Online Dating etiquette (page 2)

SirNose586

I've heard too many horror stories. No way would I want to meet somebody online. I couldn't imagine meeting someone through any sort of dating service; there too many variables in the equation.

Question about the etiquette: I may be close to having unintenionally broken the last one (not to disappear into cyberspace). I e-mailed a local guy whose profile I saw and liked on myspace.com--not necessarily for dating, specifically, but just to expand my social circle...you know. Anyway, after a few exchanges (and some wariness on his part--I had to send him a couple pics ["Fair is fair," he said], he agreed to meet up for coffee after the holidays.

I emailed him last night for the first time in about two weeks now. Is that two weeks the equivalent of 'disappearing?' I'm wondering because we had daily exchanges for several days before he could be persuaded this was real and agreed to meet. Do you think I may have inadvertently angered him/ fueled his insecurity that way over this past two weeks of silence--made it look like it was a hoax, etc. I'm concerned now that he might not respond because he feels convinced that he was taken for a ride. [I'm sincere about meeting him.] Anyone?

J-ex-W

BTW, he knew I was leaving on a trip and wouldn't be back until the 4th or 5th. I just don't know if because email is so ubiquitious I would be expected to keep touch during that time (especially since it took some effort to convince him I wasn't spam or a jokester).

misanthropic

::Three
Thou shalt not send too many emails to someone who has not responded
The majority of men have obsessive compulsive disorder and need meds.
LOL, my thoughts exactly.

zagor

Lying about your emotional availability, makes you a candidate for therapy.

How ture, some people need therapist not a relationship

jgnat

Thou shalt not use a picture that no longer looks like you - LOL. Reminds me of a site where the men wore sunglasses and baseball caps. My girlfriend asked why? I said, "The baseball cap is to hide the bald spot, and the sunglasses so their wives won't recognize them."

Jim_TX

J-ex-W wrote - "I emailed him last night for the first time in about two weeks now. Is that two weeks the equivalent of 'disappearing?' I'm wondering because we had daily exchanges for several days before he could be persuaded this was real and agreed to meet. Do you think I may have inadvertently angered him/ fueled his insecurity that way over this past two weeks of silence--made it look like it was a hoax, etc. I'm concerned now that he might not respond because he feels convinced that he was taken for a ride. [I'm sincere about meeting him.] Anyone?"

Well... you may have only made him more wary of your intentions.

An example - from experience - although, mine was through the online dating site...

I made contact with a prospective gal - ad we exchanged e-mails. We decided to meet for lunch one day. All I had for a name - for this gal - was her online nicname... something like WhiteKnight... (I don't really remember it.)

Anyway, we meet for a pleasant lunch - and talk - and part to go our respective jobs after lunch. I asked her - her name. She said "Just call me 'WhiteKnight'."

I wasn't too thrilled about that.

I think that we exchanged a few e-mails after that, and I gave up. I know one has to be careful these days, but if you're going to not even give out your first name (I didn't even need a last name... just something to use when addressing the individual)... well... it's time to back away... back away slowly... then RUN!!!

I quit typing to her and moved on - although there wasn't anyone else.

A few weeks later I get an e-mail from her - out of the blue. (I am guessing that she couldn't find anyone willing to put up with just calling her 'WhiteKnight'.) We typed a few e-mails, and then agreed to meet again for lunch. A very pleasant lunch was had... but still no name.

I dunno which 'rule' she was breaking... or if it was ME that was breaking a 'rule'... I decided it wasn't worth getting involved with an individual who had possible issues.

So. Will this man reply to your e-mail? Possibly... but if I were him, I'd be a bit leery... wondering 'what happened?'

Good Luck.

Regards,

Jim TX

J-ex-W

Jim_TX-------------- Thanks for responding to my question. Now I have another one. Do you think there is any way I can at least attempt to remedy this? Two nights have passed with no response from him. I'm wondering if writing him again would be a good idea and, if so, how soon is the soonest I should try it? I thought about telling him, 'Look, I'll be at ____place at ___time. Come take a peek if you want, to see that I'm real. You don't even have to come in and sit down.' But I thought that might even sound more like a joke.

I thought about showing up at his work one day; he'd have to recognize me from my pic. --I googled him after his email showed me his full name, just to see if anything would come up. Turns out he works at my college, of all places. (I'm not currently a student--recovering from health issues.) ...But then I thought, that might look like stalking!

So now I'm wondering if I just blew this one all to pieces and should just give up. Problem is, I hate the idea of him being left with the humiliating feeling of having been pranked, all because of me. At the very least, I feel like my showing up there would show him that, while I may be online-dating-etiquette naive, I'm not a huckster, and someone was showing genuine interest in him.

Nosferatu----come on! Of all people, I would have thought you'd be on this one.......

I do welcome anyone's [serious] input. I probably should have started my own topic for this one, but didn't initially think about it.

J-ex-W

bttt

serendipity

HI ex JW,
I'd give it a week, then email again. Mention your vacation and previous email and ask about meeting. Short and sweet. If he doesn't reply to that one, he's not interested, or he's busy.

I wouldn't show up at his workplace, though.

Online Dating etiquette

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