Interfaith Relationship

by Christina77 66 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  kenny2

  Hello, I have just found this forum in the last few days and have learned much and feel like i've just discovered new friends. Thanx for being here.
  I do have to say that calling this man a weasel might have been a bit too harsh. I have been dfd since 85 but remember well the feeling of believing what i had been programmed to believe, and wanting to live my life with freedom that I was not allowed to have. I feel for this guy, and you too christina. Like I said before, He is scared to death. It sounds like his heart is with you, but breaking away from the jws seams impossible to him. He is searching through his mind how to keep you both and it is tearing him apart. Been there, done that. I know its not right but i do remember not knowing where to turn. I think if we are all honest about it, We all remember. Hang in there, Christina.
• 

  larc

  Christina,

  Let me clarify something. I have no problem with the fact that you and your friend have an intimate relationship. It doesn't bother me in the least. If you read the context of my choice of words, you will see that I was questioning your friends motives. I know how the mind of the Witness works. He believes that what he is doing is sinful. He believes that he will die if he doesn't stop it. In his mind you are wordly, part of Satan's organization and he is ashamed to have you meet his parents. I think the guy is a low life jerk.
• 

  Eyebrow

  Honey, forget the whole religion thing. If this guy claims to really be a JW, yet only admitted it a few months ago when he KNOWS you are catholic, then he has been living, or attempting to live a double life.

  This guy is not trustworthy. I am sorry if I seem harsh, but this is a HUGE lie. Respect yourself enough to marry someone that respects you.

  Good luck!
• 

  spider

  I am trying to think of solutions here rather than be a prophet of gloom. I gave that up.
  You're last messages make this hard.The idea of looking at witness videos together makes the hairs stand on end. He does not seem to be mentally preparing to leave the witnesses. Rather the reverse.

  He believes its the truth. Here lies the problem. I do not know if you understand what this means to a witness. That isn't meant to be patronising.
  Catholic's, Protestant, Baptist have faith in Christ. They believe however that there could be alternative ways of worship - alternative ways of living that are acceptable.
  For a witness there is only "the truth". And "the truth" is of couse, the truth.
  There is no other way. No other acceptable option. No walking out without God's rejection and death. Outside is the wilderness,barren; full of danger. There's no hope outside. Only borrowed time waiting for Armageddon.
  He believes this - after you're last few mails I see that.
  His internal tape recorder spouts messages; the same ones, over and over. He does not really reason, he just hears the messages and reacts. He thinks he is thinking but its just years of indoctrination playing out.
  "Its the truth;there is nowhere else;if I leave I will be destroyed". These continue again and again along with a million other messages. They make him feel guilty. They make him go to meetings. They could make him stop seeing you.
  While this goes on there is something else - something inside - it is stunted,under nourished, pale and barely audible. It is fighting for breathe.It is him.
  This is his true nature,fighting to be expressed. He struggles to keep you. Overpowered, supressed, trapped within a web of circular reasoning, false doctrine, unfair expectation. There is the organizations heavy hand pushing him down. There are the messages again,'the truth' is the truth is 'the truth' is the truth. He is losing concousness.

  I know of people who have left the witnesses believing its the truth. I have known witnesses that have not been going on the ministry that believe that they will be destroyed at Armageddon.
  A witness might say "I know God will kill me; it is his right and I probably deserve it."
  Whatever he does for God, it is never quite enough.He must try harder, do better. He will never live up to such high standards. Such thoughts lead to disillusionment. This is when ones true self breaks the water for air and gains control.
  It is a constant battle. Who will win?
  Its strange but this war against terrorism doesn't help. Witnesses look to world events to guage the closeness of Armageddon.When they see such things they say "this is it". There's a rise in meetings attendance,field service activity.People like you're friend, panic and think its time to get with the programme.
  Things are going badly for you. If the illusion were to be broken;If he were able to find out that the organization is not God's only mouthpiece - that it is one giant mirage; Then you might have a shot. But, that's a hell of a job and would take commitment and understanding of his religion which you do not have now.

