sounds when we are with someone we love we can say things just to fill up the void, almost feeling that we have to say something, anything, no matter what. Whereas, the best thing would have been just to be quite and listen.
So the only thing I can say to you is that maybe you got too relaxed with her too quickly, I don't know. But looking at the situation I don't think she was still ready for any sort of a new commitment. Perhaps if you try to remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place. You might have been more of your real self, back then. Problem with feelings sometimes is that when they go wrong they go really wrong and there is no middle ground on which to stand. And both sides can sabotage happiness together because that is in human nature especially If you've been through failed relationships before, you might (though unaware of it) start seeking the same characteristics in this new person your ex had and allow any small even innocent situation being interpreted in negative way.
What people have to realize is that there are no two same persons on this planet so it is impossible for say you to be like her ex husband. It is just that she got to know him intimately and he was her whole world. So when you came along it was a clean sheet on which to write. But at the same time that meant lack of information about you which meant when there was something in this new experience she didn’t understand she would resort to her past experiences and explain it through those smoked screen glasses.
Which is why I always believed that spending time together in neutral circumstances is crucial. Otherwise, though, having this perfect gem of relationship we can well and truly destroy it. She can end up in another relationship that won’t be anywhere nearly as happy of what it would have been between two of you by the sound of it. And you might condemn yourself on lifetime of misery and self-doubt.
I think you should give it another try and perhaps just be her friend for a while. And don’t push it. Ask her for coffee. Forget lunches and dinners right away. Sometimes small things can do wonders. She might be thinking about you. In fact if she loved you at any level I would find it hard to believe that she still doesn’t remember you and wonder what it would have been like. It is in human nature.
What you have to understand is that people have their pride and ladies in particular can wait eternity until you make first move. So it is really up to you what is going to happen next.
Life is a strange story. I’ve met some people few moths ago. These two very lovely people said they got to know each other when they were in their late twenties but because of everything around them they ran away from each other. It wasn’t until both of them hit their 60’s that they started seeking for each other. By then they had two marriages each and combined I think 7 children with other people. They now can’t regret enough for being so ‘stupid and hotheaded’ as they put it, but that is life unfortunately with us humans. And as Rob William said no one learns from your mistakes, we all make the same mistakes again.
So if you are sure she is your soul mate look for her, she just might be doing the same but doesn’t know what or how to do it. Make it easier for her by doing the first step. And that is all you can do anyway, rest is up to her.
Thanks Zagor, but the longer it goes on the more romantic it would be if we hooked up. Ten years from now, I'm working on my doctorate, or decorating my house made of cardboard, or something in between and we run into eachother unexpectedly. I recognize her immediately but she only knows I'm someone familiar. She's older and a bit beaten up, or looking fantastic -- either way, she says hi and we make some small talk. She finally divorced her husband. He cheated on her with one too many and then, all of a sudden she gasps. She remembers me. "Wow, this is so strange," she says.
"What?"
She looks me over from head to toe and a tear forms in her right eye. She moves her hand up to wipe it away but another follows and she just collapses into a warm hug. We part and I ask, "What brought that on?"
"I ran across your poems last week." She starts to laugh, a bit of nervousness mixed in. "I though I'd tossed them. I was so mad at you. I was so pissed. I could have sworn I tossed them and yet there they were."
"And now here I am..."
Doesn't anyone else think this would be romantic?
Abandoned, I doth see you are a h-o-p-e-l-e-s-s romantic!
*hugs*
ESTEE
Romantic men! (sigh)
Have you been reading romance novels? Those will mess you up for real people, you know.
Work on doing the things in your life that you want to do (non-relationship related) and be happy and productive and move forward. She will be back or someone that is more right for you will show up, just when you least expect it.
Abandoned Sorry for your loss, you may have scared her away though, sounds like you were pretty intense.
I feel for you, as I feel I lost my soul mate 4 years ago. I felt suicidal when I broke up with him, because I didn't think I could live without him because my feelings for him were soooo intense; he treated me like a queen but refused to commit to me, so after 18 months I broke up with him. What really upset me is that he was the one who pursued me and he would say things like "God does not recognize second marriages", "I promised myself I would never remarry" etc etc. But he did remarry a little over a year after I broke up with him. I absolutely loved everything about him and we clicked so much, and he made me feel awesome. He even told me he had been with a lot of women (he was older than me) but that our intimacy surprassed anything imagineable, like fireworks every time.
I rushed into a marriage to try to block my intense sorrow and now am going through a divorce. I wished I had gone into therapy instead of another marriage, but anyway. I still shed tears sometimes over this previous boyfriend because my heart still aches for him. Sometimes I feel like my heart will never mend, it's that bad. And I purposefully married someone I was not in love with, because I don't think I could ever let myself fall for someone that hard ever again--I don't think I could live through it again, the pain was and is still too intense.
Forgot to add--Abandoned, I hope you meet a lady one day who truly appreciates you because you deserve it! You are such a romantic!!!
AB- will you marry me???? JUST KIDDING!!
Thanks for sharing!!
love ya- shell
