JW's ruin your sex life? (page 2)

DJK

All good comments ahead of mine. Not stated enough, your feelings towards certain acts ARE NORMAL and even though they match the JW practices doesn't mean you aquired them from the JWs. I have been married three times to women who were never associated with the JWs and there feelings are the same. You must have said "I am not in the mood tonight" more than once in your marriage, and if you have power to say that, then you have the power to tell your husband what you define as the difference between sex and love making. Acceptable and not acceptable. A good marriage is based on many thing's, respect and communication are two good ones. I had always inspired conversations on sexual issues because I never wanted a woman to feel compelled to do something that may make her feel degraded.

As for the JWs that you see. I have never allowed a JW to shun me. I approach them and start a conversation. They will talk to you and do you know why? They are always looking for a door to open so they can preach. I keep the conversation to 10 minutes or less, never giving them the opportunity. It feels very very good.

Xena

IMO the key is just to let go of your guilt. So you don't want to talk dirty...don't feel bad about it cause it's how you feel and that is a valid feeling. You don't want to have oral, don't feel guilty about it because it's how you feel and you are entitled to feel that way. Once you let go of the guilt you can figure out why you might not like those things. Is it because you were taught they were bad or are they just not your bag? Be open with your partner about how you are feeling and get their imput on how to deal with it and other things you might try that you both might enjoy....the possibilities are intriguing and endless.

fokyc

Be open with your partner about how you are feeling and get their input

Surely that's what its all about?

Sorry but I couldn't resist that; don't let them get into YOUR sex life, what you enjoy is your business with your husband/partner.

They tried messing my life up and are still trying.

Crumpet: I like your new Avatar, it's a bit small, but my magnifying glass worked wonders on it!!!

fokyc

PS welcome to the forum.

bigwilly

Aside from a lack of decent sex ed, I don't think it did any long term damage to my sex life. If anything, having to learn what I wanted to know from adult mags and movies expanded my sexual horizons early. There isn't much I haven't tried or wouldn't be willing to try. As far as oral? Love it! More into the giving than recieving end, but that's my thing.

I agree with what the others have said. If you don't like it (I've had partners that didn't) it's not a fault, it's a matter of preference. There are plenty of other things two people can do to please each other without it. If you're hubby is a decent and caring man he will be open to discussion and won't force the issue. Or he'll get you drunk more often

anewme

NYerGirl, maybe you and your husband are having the conversation "When we first hooked up you wanted it!" "Yeah, but I was always drunk!" "Oh, you are saying, now that I am sober I dont want to lick you"?
"Yeah, something like that. I just dont feel like doing that stuff anymore." "Are you saying you dont love me anymore?" "No! Im just saying that now that I am sober I feel differently about alot of things, about sex too."

NYerGirl, it is very common for girls with alcohol problems to become very promiscuous. And after they detox they calm way down and find that their wild and crazy behavior was not nymphomania at all, but just the booze (much to the dissappointment of their boyfriends or new husbands)

DJK

I only want oral sex when I'm drunk.

I'm starting to wonder if you have enjoyed more than one "O" in a session. If not, try it. Like bigwilly, I enjoy giving. I shoot for three "Os" and two is norm. I, and maybe a lot of men, need the variety to succeed at it. I still have trouble understanding why there is a difference in the JW teachings from my Kingdom Hall to others. It was rare to discuss sexual activities in an open meeting and when they did, all they had to say was, it wasn't proper to perform oral on a menstrating woman. Long before the invention of Saran wrap and womans lib when it was announced that it was the best time for a woman.

Cindi_67

NYergirl:

With all due respect to everyone else in the forum, I don't think your problem is that you don't like those things. I used to think like you. Whenever my husband proposed something to me, I immediately thought about whether or not I was doing the right think because of my upbringing as a JW. I still wanted it because I was curious as to how it will feel, but I found myself not wanting to do it because of my teachings. My marriage almost felt apart because of it. Today I don't care. I have been married for 19 years now and I enjoy my husband whichever way I want and we experiment with other things. If we find we personally dont' like it, then we don't do it. But it has to be a matter of personal decision.

You have been married only 1½ years. Enjoy each other and above all communicate. Don't let your marriage become a rutine. Do different things together, change the climate in your bedroom. Roleplay, and have a good time. Some things require good hygiene and make sure that is the case with you especially and your husband, otherwise you won't enjoy sex at all.

I don't think God will judge us for things that do not reflect how we feel about him or how spiritual we are. Times have changed, and even though that is not excuse to go out and fornicate and do whatever we want with whomever we meet, sex is not a tabu subject anymore. It is out in the open and I think it is very healthy do speak about it. We humans are very sexual, and God created us with a very strong desire to share ourselves with the opposite sex. He didn't write a set of rules as to who had to be on top, which parts to touch and with what, and so on. Don't feel guilty and most of all don't let others make you feel guilty either. Only God knows how many things they are into as well, they just suppress those feelings. Besides you don't have to tell everybody how you conduct yourself in your intimacy.

I hope this helps.

ex-nj-jw

NYergrl,

don't get too caught up in the I don't likes, or "that's dirty". Experiement with your spouse, the most important thing I think is to be open with your partner about your feelings. Don't be afraid to try new things if only once.

Get a book on positions and try new positions as opposed to "oral", maybe just need some new positioning.

nj

quixote

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Here you can ask any question such as the one you have and get 100 different answers.

Today I had a chinese fortune cookie and I would like to share it's wise advise.."To find ourselves, we must first lose ourselves."

Let yourself go of all the old thinking and what we were taught to be right or wrong. How do you feel about it now ? If you are not comfortable with it, let your partner know. Perhaps you can work something out between the two of you that will satisfy you both.

Quixote

Cindi_67

Today I had a chinese fortune cookie and I would like to share it's wise advise.."To find ourselves, we must first lose ourselves."

I'll try to remember that, it is very true. I think chinese wisdom is one of the closest to real life and real freedom without over doing it. They have a lot of information and a lot of soul searching wisdom worthy of trying. Some of their teachings are weird, but they have some truth to them.

JW's ruin your sex life?

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