JW's ruin your sex life?

NYerGirl

Hello All

After a year or so of being a "lurker" (since I know some of you despise that word, say, instead, window shopper?), I finally signed up. For the last week or so, I've come to the sight every day and I've learned a lot and also remembered more than maybe I wanted to.

So here's my issue: I've been married for 1 1/2 years, together with this man for 5+ years. When I first met him, I was just leaving the religion and experiencing my newfound sexual freedom, so I was up for anything. As we settled down, though, I fell back into some of the old thinking. Specifically, oral sex. Anytime my husband tries to talk dirty to me, I automatically freeze up and wish he would just STOP. I only want oral sex when I'm drunk. Other times, I can't bring myself to enjoy it.

I know that this has a lot to do with my upbringing. I was raised in the "truth", became a pioneer at 17. Publicly reproved at 19 and married the guy. Divorced without elders' approval and eventually faded out. As far as I know, I haven't been DF'd and I haven't DA'd, but I still get shunned by the JW's (I live down the block from the Kingdom Hall where I grew up--sucks, right?).

I've been in therapy for 8 months, now and I don't feel like I've made too much progress. Moving away from the Kingdom Hall is not an option, so I still see the Witnesses I grew up with at least 2-4 times a week. Does anyone have advice? How do I get over them so that I can discover my own life, my sex life away from them? I'm only 26 years old!

JWdaughter

Maybe you just don't like oral sex! Maybe talking dirty is not your thing. It isn't everyones and neither one is a sign of sexual health or the lack of it an indicator of having a sick and sad prudish mind. I am 40, and I know one thing-NO ONE is the same sexually, and you cannot base your life on a cosmo article or sex and the city. We all have our own preferences. Thats ok! And if your lover wants oral, and you don't mind being drunk occasionally, then I guess that isn't a problem unless it IS a problem-to you. And if you don't like dirty talk, find words that are more romantic to you (or whatever works for you) that your partner can use. Its a two way street, and your direction is as valid as anyone elses!

Welcome to the board!!!

sspo

Welcome to the forum.

Oral sex?

Not everyone is doing it, not everyone likes it and not everyone is going to like giving it.

It's between mates and both should show respect and consideration for one another.

Maybe you are one that just does not like it and there is nothing wrong with you.

frogit

Hi and welcome NYergirl

I'm male so have a different slant to sex then maybe you do, I was still a Virgin at 29 when I got Married to a Pioneer, I had been goody two shoes all my life and never went too far with a girlfriend. I had many female admirers, but I was a good clean Brother.

I am now divorced and feel my early years where wasted on this Religion, It's just a myth! My sex life was basic, and boring because of the JW rules on sex keeping the marriage bed clean, we did experiment with Oral (she spat) feeling unclean after, you know that guilt type stomach feeling? We even tried anal, I couldn't cope with that either, I felt like a pervert for even desiring that, we divorced.

Friends said women enjoy sex as much as men do, I found that hard to accept at first until I met my new love, she had no hangups, and loves sex everything. She can't leave me alone, and gets so frustrated with me for not always having the energy to perform (when I'm tied) she will try and eat me!

Maybe you don't desire you lover (husband) that much, and that is maybe part of your problem, or maybe you just don't do Oral, we all have different tastes (pun not intended) and desire sexual fulfillment is a personnel thing we are not all the same. Remember that no god is watching you having sex, It's just the two of you, so why worry, as long as both of you are happy to do this or that, why have hangups?

I'm worried that you have spent 8 months in therapy and have made no progress, is this the right therapy for you? It seems to me it's not working. Do you still believe in god, because you really need to examine the facts: on life, creation, evolution, science? I read the book the “Naked Ape” by Desmond Morris, this helped me understand human behavior why we do what we do, it has a really good chapter on Sex, read this book it will open you mind, have a look at REBT http://www.rebt.org/ remember all we are are “Pain Avoiding Pleasure Seeking Animals”

hope this helps you with your life, and it is, Yours to enjoy fully...

frogit

proplog2

It looks like this will hit 1,000 views pretty quick.

DannyHaszard

JW's ruin your sex life?

My repressed sex life in the Jehovah's Witnesses True story,I couldn't have made this up

Clam

Hi there NYerGirl and welcome to the forum after all that time as a lurker.

Your sex life aside I'd say you'd be well advised to move. Having the Hall up the road and seeing all those old Dub ghosts can't be at all good for your psyche. I'm not saying that getting them out of site gets them out of mind, but I don't think it's healthy having them on your doorstep. I've no doubt you and your therapist have discussed this, but surely a clean break must be a good option?

Take care,

Clam

winnie

They can only ruin it if you let them into your bedroom.

And I don't believe that they should be there in the first place.

Sex is private between consenting adults and no outsiders have the right, religious or not, to interfere with that.

Crumpet

On the contrary I think they inspired it.

I kind of agree with JWdaughter - maybe those things are simply not your bag. Not everyone enjoys them! And that is perfectly normal.

(For the record in case anyone erm wants to know, well I do...)

jeanV

the answer to your question is yes, my sex life was influenced and in part ruined by jw's.

with regard to you, as other posters said, sex life is yours and of your partner, do not let anybody else interfere with it. it may be that you do not like some sexual practices because you really do not like them (and not because they are discouraged by JW). things can change. sex gets better with experience ;) also do not worry about watching some arousing movies (no hardcore porn, that is not sex ;) )

sex is not only physical, it starts in the mind.

JW's ruin your sex life?

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