I find myself in a situation that has me very confused. I’d like your input on this.
I work for a large company (over 550 employees) and as such, romantic and or sexual relationships between employees tend to develop every once in a while. We don’t have a policy against such relationships and things seem to work themselves out eventually. At last count; 4 marriages, 1 pregnancy and more than a few breakups. I always said I would never get involved with someone at work and so far, so good. However, (you knew this was coming) about 8 months ago a new employee was hired which kind of changed my opinion. At first I only gave her the friendly smile and quick hello. At lunch she’d come and sit with the group but eventually we’d end up talking by ourselves. So we got friendly, I got to know a little bit more about her and she about me. Her personality and way of looking at life made me realize that I was becoming attracted to her. She seems to like me as well. We have lunch (at work) whenever we can, I call her or she calls me and we meet up. The other day I happened to mention that I had a cold and when I got back to my office I had an email from her offering to go to the store to get me some medicine or chicken soup! There are also several people at work who have mentioned that she seems to be attracted to me, I try to play it off as though I don’t know what they are talking about.
Now here is my dilemma; she is 10 years younger than I am (I am 35, she is 25). I don’t consider my self “old” and I certainly don’t “feel” my age, but I guess from 25 to 35 there is a large gap, however we do have quite a few things in common. Other than minor flirting I haven’t pursued any kind of relationship outside of work. I guess what I’m asking is: Is 10 years a big difference in age? Have you ever dated/married someone with such an age difference? Does it really matter? The thing I don’t want is to come across as the “creepy old guy” hitting on the younger girl. Normally I would not have even considered it, but this girl seems mature and we seem to be hitting it off.
I put this question to a friend of mine and she said it all comes down to life experience, meaning I have more life experience than she does, thus we could not possibly have anything in common. To a certain extent I understand what she means because at my age, most people have gotten married, they have children and a mortgage or have been through divorce. However, I’ve not done any of those things. After I left the “truth” I was in a bad place and sheltered myself from everything and everyone. No relationships, no family, no friends, nothing. It took quite a while to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. So while I have experience in life, it’s different than most.
Sorry for the long post, and I don’t mean to ramble but I’m confused as to what I should do next. She is the first person I’ve started developing feelings for in a long time and it turns out she’s younger that I am. Am I creepy for having feelings for her given our age difference? I don’t want to be. Do these relationships work? How do younger women feel about situations like this? What do you guys think?
Age Differences in Relationships Help!
by noontide 43 Replies latest jw friends
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noontide
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Bstndance
I don't think 10 years is a big deal. My mom is 18 years younger than my step-father. Now that's creepy HAHA... As your friend said, it is all about life experience. What do you know about her and her past? Perhaps she has done her partying and is in a more mature frame of mind.
Another thing would be to find out about her family life and her relationship with her father. If it was rocky, she may be looking for an older man as a subconscious replacement for the relationship she never had. I heard that on Dr. Laura the other day but there was an 18 year difference in that relationship.
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PEC
Go for it.
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kristyann
No, I don't think it's creepy. 10 years is not that huge of an age difference. It all depends on the people. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me (I'm 22, he's 32). However, he is starting to be creepy for other reasons, nothing to do with his age (see my previous posts, ha). But the age thing in and of itself is not a big deal depending on the situation. Different things work for different people. I think my boyfriend kinda gets off on the fact that I'm younger than him. He's always calling me his "little girl," and he loves telling people how much younger I am and about our age difference. Again, I think our relationship is coming to a close, but not for that reason. Good luck... don't worry, you're not a creep for that.
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BlackSwan of Memphis
There is 16 years between me and my husband. I just don't think of him as being the age he is.
He's my husband.
He's my best friend.
He's the greatest guy I know.
He's a lot of other things, but that's between me and him if ya know what I mean
The "age" a person is, has more to do with their character and values then the actual number, imho.
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fifi40
Noontide there is only one thing to say GO FOR IT.
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kristyann
Oh one more thing... that is one thing my boyfriend always seems worried about. He's afraid that since I'm younger I'm going to leave him for someone younger when I wake up and realize I don't want an older man. Or he thinks that I still have to go through some wild, partying period while he's ready to settle down. It's not true, but it's a worry for him. I don't know if that's an issue for you or not.
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I Know what I like, and I like what I know
10 years is just a second if you can live forever! ;-)
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onlycurious
My husband is 10 years my senior and I wouldn't trade him in for someone closer to my age....or for anyone for that matter. I was 21 when we met and he is just as sexy today as he was then even though he is showing his age a bit faster than me these days....lol.
35? You have nothing to worry about! If the two of you enjoy each others company and have similar interests, why not?
I will share that 10 years is 1/2 a generation so there will most likely be SOME things that you will notice. ie - what you consider to be fun, clubbing vs. an evening at home, music tastes, etc.
Another factor that can come into play is whether or not one party has been married before. A married man at 35 will be much more mature than a man who has never been married and he's 35. That has been my humble observation. Throw a few kids into the pot and you really have a difference.
I'll never forget my dropping jaw when I found out hubby was 31 and had already been married.
I say GO FOR IT~!
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Bumble Bee
I don't really think the life experience theory always works. By a young age I had way more life experience than most my age or older. There was 17 years between my father and step mother, and they loved each other so much. (she had a good relationship with her father so it wasn't like that.) A family friend is remarried to a man 8 years her junior (she's in her late 50's).
Dating someone that you work with could be a more sticky situation. You have to be prepared to see that person every day (possibly) if you break up. Are you prepared for that?
All you can do is take the relationship to the next level and see how the two of you get along outside of work. Do you like doing the same things? What other things do you have in common outside of work?
Just take things slow, especially since you have sheltered yourself.
BB