Interfaith Relationship

Christina77

I am currently involved in a relationship for the last year and a half with a man that I found out about 2 months ago is a Jehovahs Witness (and I am Catholic). The only reason why I found this out, was that I was pushing the issue as to why his parents do not know that I exist. This really irritated me since he has a very close relationship with his parents. We have spoke about getting married in a few years (and even looked at rings). When I found out about his beliefs, I asked him if he still wanted me as his wife, and he said yes. I read the post began by Sophie, and it was very helpful, although mine has a little twist on it.

You see we have been very intimately involved with eachother. When I found out he said that we had to stop having sex??? and I couldn't tell his parents what we are doing??? I got very angry at him at this comment, and it shouldn't change anything just because I know of his beliefs. He is the one that is wrong for not sharing this with me and should never began it in the first place. Yet he said that if he had told me, he feared that I would leave him, due to my beliefs. I said no and he is willing to work things out. I don't plan on converting, and am not pressuring him to convert or leave his beliefs. I just need to know if we can possibly co-exist without changing anything?

Yet nothing has happened since this and I don't know what to do. Every question I ask him he just replies "I don't know".

What will happen when his parents find out about me? How will I be treated? as well as our future children? What will happen if we were to get married?

I am just so frustrated because I really don't know much about his beliefs and he has been so closed since he let me know. I really want to spend the rest of my life with him as does he. We both hate being away from eachother and I really, truly do love him. I don't know what to do, and I really want him to come clean to his parents before any more time passes. I think it will get worse the longer he waits.

Thank you, any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Christina

butalbee

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Learn a little something about his religion. It's strange that he would hide it from you, since this was the first thing "my friend" told me was that he was a witness, blah, blah, blah...

His relatives will most likely be a problem for you, trust me I know that very well. You are a worldly person, after all, in their eyes.

Can you two co exist without covertion? Maybe. It depends how serious he is about his cult, and if you are a practicing catholic.

We don't bring religion into our relationship, and I have never tried or even wanted to change him.

Christina77

To give a little more info in response to your post, I am a fully practicing Catholic... attend mass EVERY Sunday and holidays, have received all my sacrements up to confirmation and am raising my daughter in my faith as well. And since I have been enlightened, I have not been able to read enough on the subject to figure it out for myself, so that I get some backround on his beliefs. Dispite this I can not make any sense out of it, and becoming more and more confused, which only adds to the fact that our relationship is WRONG!!! I don't know what to believe and what to think about how our present and future can exist. I do love him very much, but now that it is out in the open it is as if he is free to discuss anything he wants and it freaks me out a little. All the books, watchtower, and awake are now lying around his apartment, especially bothersome the ones that are next to the bed that we share togehter. It is as if he has a split personality at times. He even used to miss the Tuesday meetings, so we could go out to dinner and now he is running a bible study on Sunday afternoons??? I try and not think about it when we are together yet, I can't get it out of my head that I am corrupting him. Even though it is mutual, I will be blamed for leading him astray. He has done this on his own free will and now seems guilty about it in some ways. It confuses me more that he wants to be with me every night and can't wait to see me again, constantly asking if I will be coming over today, the next and so on. I make time for him, and then he ends up having to spend more and more time trying to make himself look like and outstanding member of their community. The whole situation is just too weird, and I really want my old boyfriend back and the way things were before. It really hurts. I wish that he would just come clean.

butalbee

THIS CULT DOESN'T BELIEVE IN FREE WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least now you know that he is a witness, that means that he doesn't have to hide anything from you anymore. Which in my opinion is very good for any relationship...

If he was so serious about his religion, I find it hard to believe that you two would "share the same bed" and not be married. Hell, I had to wait 8 months for a kiss. Well worth the wait--I'd like to add!

His parents would not approve and unless you two are strong enough to survive a lot a bullshit, from them, from elders, etc...your relationship is doomed...

I think you need to talk to him about these feelings, but just don't speak negatively about his cult.

In my opinion, religion shouldn't matter in love.

