My boyfriend is a JW and we want to get married but I want him to get OUT (page 2)

Abandoned

Honey, there's exceptions to every rule, but generally bumblebees don't make good lollypops -- get out before you get stung.

johnjaspers

I know kids have been mentioned a few times, but here are some other things to consider:

No more holidays for you or any future children. No Christmas morning. No Birthdays cakes. No Easter egg hunting. And it will affect the kids in school. No participation in school holiday events. No sports. No school dances. No first date. No friends in school. Discouragement of higher education.

No blood transfusion if they need it to survive. None for you if you can't speak for yourself.

And you? No dinner with your parents and in-laws together (not without extreme discomfort). Be prepared to sacrifice your relationships with parents, siblings, and friends. Don't plan on getting married in a church or having any real say in the proceedings.

And marriage to a JW is NOT easy to get out of. They do not divorce easily, and the Watchtower Organization provides free legal advice and aid in helping their members to obtain full custody of any children, if you do manage to divorce.

I know that you love this person. You would not be considering marriage if you did not. And he must certainly love you. He risks much just by entertaining a relationship with an unbeliever. But when you marry a full fledged JW, you do not just marry that person. You marry the organization and Kingdom Hall they are part of. That is their family. Their "brothers and sisters".

Proceed with caution...

bigmouth

blueday, I have to disagree with minister amos-"Your marriage will have the same chance as a Russian Roulette player that loads all six chambers."

I think only 5 chambers will be loaded.

But the fact he's dating you, a non JW, indicates he may not be too far gone.

I'm worried it could end very badly for you.

DJK

but I want him to get OUT

You have made an important decision. Stick to it. If you can waiver on this, think about the possibily of him waivering on the ground rules you make before you marry. The JWs are a controlling group who certainly have no respect or interest in you.

greendawn

Yeah it wouldn't be a good idea given the very negative opinion the JWs have about all non JWs and especially the Catholic Church which to them is at the very centre of Babylon the Great. In addition they are a very programmed people and live under a dictatorial spiritual regime.

AK - Jeff

Welcome Blueday

Don't marry him and expect him to change after - it just won't happen likely, and you will be playing second fiddle to the cult.
If he believed he has the absolute 'truth' - and all Jw's do - tell him you will not even consider the relationship salvagable unless he allows himself to fully examine it. Give him Crisis of Conscience, Gentile Times Reconsidered, and In Search of Christian Freedom. Tell him to call you when he has read them, and is willing to discuss them maturely, and not until.
Discuss all the prophetic shortfalls and lies, manipulations, doctrinal misteps, directly and head on.
If he still insists it is the 'truth' - then run - he is so immersed in mind-control that you can't help him at this point.

While he is reading you need to read the same - and also the book entitled - 'Approaching Jehovah's Witnesses in Love' by Wilber Lingle, so that if and when the discussions begin you will aid him to get out - not just argue.

My suggestion is that you also read Steve Hassan's book ' Combatting Cult Mind Control' so that you can understand the depth of Jw indoctrination.

BTW - welcome to the forum. If you look around, you will find that some of spent 40, 50 or more years in the organization before we got the message. Families are torn apart by this religion. People die due to foolish doctrine regarding medical proceedures. If you want a normal marriage with him - you, the one whose mind is not controlled - must take strong action. If you do the work - he will thank you with all his heart for a long time. If you don't - better get on with life without him. I recommend a ton of work here - yet if you love the guy, you both deserve to get him out and not just based on mutual love - base it on something that will let him live his life without the guilt that those who leave believing it is the 'truth' carry with them.

47 years ago, I wish my father had done so with my mother [they were already married and I was 5, but the principles apply]. I ended up serving a printing firm called the Watchtower for 4 decades because no one investigated and tried to keep my mom from joining.

Good luck to you -

Jeff

Lumptard

The important thing is that he decides for himself what he will do...Stay a JW or not...The fact that he is dating a catholic is an indication that he doesn't put as much stock in the religion that he is supposed to. But if he decides to stay a witness, I wouldn't marry him unless you and he have an understanding that you will not force your beleifs on one another. That prolly won't work because you seem to want him out. Expressing this to him will more likely than not push him back in because this is what the society tells him to expect from worldly people.

Basically, let him decide first...and then address the issue of whether or not to be married. If he stays with it, the marriage will have significant friction that most people find too dificult to live with. In this case, I'd advise against it.

Quick question, though....If you don't want your BF to be a JW, then why did you start dating him?

DJK

I sorry I didn't notice you were new to the board. Welcome Blueday.

Cordelia

welcome

I just wondered everyone seems to be assuming that he wants to continue being a witness but if he is willing to marry you is he willing to stop going,

he doesnt have to maybe you can make it work, yes of course you'd be better off without a guy leaving you every tues thurs and sundays but if you love him maybe you can put up with that.

I nearly did the same thing i thought our love would conquer anything I was the witness and he wasnt and in my mind i thought i'd go sometimes keep the family slightly happy. marry him so i didnt get dfed and things would be ok.

i didnt do it i got dfed and acted like an idiot coz of the pressure and we spilt up now!!

but i think you just need to talk to him properly find out what he is planning to do. maybe he doesnt believe it anymore and wants a life with you just doing the minium that is needed so he doesnt get dfed

basically talk to him and then make your decision

you can email me on [email protected] if you want x

sass_my_frass

It's my opinion that in a marriage, the most important thing to both partners ought to be the their marriage. If he remains a JW, it will be way down the list, as will you, and any children you have. Is that what you want from a marriage?

My boyfriend is a JW and we want to get married but I want him to get OUT

Share this