I think love supercedes all those things. If there aint no love, there's no point writing poems and smothering in flowers. Love truly is an amazing gift that someone can give. Too much time spent pondering how to impress may actually be counter productive as it detracts from self confidence and natural affection. So know what you want first...
What do women REALLY want?
by Abandoned 138 Replies latest social relationships
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Pleasuredome
Pleasure, just because a woman is in her 20's or 30's doesn't mean she wants to be treated "shitty".
FHN. really? i expect all women to say that. but then i expect the majority of young women to go for guys who will treat them like that. not because they conciously want to be treated like that, but because subconciously they want a guy who treats them badly because it offers them comfort in that they know what they are getting.
most young women cant stand the thought of forming a relationship with a guy who is gentle, intellegent, deep, sensitive, because it causes unpredictability, it creates uncertainty for the woman in her mind. the challenge is on an intellectual level rather than on an emotional level and most young women dont like that.
but then there are some intellegent, real women. these can be recognised by engaging in a few minutes of conversation, by looking into their eyes and seeing how fresh and positive those eyes and conversations are. these women who dont seek to be hooked emotionaly on a guy, but prefer to engage the intellect.
Like it or not guys, you are going to have take each woman as individual and get to know HER.
total crap. why the hell would i waste my time getting to know a woman when by taking 5 minutes to listen to what comes out of her mouth and gaging the look in her eyes would surfice? of course my formular isnt going to work for the vast majority of men, because they're just as useless as the vast majority of women.
some fantastic women that i'm glad to know i've met this way.
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Twitch
Life is about not being compatible but rather how well you deal with incompatibility.
:-)
how you treat your enemies determines the peace you have,...etc.
as for what women want, i'm with the "each woman is different" camp. Sure, deep down we all essentially want the same things. But the intrinsic differences between us present the attractions and difficulties, challenges and rewards in all what seems simple and complex all at once. Each woman i've known was unique in her own way and attracted me because of it. Each had different strengths and weaknesses, needs and wants, hopes and fears and each was a tapestry that i loved to gaze upon for a time, so to speak. Each taught me different things about myself and about woman, not women as the boys say. Each one taught me how to "dance" a little better though the best "dances" were the ones wnere it was like you didn't have to try; you just naturally fell into step together. But i digress. They want you to be a man. Which man that is depends on the woman. :-)
But isn't the question; What do YOU really want?
perhaps the rest will fall in line,....
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Xena
Pleasure, just because a woman is in her 20's or 30's doesn't mean she wants to be treated "shitty".
FHN. really? i expect all women to say that. but then i expect the majority of young women to go for guys who will treat them like that. not because they conciously want to be treated like that, but because subconciously they want a guy who treats them badly because it offers them comfort in that they know what they are getting.
most young women cant stand the thought of forming a relationship with a guy who is gentle, intellegent, deep, sensitive, because it causes unpredictability, it creates uncertainty for the woman in her mind. the challenge is on an intellectual level rather than on an emotional level and most young women dont like that.
but then there are some intellegent, real women. these can be recognised by engaging in a few minutes of conversation, by looking into their eyes and seeing how fresh and positive those eyes and conversations are. these women who dont seek to be hooked emotionaly on a guy, but prefer to engage the intellect.
I think what you are mistaking women wanting to be treated like crap for women who don't think they deserve anything better than being treated like crap. Low self esteem is a big issue with a lot of women. And it effects ones you wouldn't expect to see it in. I have a friend, extremely beautiful woman. Everywhere we go men's head turn, but she felt like she had to get a boob job to feel good about herself. Fast forward to after the boob job, she still has self esteem issues and constantly gets with men who treat her badly. She doesn't feel worthy of being with someone who treats her well. Unfortunately there are to many women with issues like that. And she is perpetuating this in her own daughters, and that is truly a shame!
Conversely I've met men who only seem to be attracted to women who treat them like crap.
Lots of disfunctional people out there.
Really enjoyed your post Twitch.
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FreeChick
I don't need a man to make be feel happy, fulfilled or have money (well, he does need a job)....got all that.
They do need to possess self-respect, self-confidence, self-love...be spiritual (know why you are here...have a purpose).
I want a man who isn't afraid to communicate and show his feelings.
Be able to laugh, laugh and laugh some more.
Be intellectual...nothing more boring than a guy who doesn't use his brain.
Have the backbone to take the lead and know when to step-aside...know I will still respect him even when he doesn't have all the answers and we have to take the lead together.
Not get scared when I say what I want/need...because I don't expect men to guess what those things are and don't think less of you for not knowing. Respect the fact that I am able to communicate my needs and will listen to yours.
Be honest with yourself and me...don't play games with my feelings or my heart. Don't say you love me one day and be confused about the relationship the next.
Don't say you love me until you are ready to work out potential relationship issues.
Prove that it's okay to feel secure and trust you...that you will be my confidante and I yours.
Please respect our intimacy...oh right, if we have all of the above, be ready for lots of intimacy.
