I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time....and wish i could give you some advise.
Just try to stay calm, think about your resources, do you have any non-jw family or friends? Unfortunately most of us who were brought up in this cult are cut off from "the real world". I always had non-jw friends (undercover), and was as closer to their families and parents than my own, some of these relationships have lasted even till now.
Hang in there and let us know how you are doing, please. Keep your head up and remember that you are not alone, as you can see from this board there are a lot of people who have been thru the same or similar experiences