Welcome to the forum. But as granny on board -I will speak right from my heart. I knew many young JW men who dated Catholic girls & bragged about the fact they were going to make them JWs - My suggestion is DONT MARRY- If your having sex he is a disfellowshipping target. That alone will get him D/f let another JW know!!!! That will, get him D/f.... I have a man attends my group of Ex JWS. who met a JW-woman --she had moved to another state because she had sex with another fellow ---got pregnant Moved so she would not be disfellowhipped. She admitted it to my friend( named TOM) well he fell for her" hook line and sinker "& she for him. When the baby was 3 months old ( that is when he met her ) she said she would not go back to the JW religion...He knew it was a cult... They married came back to where she had previously lived & pretended she had married Tom before the baby was born.... Now she went back into the religion, taking the boy he adopted (hers)& HIS son ....they had together....His life is hell. So my friend...You have been warned ..Yours will believe that YOU MUST obey HIM.... If you have kids HE will make them JWS.... that is child abuse I KNOW I did it to mine.... Because I thought it was Jehovahs desires.... He will explain to you very easily why you should not be Catholic. Many Catholics turned JW after they got involved with a JW..... Sorry its long...
My boyfriend is a JW and we want to get married but I want him to get OUT
by blueday 36 Replies latest jw friends
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uwishufish
Get a good prenup!
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blueday
Hello everybody, thank you for your input. It is great to know that there are so many people out there that can understand what I am talking about.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 Years!! and when I met him he was DF he just got back to the jw's in Nobember of last year because his only sister who is a JW was getting married and it was very important for him to be there. My boyfriend has told me in confidence that sometimes he wishes he was never baptized with the JW's, then he starts regreting his own feelings and his words and begins asking God for forgiveness.... He is so tortured by his emotions and his inner thoughts. But he changes his mind, one day he feels that his heart is not with the jw's and another day he wants to be a strict witness and wants to follow all the rules.... I love him with all my heart but things seem to be getting more tangled up now that he is back. Whenever he gets into his i'm in the truth trips he starts throwing the submissive wife term alot at me and that scares me....but then he tells me that he loves me so much that he knows that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. He also tells me that I am a good woman and that I have a good heart and that I am too good to him eventhough he is so screwed up.
P.S we still celebrate my birthday and his birthday together just me and him but we celebrate!! So I don't know what to think ??? Does this sound like other JW's out there?
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Satanus
His suffering is self inflicted. He is like an alchaholic or crack user. The religion is the drug. Those addicts will, at times, just dissappear from the relationship, abandon you. They will sacrifice important things to get their substance.
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Abandoned
Seven years is a long time and there are worse things than being married to a jw, but you should know what you are getting into up front. The religion gives lip service to loving one's wife, but the actions speak louder than words and those actions are that the woman has to listen to the man...period. Now if he flows in and out of these jw moments, then maybe it's something you can deal with, but that isn't going away as long as he's associated.
The sad part is that when a jw is in that "seeking forgiveness from god" phase, they really believe that they are doing what's right and are finally pleasing him. The problem is that the jw cult uses that desire to please as a tool and so no matter what your husband does, it's never going to be enough. This usually leads to denial, depression, or both. It also sometimes leads to the person doing some investigating and realizing that the jw is a cult and thus their escape as well, so there's always hope.
Good luck.
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jgnat
The book AK-Jeff mentioned, "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan, should clear things up for you. You do indeed have a man with two personalities. One is the loyal Witness (submit, woman!), and the other is the natural person you fell in love with. With his new involvement with the Witnesses, the JW personality is becoming ever more prominent, and the natural personality sublimated.
It will help you a lot in understanding and responding to him to know which personality you are talking to. If you read a few of the current Watchtowers, you will start to recognize the cadence and language of the Witness. They all sound alike.
Your natural lover, on the other hand, is unique, and will talk about his loves and his interests.
With observation, you may even notice changes in facial expression and carriage, as clues as to which man you are talking to. The trick is not to threaten the cult personality directly, and to engage the natural personality as often as possible. You can do this by changing subjects. Talk about his interests and his hobbies. Ask him how he thinks YOU might feel about some issues.
Some trigger-topics that can bring the cult personality to the fore include - news channels, mortality, morality, and religious topics.
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mouthy
I dont understand this at all. If you have been together 7 years ? I am sure sex has been in the picture- ( fogive me for judging)so he is breaking the WT laws. NO SEX!!! until marriage.You say they reinstated him so he could go to his sisters wedding???????????Do they know about YOU!!!
My suggestion is .....find another love or I can promise you unless he leaves the WT life will be a strain.
jgnat >>>I dont know how you do it. But did you give up having kids for your man do you regret the dicission????? -
unique1
Perhaps on a "I don't want to be a witness" day, you could show him some of the things learned here that I am sure he has no knowledge of unless you guys are like 60.
http://www.bible.ca/Jw-Prophecy.htm
http://www.reexamine.org/quotes/vaccination.htm
http://www.randytv.com/secret/unitednations.htm
Just wait until one of those attitudes occurs and say something like "Honey, in an effort to understand your religion more and to be able to better assist you in your struggle I did some research on the Witnesses and honestly I don't like some of the things I found." And leave it open for his reply then show him the articles. They are all real quotes, it would be up to him to disprove them.
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jgnat
Mouthy, sweetheart, I adore you.
jgnat >>>I dont know how you do it. But did you give up having kids for your man do you regret the dicission?????
I'm a grandmama just like you, and I'm fixed. I am now enjoying the mini-holidays of menopause, flashing to hawaii and back to the arctic several times a day. My JW husband is the love in my old age, a folly, a fling, a bit of fantasmical fun. No more children for us! But my days are filled with the laughter of my beloved granddaughter who lives right next door, who plans my gardens and helps bake my cookies.
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mouthy
jgnat...Sorry..I goofed AGAIN!!! I thought I remembered your hubby was a JW Guess my menory is worse than I thought. So glad your a Granma. & loving it. I look at your profile & figure you a young one But your young at heart sorry love