why did they not add me? (can't think of what else to call this thread)

by BlackSwan of Memphis 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  When I joined up with myspace I tried to add a person that I was friends with in highschool as a friend. It was never accepted.

  Recently I tried with someone else, and it wasn't accepted.

  On the other hand, there are 50 people who Have accepted and I enjoy reading their blogs and messaging with them.

  So why does it bug me that these 2 other people haven't accepted?

  Do they hate me? Did I offend them? Am I too bossy? Neurotic? Annoying? Am I a Janis? (as in Janis from Friends) Did I say something stupid? What did I do now?

  I thought that I was doing pretty good in getting over this little issue I have. This little issue of being a whiny needy person who dies a little when she finds out that <<GASP>> someone actually can't stand the sight of her or would prefer to pretend does not exist.

  When I click on an add a friend, I don't do it without thought. I click on an add because I genuinely would like to get to know that person better or have really enjoyed their friendship in the past.

  When it becomes painfully obvious that it's not returned, it annoys the hell out of me. And then it annoys the hell out of me that it annoys the hell out of me. I want to know WHY this person does not like me, if that's Even the issue at hand. It could be numerous things.

  Their dog died. Their paper is due and they haven't had time to consider it. They're on vacation. They don't remember me. They're too busy on Xanga to care about their myspace.

  The thing is I Know I'm not the only person like this. And its also very clear that the above applies in the following scenarios:

  Someone doesn't return a phone call.(are they on vacation?)

  Someone doesn't return an email.(did you type it in write?)

  Someone doesn't return a text message.(Did they get it?)

  The hot guy you gave your number to didn't call (yet?).

  The jw that shunned you, actually shunned you. (Are you SURE they saw you?)

  Aaargh. So I'm posting this mostly to see if anyone else is as neurotic as me.

  <<<crosses fingers>>>

  <<please post someone>>
• 

  Abandoned

  I'm as neurotic as you but luckily I'm also an egomaniac and the two kind of offset each other. So, when I get upset over someone blowing me off, I then think of what a shame it is that they are missing out on such an awesome person. Yeah, I go overboard in both directions, but it works for me....
• 

  Madame Quixote

  Black Swan -

  It might not be personal at all. My experience with MySpace has not been good due to the limitations of an old computer I was using when I signed up.

  I myself simply stopped using myspace because it jammed up the old computer and i kinda' forgot myspace existed. I think sometime I'll check it out, though, now that I have access to a better computer (my daughter's).

  Some people are probably just too busy to remember all the things they've signed up for online and/or they feel spammed by friend requests. I've had, over the years, about 10 different email accts because for a long time did not have computer, except at work and/or at school.

  The person may not own their own computer or may just not remember you or any # of possibilities. Maybe she does not want someone else with whom she shares it to know that she's in contact with you for some bizarre (jehovah's witnessy?) reason.

  Sorry you are feeling bad about this. Maybe you could try to contact the person in some other, more traditional way without insinuating yourself into her life? Good luck with it!
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  abandoned: Lmao, you always make me smile, ya know that! I like your view on this.

  Madame:

  My experience with MySpace has not been good due to the limitations of an old computer I was using when I signed up.

  Oh wow, this isn't something I thought of! (see what I mean now?)

  Some people are probably just too busy to remember all the things they've signed up for online and/or they feel spammed by friend requests. I've had, over the years, about 10 different email accts because for a long time did not have computer, except at work and/or at school.

  Thank you for this reminder. There is one woman who I am friends with here in MI, she's an exjw. And I can email her and not hear from her for like 3 months. But then I realize she has a completely new email addy. So this is a really, really good point that I'm glad you made.

  The person may not own their own computer or may just not remember you or any # of possibilities.

  This is what I wonder.

  Sorry you are feeling bad about this. Maybe you could try to contact the person in some other, more traditional way without insinuating yourself into her life? Good luck with it!

