I like that, proplog. heehee
That feeling that it could al be false how did you experience it?
by GBSJG 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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DJK
Somewhere between one of the many lashes, I felt if there were a god, he wouldn't allow this.
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PaulJ
I was sat at work at my desk, reading this site.
Like waking up with the sun in your eyes and having a rug pulled from under your feet at the same time. Fantastic!
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rose petal
Hi, don't remember a great weight lifting or anything. I just remember thinking of all the magazine articles of people changing when receiving "the truth". My ex was a manipulative aand controlling abuser and I kept waiting for him to suddenly become a nicer human being. I did suddenly realise that he would never change because there was no incentive for him to change. So therefore the 'truth' didn't work. I did have meetings with the elders about his abuse, and he ended up getting df'd because he threatened them, not because of anything he did to me. I was expected to put up with it.
After that I just did a slow fade. He would go back every now and then. When we separated he went back because there was a ready made support system. They felt sorry for him, he got df'd about three more times though!
rose petal
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penny2
The first time. It was 1978. I was on holidays and came across some really old publications. I couldn't believe what I was reading - it sounded like complete rubbish. I remember my heart beating fast.
It was another 17 years before I finally realised that it was all a load of baloney. By then it was just relief. I wasn't a bad person.
penny2
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Deleted
Great question.
For me I was sitting in a therapist's office. The thereapist asked me if the Watchtower Society was a control-oriented religion. No! I said. Then does that mean you can chose to do and say what you like? he asked. Well, ... no, I replied. Then it's a control-oriented religion! he exclaimed. Well, I said, it's for our own good. Well, he said, Evil begins when a religion tries to control its members' everyday lives. And from that point on I knew there was no return.
Glen
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exwitless
My hubby and I had been fairly inactive for a couple of years. As for me, I always felt guilty about missing the meetings. Each and every meeting that came around, I felt guilty inside. Not enough to go though, I guess. Then I felt guilty for not feeling guilty enough to want to go to the meetings!
I became inactive because I was so physically and emotionally exhausted. I felt like I could never do "good enough". The first year or so that we attended meetings, I found them pretty interesting. After that, they became so repetitive and boring. I hated going out in service. Of course, I felt guilty for finding the meetings boring and hating field service. So eventually, I sorta gave up and kept thinking someday I switch would turn on in my head and suddenly I would want to go to the meetings and out in service; never happened.
Then, about one year ago (almost exactly), my husband and I were both at home one morning while our son was at school. We were casually sipping our coffee and somehow the subject of our "inactive" state came up. It evolved into a 4 hour long discussion about our true feelings about being a JW. Turns out, Little Drummer Boy had, in a way, DA'd himself emotionally a couple of years back; he knew the dubs didn't have the truth, so in his own mind he cut himself off from the guilt feelings, etc.
We began discussing what the JWs took away from us when we joined: holidays, our love for music, hobbies, friends, on and on. We started feeling more resentful as we were talking. Before you know it, I brought up that I heard that some ex-GB member wrote a book about leaving the dubs (Crisis of Conscience). LDB said for me to get a copy of that book.
When I read COC, I felt sick inside. To think we were mislead for 14 years by these men who make up arbitrary rules for the "rank and file", when we were so sure at first that we had found the truth. I was sorta depressed for several days. However, we had decided that we would plan out DA'ing ourselves within about 9 months. We even arranged an Easter egg hunt at my mom's last year for our son, because he was 8 and would soon be "too old" for that. It was kinda creepy, going out and buying Easter egg stuff when no one else had any clue we were planning to DA.
When we finally DA'd in Sept. 2006, I felt anxious for the first week or 2, because I was just sure the elders would be calling and knocking on the door to plead with us not to leave. Ha! We've never heard one word from them since DA'ing.
I immediately felt a sense of relief, freedom, and hope for my future. It was an indescribable feeling, to not feel judgemental towards others, to be able to be normal and not have to evade the "are you ready for Christmas" questions, etc.
We celebrated our 1st Christmas this past December and my son's 1st (9th) birthday in January. DA'ing was a painful process emotionally, but it's the best thing we have done for ourselves, without a doubt.
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lonelysheep
But I can remember the moment when I first allowed the thought in my mind that it could all be false and not the truth. That moment was really really strange. It was a mix of pure freedom and anxiety, thinking about all the people that are misled and how could it be possible that I was misled?
Oh yes! For a few days, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Then the feeling was released, and I began accepting what happened to me and why I'd been the person I'd been over those years. A lot of realizations and healing took place.