  I hope things improve, I really do.Be prepared though to face that this might not go as you hope.
• 

  Christina77

  Spider, that is the thing... I had the real him for a long time, and only the real him. While things died down lately I somewhat had the real him again until I brought it up. Yet all I can think about is his witness side, when is it going to take over all of his actions? Which I think he intended to do when he finally told me. His witness side is very pre-programed, and I don't like that. I want him to tell me from what he knows, not from what the scripture says. I cringe thinking about watching those videos. I want him to tell it like I was a six year old. Hopefully he will see it in his heart to do that for me. He really is getting more involved which doesn't make sense and I really do think I am going to loose him because of it.
• 

  wife_2_a_Witness

  I am married to a doubting-inactive witness. We met on the internet and for a long time he wouldnt tell me his religion either. Everytime I asked he would change the subject.

  We co-exist very very well. I dont believe in Religion at all so therefore he didnt have to worry about having to convert to my religion and since I dont believe in religion he knew I didnt have to worry about coverting to his..... it is a hard long story but here it goes.............

  in May of 99 I met Shawn in the X-Files chat room and from that night we were always in contact with each other. ;)

  We started calling and writing and emailing....and then one day his car broke down and he had to stay with his parents. His dad asked him why since his car was fixed was he still staying with them. Shawn's phone had been turned off because of the $1800 we had run up calling. He told his dad that he was interested in me .....a girl that was not JW....scary for him to admit. In August he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I told my parents that I was moving to st louis (they were NOT happy atALL). He told his parents he was coming to get me and that we were going to be married...... his mom cried.... his sister told him do whatever you want to do..... his brotherinlaw got pissed at him and his father welllllllll told him that he needed to think about it a little longer. But Shawn and I had made up our minds. They didnt not like the fact that shawn was in love with a worldly girl. My parents didnt like the fact that I was moving so far away with a person I had never met face to face until the night he arrived in my small hometown in oklahoma.

  We got back to st louis and all was fine. 2 days later his parents came by and the first words out of motherinlaw's mouth was ~did you get married??~ Shawn was thrown off and just said yes.

  Well now they think we were married on September 1 instead of our actual wedding date of October22.

  Our life has been unusually hard considering the fact that I want children and they dont want grandchildren.

  There are things that my hubby was taught that I just cannot agree with and he knows this. I respect him and he respects me.

  ok after i got to st louis my sisterinlaw caught shawn smoking, he had to go to the elders as she turned him in. the elders then had tried to blame me for his smoking. He tried to explain to them that he had been smoking since highschool and full 4 years before we met or knew each other. But they still tried to pin it on me. They didnt disfellowship him though he said he had the life and death fear when they sent him out of the room for their decision. They had removed him from any duties for marrying me so there wasnt much else they could do besides disfellowshipping. They took away his right to answer questions in the sunday morning session and he could no longer go on "field service" (door to door) untill he was repentant. He still to this date has not gone back to the kingdom hall.

  He is reading Crisis of Consceince by Ray Franz and he identifies with it alot.

  When his mom and dad came down to visit us after we moved back to where I grew up, they went to the kingdom hall here and his mom told one of the ladies there that shawn had decided not to be a witness anymore and had married me.

  I dont persuade him to stay out and I dont persuade him to go back. I have no matter in that decision as it is a personal one with God.

  I do however trust that God would have never set us on the path to each other if he truly didnt want us to be together.

  Good Luck and Have Faith......
• 

  wife_2_a_Witness

  Sorry my name is Angela lol, I forgot to sign the post above...argh

  I have respect for your views, all i ask for is respect back. You may not agree with me and you may, either way cool with me. I may agree with you and i may not, either way I respect it.

