One week before I was to get married (August 20, 1988), I solemnly stood in front of the years' worth of literature and stared unemotionally at them for quite a while before I placed them in the garbage can. I was leaving for a new life in Florida with a non-JW man and I wanted to give my old life a "funeral" by getting rid of the memories of what was and could have been my life as a JW woman. Although my heart was broken and my spirit crushed by the events of the previous three years (father died of colon cancer, judicial committees, lost friends, lost JW boyfriend, wearing the scarlet letter of being a sexual suspect, only true JW friend committed suicide, my fading, the subsequent harassment, living in Chicago to get away from them and him, finding a man who paid attention to me at a time when I was down a path of self destruction...), I knew my old life had to die in order for me to survive all that pain. Looking back, I'm a totally different person and getting rid of the literature was very cleansing for me in order to "resurrect" to a new life in Florida.