That feeling that it could al be false how did you experience it?

by GBSJG 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  garybuss

  I had a fast physical exit and a slow and incremental mental exit. I was raised by very active Witness parents. I believed the Witness dogma as sure as I believed my parents were my parents. I just accepted it without thought or question. It was very difficult to see it fail itself on so many levels and I felt guilty for noticing.
  
  After I read Crisis of Conscience in 1992 and contacted other former Witnesses in early 1995, my exit turned into a recovery.
  
  Growing up and going to 5 meetings a week, I must have heard a thousand times that if you have any questions about Jehovah's Witnesses, to just ask any one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I soon found out that was doctrine and not practice. The LAST thing a Witness wants is a question about the Witnesses. And they certainly don't want any questions about their own practices in Malawi, or the Jimmy Swaggert Friend Of The Court brief filed on his behalf, or questions about the blood fractions or the United Nations.
  
  
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  Satanus

  When the realisation that it was false settled on me, i felt nausous. Then, after a while, i felt elated because of all that weight removed from my shoulders. The elation lasted for a couple of months.

  S
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  becca1

  You said a "mix of freedom and anxiety". Absolutly right. LIke all the pieces of a puzzle coming together and forming an unexpected picture. Sort of an "Ahh" moment with "Uh Oh" overtones.
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  LongHairGal

  I know it occurred to me a couple of times that it could be wrong but I quickly dismissed these thoughts and deceived myself by thinking that Jehovah would straighten it out. This was a common saying when referring to "wrong" things or "injustices" etc. "Jehovah will sort it out". I also never entirely swallowed everything, such as when they said that modern day occurrences in connection with their activity were fulfillment of bible prophecy. I felt this was speculation and presumptuousness.

  LHG
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  Frannie Banannie

  When I made my exit via forcing the GB to order my execution disfellowshipping in '92, I knew their behavior was wrong, but still believed much of what they'd taught, even though I believed them to be hypocrites of their teachings. It wasn't until I came online in 99 and then found out about their UN/NGO association that I knew and was not surprised that there was much more that was wrong about them. Online forums like this one were my "info gurus" and I finally was able to begin healing. How did I react to learning all this? Initially with a great deal of anger and hostility towards all jdubyas and jdubya-isms. I gradually got over that and the long-time fears implanted.

  Frannie
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  mcsemike

  To GBSJG: I slowly stopped going to the meetings. After a few years of research, I quit in my heart within a few months. I was disgusted and angry. I think that is a fairly common reaction. I realized what a waste all that time and energy was. It cost me my family, health, money, career, not having more kids, and other things.

  To HockeyMullet: The elders you dealt with sucked. They are swine for telling you that you were "on your own" like they knew that or not. How could God abandon you because you were DF'd when God has NEVER been with the group doing the DF'ing?? What heartless pigs. You are correct, it's better that they didn't "help". Their moronic policies would have hurt your family for sure.
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  jam

  my experience, i went too far in researching the bible. After researching the history of the jw I begain looking into history of religions, then world history and etc. Like many of us on this site we have abandon belief in the bible. In my journey I became a member of my old church, BECAME VERY ACTIVE. In fact I sang in the men group, study with new members . I became a Freemason move up in the ranks and at this point in my life I begain to realize that every organization have thier own truth ,why are we here. The problem with not believing in bible , NO HOPE. That is not a good feeling to realize that this is it. No coming back, we are here just a short time.But what has made it acceptable is that many has gone before me, we all have too go at some time. My son said something to me the other day. He said Dad you live in us , your kids. Your genes lives in us your grand kids thier kids and so on. So when you begain to serach the truth be careful that you do not go too far.
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  truthsetsonefree

  It actually came periodically for many years, but I would supress it. I don't recall when I just submitted to it, but it was probably when I read Crisi of Conscience and was contemplating reading In Search of Christian freedom. I almost needed to succumb to that feeling in order to feel comfortable picking up the book. By the time I was done with that book I was convinced that this was not "the truth."

  tsof
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  SPAZnik

  I distinctly recall the first time I ever had a thought that "it could all be false".
  
  I was sitting at a meeting, diligently looking up the scriptures along with the speaker, and upon reading Revelation 18:1-4 (get out of her my people!) and the JW interpretation (this means get out of every religion but ours), it suddenly struck me how incredibly biased the interpretation was and that that's not what the scripture seemed, to me, to be stating. "What if they're wrong", I thought. Then we're sitting here all arrogant and holier than thou-like thinking this religion is some sort of exception when the scripture clearly stated, "Get Out". I thought of another scripture that said not to be adding or taking away.
  
