Reflections on my path to fading (page 2)

outoftheorg?

I experienced what you are talking about. But in a different and rather "odd manner" I guess when I compare it to your experiences.

Not too long after I was appointed as an elder, I attended my first meeting with the CO's not knowing what to expect. I left rather disappointed. But didn't know why, nor did I worry about it, even though I didn't learn anything.

I then relocated to another state. With a letter of acceptance. Even though one of the more dominating Jack Ass elders wanted me out.

At the new congregation after meeting the local elders, and seeing their attitudes and their arguments with one another, I just felt tired and just not wanting anything to do with being an elder. So I quit.

I guess that after being raised by a mother who adored the wbts, being dunked at the age of 16, being married to a jw wife, doing most that was required of me, my Subconscious mind started thinking for me and got tired of the whole mess.

So for no particular reason I just started fading away. This made the elders angry. Jealous maybe??.

Anyway they started looking for a reason, any reason to df me.

They found a way and this broke up my marriage. Which turned out to be another blessing in the end.

They are still fussing and fighting, my ex wife is alone and not doing too well. I am doing well and happier than ever leading a good life.

I never had even one thing beside the 1975 screw up to point to and even that kinda faded away.

But my strong feelings, to just stay at home and forget their meetings and magazines and door to door preaching " which I hated " slowly pulled me out of their control.

I was amazed at what I found on this forum and the wbts working with the ngo segment of the UN. Then all the other screw ups they made. I never knew they would be that stupid, arrogant and hypocritical and GET AWAY with it.

Go figure I guess. Thanks to that tiny little subconscious mind of mine, I was out.

Outoftheorg

greendawn

Well done at least now you are not contributing anything to their org, they are the real apostates from the truth.

aSphereisnotaCircle

Along the way, I went to three different elder schools. Each was heaped in legalistic secretive "How to manage the
sins of others without a lawsuit" kind of stuff.

Just had a little epiphany as to why there are so many more females then males in the Org.

The males get that extra dose of hypocrisy that us females usually don't get to see.

Thanks for your post, very well written.

nvrgnbk

Hello outoftheorg?,

Thanks for your story.

I am doing well and happier than ever leading a good life.

I'm glad for your success. I enjoyed your comment about your subconscious mind. It would appear that it's always there looking out for us, sometimes we're just not prepared to listen.

Nvr

TooBad TooSad

I really enjoyed reading about your experience. I am a survivor of 1975. During that time period, being an

elder, I faithfully followed the instructions to warn everyone that unless they studied and became witnesses

their life would come to an end in the Fall of 1975 or at the worse case scenario the beginning of 1976 if

Eve was created 3 to 4 months after Adam's creation.

I was told that I would not graduate from High School in the 1960's and now my children have graduated from

high school and I have a grandchild in high school? Maybe the end is so close that he won't have to graduate

from high school or maybe his children won't have to graduate from high school.

Again thanks for the great post.

OnTheWayOut

outoftheorg and TooBad TooSad, I really appreciate your posts.

TBTS, please post more about your experiences.

outoftheorg?

Thanks nvrgnbk.

I guess that part of my leaving as I did and not finding the wbts and their lies as a reason to leave, is due to my never studying the bible. It always seemed so useless and boring to read, let alone study it.

That I was never that sure of anything, in the religious matters and didn't know of their hypocrisy .

I have an assessing analyzing personality but a subject has to be interesting to me before I really look into it. What ever way, I finally got out of it.

Outoftheorg?

Doubting Bro

OTWO,

I can relate. You are progressing much faster than I have, but I am following your path. Something you said really hit me:

My questioning attitude resurfaced that same year when the 1995 doctrinal change for "This Generation"
came out in the WT magazine. I remember the meeting we covered the information. I thought this was
such a huge deal. People will be all abuzz about it. NOPE. It was covered in the typical Q&A style, and
we moved on. Afterward, I tried to converse with others about it. Some got it, while others didn't even
notice the change. The ones who got it just accepted it.

Me too. I didn't realize it at the time, but my attitude really changed about the future. I realized there was a good chance that I may not see the "end of this system". It was almost subconcious because I was just a MS at that point and still went gung-ho and got that elder appointment a few years later. Yet, I remember jacking up my 401k contribution soon after the article. I figured, well since there is no limit on the generation, I guess I better make sure I'm preparing for retirement(even though I was in my twenties). That was the smartest move I've made.

On the generation subject, I've had some candid conversations with folks who seem hard core JWs but they don't understand or buy into the explaination either. And they brought it up to me because for the last couple of years I was considered a liberal elder who didn't always toe the WTS line but tried to be balanced. Once you get that rep, people really open up to you about their doubts (as much as any JW can, which is not much) It's crazy that seemingly intelligent people can stiffle rational questions for the sake of faith.

I really wish they would make another crazy, major doctrine change that I could use as an excuse to accelerate my fade. As it is, this will take me years to complete.

Glad things are going well, but look out for the shepparding call that I will bet is coming when the new CO get there. Going from an elder to inactive in less than a year will guarantee a visit.

nvrgnbk

RE: OTWO & Doubting Bro. Fades

Hello to both. I don't know what's going to happen to me in the near future. I may be here crying my eyes out before you know it if they DA me in absentia, especially if anyone (I don't know who's reading this stuff) figures out who I am on JWD. But I will tell you this, I'm ready. I'm not saying it wont be tough, but I'm so ready. I already had the CO visit me. Super nice guy. And no I'm not being sarcastic, he's a kind man. I guess I'm saying just quit going already! Be as nice as pie to the brothers. You have no axe to grind with them. What's the worst that can happen? It feels so great to not go. And it gets easier with every passing day. I'm not trying to tell either one of you very intelligent men what to do. I'm just saying that by continuing to participate in the charade you're giving the org. power that it doesn't truly have. I hope my well-intentioned words of encouragement are not misunderstood.

Wishing you both the very best with this most delicate matter,

Nvr

Doubting Bro

nvgnbk,

First hello! My brother, I would LOVE to just quit going. Really, the only reason I continue to go is because of my wife. As much as I am angry about being lied to and used for all these years, I feel I must continue the charade to appease my wife. I will say she is not as zealous as I once thought, but I've had the conversation with her and she freaked out. I need to keep going because I refuse to allow this stupid religion to steal her from me. I will fake it for the rest of my life if I have to because I just can't imagine living without her.

I hear what you're saying and I don't disagree. By continuing to go and act like a JW, I understand I am giving the org more power than they truly have. But, I have to keep working on my wife and going to the meetings and on occasion out in service gives me the opportunity to do that. Not sure how long I can stomach it, but I just keep reminding myself that she (and my young child) are worth it.

Sometimes its so frustrating that I just want to go in a cave. But, this is the hand I've been dealt so I need to figure out how to make the best of it.

Reflections on my path to fading

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