  Awwwww thank you!!! You're so sweet. One person I tried again and vowed to myself that if the person's choice is to not accept, then that's ok. I'm going to live. I'm really going to live through it, because not Everyone has to like me. I mean, how egotistical and spoiled is that? Much. The other person, yeah, I thought I would let a little time pass and see if I could call her and just say hi. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

  I think what gets on my nerves the most is that I even can let it bother me for longer then 3 seconds. Well, maybe 3 minutes is more practical.
• 

  Madame Quixote

  BTW, I regretfully inform you that I am pleased to hear that I am not the only one who suffers anxiety and disappointment over rejection and that I do tend to take being ignored personally.

  I am quite sure that my graphomanic opinionated, atheistic views frequently put people off.

  And that, of course, is because of my inferiority/superiority complexes and preoccupation with psychiatric over-analyzing (myself and other people) at the expense of the more commonly appreciated fluff of online warmth and silliness that can also bore one to tears in the same way that scientific anal y sis can . . . blah blah blah . . . Oh, well, I am me and my narcissitic self. Love me or hate me - I'll never get over it, either way, LOL.

  Abandoned said:

  "I'm as neurotic as you but luckily I'm also an egomaniac and the two kind of offset each other. So, when I get upset over someone blowing me off, I then think of what a shame it is that they are missing out on such an awesome person. Yeah, I go overboard in both directions, but it works for me.... " Wow! I guess I am balanced after all! heh heh
• 

  misanthropic

  BSOM don't worry about it, just blow it off. It could be a number of things and I doubt any of them have anything to do with you.
  You are one the most NON annoying people I can think of, so rule that out. But I can understand how it would bother you.
  I found a girl on MySpace too that I was friends with when I was a witness. I considered her my friend because we would do things together often and spent a lot of time hanging out. Back then she would start rumors about me and it would always get back to me. She had low self esteem and was very tall and overweight back then and often said things about people behind their back, so I guess I shouldn't have expected her to be different when it came to me. I found her myspace recently, she looked fantastic- had lost a lot of weight and looked really happy. It had been like 10 years since I had seen her and we were considered best frineds when we were 15 so I was pretty happy to see her and see her again. I sent her a message which I know she read, she was very short with me in her reply and didn't accept my add. I know she isn't a witness anymore due to "the rumor mill" so I know that wasn't the issue. It bothered me a little bit but then I realized that maybe she looks happy and everything but she's still the mean hurtful person she was back in the day when we used to be "friends" so I guess I'm glad she didn't accept my invite because I really don't need any friends like that. Your a sweetheart so I will tell you what my best friend always tells me when I get down about the way people are sometimes when they are rude like that, "There are 2 types of people, the ones that like you and the ones that are jealous of you". So don't worry about it- There are a ton of people that love you for who YOU are. And hey at least they didn't add you or respond to you and be fake because in reality they don't like you. I'd much rather if someone doesn't like me to know it than to have them be fake about it.
• 

  free2think

  Yes I am as neurotic at you. With therapy I'm working thru my issues.

  free2think
• 

  Sad emo

  Me? Neurotic? Not any more.

  I used to think people did things to deliberately annoy me - now I KNOW they do!

  Seriously though yes I am from time to time, I used to be really bad but now I try to set my reaction to the positive - like the possibilities you put in brackets. Then, if there was a good reason for something not to happen, I haven't misjudged anyone but if there wasn't a good reason (eg they're deliberately ignoring me), I find it's easier to let it go as opposed to stewing over it for days and weeks and digging myself into a deep pit of resentment. I'll just say, well it's their loss.
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  madame:

  BTW, I regretfully inform you that I am pleased to hear that I am not the only one who suffers anxiety and disappointment over rejection and that I do tend to take being ignored personally.

  <<does a happy dance around the room>>

  It is good to know I am not alone in this mad world!

  I am quite sure that my graphomanic opinionated, atheistic views frequently put people off.

