It's the JWs that should be feeling guilty about the way they treated you and so many others like you, and not you the one that should feel guilty for what you did to them.
Guilt over how I acted when I was disfellowshipped-moment of weakness
by Shawn10538 36 Replies latest jw experiences
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willowmoon
Yes, I'd think it would be difficult to go back, to admit your wrongdoings, to humble yourself to those who have been hurt by your actions.
More important though, is that by going back, you are returning to Jehovah. It's first about strengthening your relationship with Jehovah through His Organization, and then about the individuals within it whom you love and miss.
Have you prayed on this matter Shawn, asked Jehovah for the forgiveness and guidance you're seeking? Jehovah and Jesus can lead you back to the path on which you find purpose and meaning, back to the ones who bring true happiness to your life -- and away from the guilt and anger you feel toward individual humans.
Re-read your initial post carefully. I believe you have answered your own questions and will find your solutions in your own words.
I know this is not the advice many here expect, but here it is anyway: Go back to the meetings, put the anger out (it is a very destructive emotion), go with an open heart and mind for the ones who truly love you.
I need that happiness back. I am not finding it all alone by myself.
I think you do know who can help you get that happiness back. Remember Shawn, you are never alone ...
best to you,
willow -
SPAZnik
Anger is an energizing emotion and is part of the human array of emotion for good reason.
It is as legitimate an emotion as any other and should be observed, heeded and managed, intelligently, not ignored or "put out" like some sort of trash.
Anger can be used for very constructive purposes. It need not be destructive, although the suppression and/or repression of it, or of any emotion for that matter, certainly can be.
Lack of awareness about emotions and their management makes a person highly susceptible to those that would, knowingly or unwittingly, seek to take advantage, control, dominate (sometimes by negating the validity of that most basic of intelligence, emotion).
Please do not heed the advice of anyone that would have you suppress, repress or toss out your (gawd-given?) emotions indefinitely, particularly without actually addressing them or paying heed to the reasons they manifested in the first place. Observe and accept your emotions for what they are. Gifts. Learn to manage these and you will be quite successful in whatever path(s) you choose for your life. -
jwfacts
I know this is not the advice many here expect, but here it is anyway
Willoman, yours is exactly the type of advice one would expect from a JW. Sadly, it is destructive information as it is exactly what cult mind control is about. Consider your comment:
It's first about strengthening your relationship with Jehovah through His Organization
Cults say without exception that a relationship can only be had through their Organization, or leaders.
You fail to recognise that many people have a relationship with God who have never heard of the WTS. Likewise in polls generally around two thirds of people consider themselves to be happy.
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Shawn10538
Many, many thanks to all of you who posted a reply. I've been busy, so I haven't read them all until today. But I want you all to know that this is a community of people I love and respect. I really felt the love from all of you, and some of you who even called and emailed because you were worried about the depression I'm going through. I've had friends coming over and blessing my new apartment with ceremony and frankinsense and myrr, another friend who took me out to Palos Verdes and did LSD with me (it was really a sweet gesture in his own way, he was sure it would bring me out of my funk - and it did!) and several other friends who have called, even my own brother and father who are Witnesses were so worried about me that they called. So, I feel really cared for right now.
I just want to make one thing very clear: getting reinstated does not in any way mean that I actually believe in Jehovah. I do not believe in God of any kind or name. I do not believe Jesus was a historical person. I believe he is the myth of Prometheus and other similar Krishna myths that preceded the so called Jesus of Nazereth by thousands of years. That is why there is no legitimate secular evidence of Jesus existence. It's because he never existed. That's my beliefs. Getting reinstated is just that: getting reinstated. I do not believe in the JW religion nor will I ever believe in the JW religion. It is false in its very basic foundational premises. I do not believe that the bible is anything but a collection of popular myths and legends compiled by Levitical priests. Harry Potter is a holier book than the Bible as far as I'm concerned. So, the idea of praying to Jehovah is "right out" to quote Monty Python.
Still, I feel that this process, though hard, will get me access to my family that I don't have now. And as I get older hopefully they will be there for me. Should I start a family, my children will have cousins. I don't plan on raising kids in the borg though of course.
I welcome any more advice you may have on the matter. -
Shawn10538
Update on Shawn...
I just couldn't take sitting in those meetings anymore. It is so sickening to listen to their lies. I tried for a few weeks, but now I'm just like, no way in hell can I ever get back into that org. even as a fake witness. The bible says somewhere that when you have dealings with stupid ones you will fair badly. Well, being with JWs is being with stupid people, and it is dangerous to be in their company. Bad things tend to happen and you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position in relation to them, one of subm,ission and manipulation, and they will absolutely work evil on you in one form or another. I can't believe I ever considered going back to it. Man, was I depressed! But now, I spent the summer smoking a lot of pot and I feel a ton better thanks to Santa Maria! Saint of Healing. Thank you Confession for your calls and encouragement!
Shawn -
Open mind
I'm surprised at you Shawn! Why just this week there's a very intellectually stimulating # 4 talk on the TMS that you absolutely must hear.
Something like "Is the Bible Scientifically Valid?"
I'm sure once you hear this, all your doubts will fade into the past. C'mon back. First one's free.
Open Mind
(Ok, can I count FS time for that?)