FreeChick...of the Live, Love, Laugh Club
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Apostate Kate
The best thing I did when I was single was to make new friends. Learn how to be a friend to others. That is something I am still working on after being a dub.
Amen sister. I feel SOOOO SHUNTED in this aspect of my life. Besides the intense feeling that I constantly have to prove myself or the person will no longer like me, I walk around with the almost certain expectation that every relationship is temporary and going to leave. I hate it and I don't know how to move on from it.
I'm the same way! I wonder how much of this was effected by the WT..really don't know. Even though I am sincerely happy and well treated and taken care of, sometimes I get this feeling of wanting to fly away..start over somewhere that nobody knows me...I have done this many times in my life! It all feels so temporary sometimes.
My childhood experience was very extreme. My mother and I moved around more than a military family after her divorce. I was a gypsy as a very young teen, my mom nearly died from lack of blood transfusion and lived with my sister whose husband lusted after me so I lived wherever. I lived at my brother in law's parent's house, all dubs, and my brother in law's brother molested me, so I looked for someplace else to live. Everything was temporary.
The only time in my life that I stayed put was when I was raising my children for 16 years. Because of my husbands abuse it was 16 years of sheer hell, I could not support the children on my own so I stayed and took the abuse. After my divorce I moved around looking for a place to settle. My childhood girlfriends were JW's, one must be dead by now and the other slipped into insanity. There was never any extended family, siblings estranged and instable, never had a support system of any kind. Father was evil, sick and dangerous to be around. As bad as you can imagine.
I've been out here since 1998 and I have finally put down roots. There are a few people from my past that I make an effort to reach out in love to. Other than that most of my friends are newer, since I moved here. It takes work and unconditional love, a measure of trust. But being a Christian don't feel that I have to trust people, I trust in God and know that my God has asked me to love all people unconditionally, and that love is an action word.
For those of you that think women want to be treated badly, think again. I used to believe that I did not deserve to be treated like a princess, since no one had ever done so, it must be me right? Wrong. It took me a long time to understand that I am a princess and deserve to be treated like one.
Most women will find this out and leave mistreatment. You have no idea how much an abused little girl needs to grow up and be treated right, they want it, they may not have found out that they deserve it yet. Men have no idea how much little girls/women suffer, and how many of us have. Do you know how many of us have suffered violent rapes? The number used to be 1 in 4. Don't expect us to tell you about any of it, just treat us as if we were your princess.
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J-ex-W
Women are often willing to go out on dates and have men spend money on them, even though they know that a man doesn't have a snowballs chance in you know where in getting to first base with them. Men are willing to go out on dates and spend money on attractive women trying to get to first base, knowing that the woman has a snowballs chance in ####, in getting her shopping list filled.
Moshe---------- Wow. That's a really bleak look at the dating dance. [I refuse to say 'game,' because I don't like playing those]. To set the record straight, not all women allow that kind of lead-on. I'm one who doesn't.
I learned early on, post-divorce that there are plenty of men out there who will put forth that effort/ financial investment into a hopeful prospect, even when the woman is straight forward about there being no prospects (still hoping that something down the line will change). I have more compassion than that, than to allow a man to give and give into a situation that I know to be a black hole (reaching no point of capitulation on my part).
As for the men misrepresenting themselves...yeah...experienced that one, too. Broke my heart. Let him go. I need a man with integrity, not someone who fakes it.
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FreeChick
J-ex-W says:
I learned early on, post-divorce that there are plenty of men out there who will put forth that effort/ financial investment into a hopeful prospect, even when the woman is straight forward about there being no prospects (still hoping that something down the line will change). I have more compassion than that, than to allow a man to give and give into a situation that I know to be a black hole (reaching no point of capitulation on my part).
As for the men misrepresenting themselves...yeah...experienced that one, too. Broke my heart. Let him go. I need a man with integrity, not someone who fakes it.
I agree with you on both of these points. Sometimes it takes several "no's" for a man to realize he doesn't have a chance. I've gotten a lot of respect back from them though...you know for not accepting those vacations, gifts, etc.
Men who misrepresent themselves...the game players, well, they suck.
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Pleasuredome
I think what you are mistaking women wanting to be treated like crap for women who don't think they deserve anything better than being treated like crap. Low self esteem is a big issue with a lot of women. And it effects ones you wouldn't expect to see it in. I have a friend, extremely beautiful woman. Everywhere we go men's head turn, but she felt like she had to get a boob job to feel good about herself. Fast forward to after the boob job, she still has self esteem issues and constantly gets with men who treat her badly. She doesn't feel worthy of being with someone who treats her well. Unfortunately there are to many women with issues like that. And she is perpetuating this in her own daughters, and that is truly a shame!
hi zena, i believe these are two seperate factors. however, what you say is a big problem which i can only sum up as what you think or put out in thought form you attract.
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FreeChick
hmmm....I'm shortening my list from the one I wrote above to just one thing....
HONESTY
Guys...know what you want, need and can give in a relationship be true to those things...don't tell us something else.