  Angela married to Shawn a non-practicing doubting JW.
• 

  Christina77

  Thank you Angela, and I do agree with you on the respect part... I respect all for their beliefs, no matter what they are. That is going to be the hardest part for me to deal with, in the fact that we totally have been brought up on different beliefs. He is worried about raising my daughter in a family with 2 different belief systems. Yet he adores her very much, and is better with her then her own father. It will also come into an even bigger problem when we decide to have our own children, which I desperately want. Facing his family in that matter will be horrible.
• 

  wife_2_a_Witness

  oh hon do get ready for some fights if you decide to have children that arent going to be raised witness.

  His parents absolutely hate the fact that I will not raise my kids JW. But this is the way I look at it>>>>> their father has doubts, I am not part of the religion so why the hell am i going to raise my kids in a religion I dont believe in and their father has doubts about? see what I mean.

  Shawn and I have come to the agreement about blood that if I need a transfusion and nothing else is working and he finds he cant make the decision he will turn it over to my parents/sisters. if it comes to the children and he feels he cant make the decision it comes to me or my parents/sisters.

  I thought I was pregnant about 6 months after we married and when I asked his mom to take me to the doc she absolutely got peeved and was angry that shawn and I hadnt used birthcontrol. They dont want grandchildren but I cant make them happy with that. My sister in law has decided she doesnt want children so I guess they think their son shouldnt either......and especially with a girl that isnt witness.

  My family makes it a lot easier on us then his. My family respects his beliefs. he will eat Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day and Father's Day dinner with us, but doesnt participate in the gift giving/opening. They dont push it on him and he doesnt push his on them. My inlaws on the other hand, well lets just say I've been tried to convert so many times, even after I told them that I dont believe in religion--any religion. That seemed to make it worse.

  Hold fast in your convictions and if you and he really love each other, dont listen to anyone else. I know it is hard, but you can do it.

  I respect the people in the religion but I will never respect what the religion does to them. My Shawn was in absolute fear for his life when he thought they were going to disfellowship him. They teach them like that, it may be one of the things wrong with your man, he may be afraid for his life. IF he is disfellowshipped he will lose all contact with his family and friends that are witnesses, that can be reason enough to be scared most times.

  I wish you luck.

  Angela

  I have respect for your views, all i ask for is respect back. You may not agree with me and you may, either way cool with me. I may agree with you and i may not, either way I respect it.

  Angela married to Shawn a non-practicing doubting JW.
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Christiana77,

  I've had an experience a lot like yours, I'm the Catholic and my wife is the Jehovah's Witness. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND AGAINST an interfaith marriage. If you have children he will be expected and PRESSURED to raise those children as Witnesses, and to try to raise your daughter, his step daughter, as a witness.

  He will also be expected and pressured to try to convert you. As a Witness he will not be able to celebrate birthdays, christmas, easter, or any other holidays openly. He will not be allowed to marry you in the Catholic Church or have a priest present, he could be disfellowshipped, which is like excommunication EXCEPT that his family and friends will cut off social contact with him, and you.

  If he marries you, a Non-Witness, he will be seen by the Elders and other Witnesses as being spiritually weak.

  THE ONLY reason my marriage has lasted 6 years is because my wife has become inactive and is thinking of converting.

  Chris, it's a tough row to hoe, are you up to it? Do you have crucifixes or crosses? Expect to see them begin to disappear if you marry him. My wife hid mine SEVERAL times before I put my foot down. Are you ready to give up celebrating holidays for the sake of family peace?

  Please, if you have questions, feel free to email me, if you have a HOTMAIL account you'll have to email me at [email protected] and not on the clickable icon up to the left here. Study the tenents of their faith but DON'T become involved in any type of "study" with them. They're pretty crafty in the way they've twisted and out right CHANGED the bible.

  Finally, he's been dishonest with you, not a good foundation for a relationship in my opinion.
  God Bless ya kiddo

  YERUSALYIM
  "Vanity! It's my favorite sin!"
  [Al Pacino as Satan, in "DEVIL'S ADVOCATE"]