TheRecordCollector

Butalbee...
Angel never witnessed to me or even told me she is a witness, until one day she emailed me and said that she was

"not going to write me anymore and I'll tell you why...I'm a Jehovahs witness..."

This was AFTER she quit the store.

Why do you think she would not tell me? Could it be that she can't defend her faith?

I do have to say here, that Angel told me that years ago, she did leave the witness for a time. she told me that she "was bad" and told me some of what she had done. I explained to her that it didn't matter.

Her conscience bothered her & she went back. But, sadly, this is the only "religion" she's ever known...she's never known the freedom that is in Christ!

Christina77

I was totally ready to talk to him last night, and for some reason I can't get up the nerve. It is just weird and I am so scared of losing him. I want to know the truth but I just can't seem to bring it up. He knew that there was something wrong, but I just couldn't tell him. If I did I felt like I would burst into tears again. I really don't know how long it can last like this, and he just acts like there is nothing wrong. My heart is just being torn apart. I was even debating on whether or not to go visit him. I am such a procrastinator, yet it is me that is bothered by this. He is having his fun at my expense. I am just so scared.

spider

I do not really have any good advice.
I can however understand his condition.You stated that he appears at times to have a split personality.This often happens to witnesses.
I remember the assembly talks back in the eighties "Youths, guard against leading double lives".
On the one hand a person appeared to behave like the model witness. When away from the scrutiny with worldly friends,behaviour would change to mimic those around him.
To some extent all witnesses learn to do this.After all,they do live in two very different worlds.They have opposing rules and standards.To live in both one learns how to be a chameleon.Its necessary for suvival.
What happens when worlds collide?
As a child this was always the nightmare. Going door to door and meeting a school friend.How to behave? How to speak? The worldly way or the witness way?
Witnesses learn to compartmentalize things.As long as they remain apart everything is okey.
You're boyfriend had a life that was seperate from you.It was neat, controlled and he could deal with it this way.
Now this is changed and his brain is in conflict.Its like matter and anti-matter coming together.
You're the conduit of two opposing forces.His witness self and his worldly self.In you he see his own duplicity.
You know he's a witness but hasn't behaved as one.You know his secret.There is a part of him that is scared of the damage you'd do if you ever revealed it.
Noone can function with such discord in his head.Arms pulled in different directions. He says "I don't know" to you.Its no wonder.
Through you he feels guilt and shame.He tries to be a good witness to absolve these negetive feelings.
He tries harmonizing his fractured world by behaving like a witness with you too.He must somehow bring unity to chaos. He wishes things could go back to the way they were before,but knows its impossible.
Two opposing forces battling in one conflicted brain. Both can't suvive. One must win out.
He doesn't want to make a choice but he must.It won't be easy.He might try to keep things together.Keep all balls in the air for a while longer.You're relationship may suffer.
In the end, for you're good and for his, he will have decide what is most important to him.
I wish you luck.

larc

Christina,

You said that you are a "fully practicing Catholic", because you go to mass EVERY Sunday. No you are not a fully practicing Catholic. You have been shacking up with a man for a year and a half, which is against the tennets of your religion. Your friend is not a fully practicing Jehovah's Witnesse for the same reason. You both have to come to grips with the fact that you have violated your religious beliefs, and figure out what to do about it. My opinion of your male friend is that he had a year and half of fun, and now doesn't know how to face you or his church.

SixofNine

Yuck.

You are dating one messed up dude!

Here is a guy who thinks he can get away with cheating on EVERYONE, including, and maybe most importantly, his God! I mean think about it! "God" is his 'raison detre', and he is willing to skulk around, lying about his actions? And make no mistake, in a very real sense, on some level, he really believes his lying and double life toward his congregation, are really direct sins and lying to God.

Yuck.

It would be one thing if he had just quietly backed away from his religion when he met you, I could respect that, in fact I would applaud that. But this? Yuck!

At this point in his life, he is not a good person. Sorry to be so blunt, but you deserve better. We all do.

Disfellowship him, the right way, not the witness way, lol.

chappy

Tell you what Christina, let's you and I get married and become Unitarians.

later,
chappy

Interfaith Relationship

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