  I was somewhat surprised by these thoughts. I let them in, momentarily and it felt surreal which is, I guess why I remember it so well. I realized how heavily I was depending on the governing body interpretations. Questions like "how do I KNOW that's what Babylon the Great refers to?" "If this teaching is true, how do I KNOW this religion is any dif than the rest of 'Babylon the Great'?" "Because we call it a "hall" instead of a "church"?" "Because we happen to have a particular customized version of traditions, rituals, customs teachings, somehow ALL other religions are invalidated?" "Who are WE to negate every other religion?" "Reminds me of Jesus' disciples fighting over who among them was the greatest." "How LUCKY, err fortunate, for me I was born into THIS one, since it's the TRUE one. LOL." "So, because we call it a "KINGDOM HALL" and not a "CHURCH", we're somehow superior to every other person and organization on the planet and we'll be safe?" "As though some name change and a few rules and habit changes is gonna fool God?" "That doesn't make sense." I suddenly saw the pervasive attitude of JW's toward other religions as quite judgemental.
  
  In those few moments I caught a very brief glimpse of how little I really knew about what the governing body does except what I'm told they do. I saw that I was relying more on the Watchtower than the Bible. I saw that this 'could be' "blind faith". I suddenly saw this as not really that different from how I had perceived "false religion".
  
  This must have been too much for my mind right then, (all of these thoughts/questions/concepts/pictures occurred within just a few moments), because I quickly reverted back to my conditioned mode, the next question I asked was "are these apostate thoughts?" "is this how apostates think?"...
  I don't recall anything after that except going back to the study at hand (and staying in for a couple years).
  
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  The next time I seriously questioned a JW teaching, was when a neighbor and I started talking religion ( I think I had called on him in service actually ). He surprised me by stating he believed his religion was wrong about the name Jehovah and that he believed it should incorporate the name Jehovah in. I listened.
  
  He explained he chose that religion over the JWs because of the teaching of the SABBATH. He was patient, reasonable and unthreatened by me. I was riveted by this conversation. I gave the standard "old law being done away with Jesus, since then new law". He maintained, without any hint of arrogance, that his study of the scriptures indicated otherwise about the Sabbath and may have suggested why some old law and not all old law (ie blood). I thought if mine is the true religion I believe it to be, it can certainly hold up to a more thorough examination of what he is suggesting.
  
  I accepted a little pamphlet about the Sabbath and took it upstairs to my place. I thought, "what if he's right, what if I've been ignoring something important about the Sabbath, pissing God off this whole time because I've never looked into it myself." I wondered about letting "apostate" literature into my house (as basically every non JW publication was viewed as apostate). I wanted to know. There had been other times I'd THOUGHT of verifying something the JW say, such as the references in the "Creation" book, and somehow I never got around to it. I thought this would be as good a subject as any to verify my belief in the JWs. I was actually pretty arrogant and naive about this. I believed my investigation would convince me that the JW way was CLEARLY "right" and my neighbor's religion "wrong". But I decided to really look into it.
  
  I started reading and spent an entire day and a half engrossed in everything I could find from the JW literature on the subject and especially focussing on the Concordance and every scriptural reference there is on the subject. (For the record, there are a LOT of scriptural references to it, in both the old AND new testament, which said something in itself). I went up and down emotionally in that day and a half, as I rallied back and forth between the logic and rationale, the debate essentially, between both of these religious viewpoints.
  
  Ultimately, I was surprised to discover that, based on intense prayerful and scriptural scrutiny, this man's religious beliefs seemed just as plausible to me as the JW teaching. And on a subject given no small amount of focus in the Bible. I was suddenly aware that I didn't understand why the JW's would put forth their belief as though it is CLEARLY the OBVIOUS answer, when another interpretation was completely rationale/plausible. (I now see that this would have impeded the self-promotion of this religion if it couldn't be done on Saturdays haha).
  
  I think the exercise taught me something completely unrelated to the Sabbath. It made me look sideways at the fact that some principles rarely even mentioned in the scriptures were made into a really big deal by the JW belief system when a concept given as much scriptural reference/attention/weight as the Sabbath was hardly ever brought up. Never mind even just RESTING in general with the rat-race JW lifestyle. I also looked at the arguments made by each side and wondered why the answer wasn't clear and obvious. Why wouldn't God make it simple and clear for someone sincerely and prayerfully searching for answers? the Bible was so complex and easily misinterpreted, argued about amongst religions and people.
  
  In my mind at the time, I didn't find enough irrefutable cause to leave the JWs over this, but this experience served to tame my religious arrogance/naivete somewhat, if only subconciously. It reminded me that there were a lot of things I had never questioned.
  
  I dove back into my "JW life" and about 8 months later, burnt out.
  Ironically, enough. :)
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  Wow I really got into this one. Musta needed to talk about my journey. Thanks for the askin'.
• 

  proplog2

  It was 1973. I was reading a book about psychology by Fritz Perls.

  One of his experiements required that you chew everything you eat to a super fine mush before swallowing it.

  After a week you are supposed to see if your analytical sense improved.

  The idea is that one's approach to information is the same as one's approach to eating. Most people just swallow things whole. They don't chew their food into little pieces.

  So after a week - out of the clear blue - I suddenly experienced very strong doubts about the end coming in 1975. I repressed those doubts because it was too frightening to think that the Watchtower could be wrong.

  That's how I experienced it. So tell your relatives to chew their food. Maybe they'll get the same flash of insight.