  And that, of course, is because of my inferiority/superiority complexes and preoccupation with psychiatric over-analyzing (myself and other people) at the expense of the more commonly appreciated fluff of online warmth and silliness that can also bore one to tears in the same way that scientific anal y sis can . . . blah blah blah . . . Oh, well, I am me and my narcissitic self. Love me or hate me - I'll never get over it, either way, LOL.

  Omg, this made me laugh a little. One of the things I miss about my sisters, is that we would sit around and psycho analyze each other and ourselves and people in the family. It made for good conversation with tea and biscuits

  I like you. I think you're honest and you don't pretend to be something or someone else. Genuine.

  BSOM don't worry about it, just blow it off. It could be a number of things and I doubt any of them have anything to do with you.

  I found a girl on MySpace too that I was friends with when I was a witness. I considered her my friend because we would do things together often and spent a lot of time hanging out. Back then she would start rumors about me and it would always get back to me. She had low self esteem and was very tall and overweight back then and often said things about people behind their back, so I guess I shouldn't have expected her to be different when it came to me. I found her myspace recently, she looked fantastic- had lost a lot of weight and looked really happy. It had been like 10 years since I had seen her and we were considered best frineds when we were 15 so I was pretty happy to see her and see her again. I sent her a message which I know she read, she was very short with me in her reply and didn't accept my add. I know she isn't a witness anymore due to "the rumor mill" so I know that wasn't the issue. It bothered me a little bit but then I realized that maybe she looks happy and everything but she's still the mean hurtful person she was back in the day when we used to be "friends" so I guess I'm glad she didn't accept my invite because I really don't need any friends like that.

  This is very true. A point to really remember and one I'm really glad you brought up. It makes stop and wonder if I and this one girl would even be able to relate to one another. When I look at her page, in some ways she is the exact same girl she was in highschool. But I'm not. A lot has happened in my life and I don't know that we would be on the same page anyway.

  You are one the most NON annoying people I can think of, so rule that out.

  Your a sweetheart so I will tell you what my best friend always tells me when I get down about the way people are sometimes when they are rude like that, "There are 2 types of people, the ones that like you and the ones that are jealous of you". So don't worry about it- There are a ton of people that love you for who YOU are. And hey at least they didn't add you or respond to you and be fake because in reality they don't like you. I'd much rather if someone doesn't like me to know it than to have them be fake about it.

  Oh man, that was so stinkin' sweet!!!!!! And damn it made some good sense.

  (I'm seriously hiding my face right now, feeling like a huge nerd )(Thank you for the compliments, I didn't see these comin'. I thought this thread would totally die without a glance, lol)

  Yes I am as neurotic at you. With therapy I'm working thru my issues.

  <<another happy dance>>

  It's really good to know I'm not neurotic by myself!!
• 

  BlackSwan of Memphis

  Me? Neurotic? Not any more.

  This is a good thing.

  I used to think people did things to deliberately annoy me - now I KNOW they do!

  Now that's a line of reasoning I hadn't thought of, lol.

  Seriously though yes I am from time to time, I used to be really bad but now I try to set my reaction to the positive - like the possibilities you put in brackets. Then, if there was a good reason for something not to happen, I haven't misjudged anyone but if there wasn't a good reason (eg they're deliberately ignoring me), I find it's easier to let it go as opposed to stewing over it for days and weeks and digging myself into a deep pit of resentment. I'll just say, well it's their loss.

  See you have developed a line of reasoning on which I've been working on and I've gotten much better. (No really I have!!)

  That's why I can't believe this got to me. It's MySpace for cryin' out loud. I mean there are unbelievably worse things out there.

  I think you are right. (Like the others) When you let it go, it's soooooooo much better then stewing over it.)

  I have learned through a few of my close friends the value of not jumping to conclusions. One online friend I've not met face to face but we have been online friends for awhile and have exchanged snail mail and calls. I would freak if I didn't hear from them in a month or so. Now, it's normal. I get it that their world does not revolve around me and it shouldn't! But when I learned to do just as you described, life was way less complex and more loveable.

  I think somehow being a jw has something to do with this, maybe? Maybe it's paranoia or something?