I am hoping someone here can offer some wisdom on how I can deal with my guilt. When I was disfellowshipped a few years ago I acted like a maniac afterwards. I did and said things to my then girlfriend and other witnesses that I truly regret. The rage I felt at the betrayal I felt the borg was giving me was truly intense. I felt like the gates of hell were opened in my heart and all the bile I had stored up for all those years at Bethel and in the full time service came pouring out and I vented on everyone bearing the name JW, even long time friends and family members. Right noe I am looking for redemption and even attending meetings in an effort to come to peace with it all. I still fell rage at all the lies but I figure making myself go through the reinstatement process will be a good way to learn the lesson of humility. I know you all here will think I'm crazy, and maybe I am. But the pain of being separated from my family is not easing even after all these years. Actuall I feel the pain more now than ever. I'm just not strong enough to be alone out here. I need family around me to feel safe. There are reasons why so many people go back to cults once they are exited, and why people join known cults in the first place. A sense of belonging. I'll never again actually believe in the "Truth" but it seems the lesser of two evils at this point in my life. I am failing at college, teaching and almost everything I try. I was good at being a witness once upon a time and happy once too. I need that happiness back. I am not finding it all alone by myself. Thoughts appreciated.
Guilt over how I acted when I was disfellowshipped-moment of weakness
by Shawn10538 36 Replies latest jw experiences
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Crumpet
Witnesses prey on the vulnerable. No one else of sound and right mind would join. Have you not noticed it is merely a collection of misfits - people who had given up on themselves in other aspects of life.
I was good at being a witness once upon a time and happy once too.
I think we can all safely say we can make a success of being a loser and a good loser too so that all the other losers look up to us, but is that really what you want - just to live out the miserable years of your life knowing you CHOSE to be a loser....
Don't do it. You are letting yourself down. This is your only life ever.
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avidbiblereader
Working to remove guilt is not the answer, only Christ can remove guilt "religiously" speaking. But I hear you on wanting to be a part of your family and missing them. I hope you find peace.
abr
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ex-nj-jw
Looks like the mind game they are known to play on df'd persons is working on you!!!!
Do you really want to be a part of a cult that tears families apart? Abuses children? Treat women as second class citizens? Tells you what you can and can not do?, when, why, where and how you should act, raise your children, live your life..............????
nj
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bigmouth
Shawn, I'm rushing to work so I'll be brief.
Guilt can be a good conscience telling you to apologise for unacceptable behaviour. But it is not a reason to beat yourself mentally or to be untrue to your standards.
Someone will soon give good advice on your family.
Kind thoughts,
Pete -
rebel8
"I'm just not strong enough to be alone out here. I need family around me to feel safe."
It isn't some elusive quality of strength that makes post-Borg people happy--it's the act of going out there and living a life worth living. Everyone feels isolated from time to time, even people in cults. Being physically near people who share some DNA with you is not going to do that.
I suspect if you returned you would feel a temporary blush, like make up sex, but you would feel even more lonely and depressed once you realize you were smack dab in the middle of a bunch of toxic relationships again. (I am of the opinion that no relationship in the cult can be a healthy one.)
"There are reasons why so many people go back to cults once they are exited, and why people join known cults in the first place. A sense of belonging."
There's a reason why women return to abusive spouses too--well, there are many--but one big reason is fear of being alone. -
purplesofa
There was a time when you would have given up anything for the truth.
Now make this a time when you don't give up on what you know is true.
This will sound like JamesThomas.........but keep looking within...
face your fears and take courage. I think its normal to feel remorse for
past things we did and said when we were angry. but put that in the right perspective.
make amends where you can but don't lose who you are in the process.
purps
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Crumpet
Rebel8 - I havent seen you for ages! That post is one of your very best by the way. Thank you for pointing out that it is how we choose to live our lives that makes us post- Borgers happier!
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nvrgnbk
I am hoping someone here can offer some wisdom on how I can deal with my guilt. When I was disfellowshipped a few years ago I acted like a maniac afterwards. I did and said things to my then girlfriend and other witnesses that I truly regret. The rage I felt at the betrayal I felt the borg was giving me was truly intense. I felt like the gates of hell were opened in my heart and all the bile I had stored up for all those years at Bethel and in the full time service came pouring out and I vented on everyone bearing the name JW, even long time friends and family members. Right noe I am looking for redemption and even attending meetings in an effort to come to peace with it all. I still fell rage at all the lies but I figure making myself go through the reinstatement process will be a good way to learn the lesson of humility. I know you all here will think I'm crazy, and maybe I am. But the pain of being separated from my family is not easing even after all these years. Actuall I feel the pain more now than ever. I'm just not strong enough to be alone out here. I need family around me to feel safe. There are reasons why so many people go back to cults once they are exited, and why people join known cults in the first place. A sense of belonging. I'll never again actually believe in the "Truth" but it seems the lesser of two evils at this point in my life. I am failing at college, teaching and almost everything I try. I was good at being a witness once upon a time and happy once too. I need that happiness back. I am not finding it all alone by myself. Thoughts appreciated.
Let it go bro. Just let it go. JWD is a great support group. The last thing you need is to run back into the arms of a cult. Abr suggested Jesus as a solution and I respect him and other like-minded posters for their faith, but I can tell you from experience that there are other ways to deprogram yourself. Fill up your mind with positive information and quit living in the past. Your future can be wonderful if you'll only let it.
Love and respect,
Nvr
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johnny cip
try it again, go back to the hall and ream the living shit out of all the jw's that have shunned you the last few years. tell them all to drop dead you will feel better. then go out and have a party. make nedw friends. they are out there. having friend at the hall is like have shitty smelly underwear, you always feel and smell like shit.