Getting nervous

by FourMs 26 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mystery

  Welcome FourMs
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  ex-nj-jw

  don’t you always feel like you want to please your parents

  No, not at all. Once you get over the fact that they are guilt tripping you, disappointing them won't be an issue. Worry more about how this cult would and could affect your children and your marraige.

  You are all grown up now, and disappointing mommy and daddy because you no longer believe as they do is nothing to be guilty about!!

  Welcome to JWD!! Look forward to hearing more from you

  nj
• 

  penny2

  They have been at my door about every other day.

  How annoying! My suggestion is to try and ignore them and hopefully they will stop their harrassment. I haven't had a call in years. Sooner or later they forget about you and move on to someone else.

  As far as my parents go, there is always that little nagging in my head that tells me I am disappointing them.

  Your parents are enslaved to a cult. You will be a disappointment to them and there is nothing you can do about it. The alternative is to remain a JW and you've already worked out that you don't want to do that. It will get easier over time.

  penny2
• 

  dedpoet

  Hi FourMs, and welcome

  Well done for making the break. I can imagine it will be difficult telling your parents
  the whole truth about how you feel, but for the sake preserving of your new - found freedom
  you may have to eventually.

  The elders may well ask you if you still believe that the wts is the truth if they do corner
  you, so try and avoid that at all costs. However you answer that question, they will try
  and use it to manipulate you - if you say yes, they will ask why you are not at meetings:
  if you say no, they will form a judicial committee to deal with you, and likely df you.

  I hope things go well with your sister and brother.
• 

  jgnat

  I am very happy for you, your children, your husband, and your siblings! Good for you!

  don’t you always feel like you want to please your parents

  This happens with ALL children, not just the witnesses. The big difference is that in the world, children are supposed to grow up and break away from their parents. With the witnesses, such independence comes at a terrible cost.
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  poppers

  Welcome, FourMs. Drop the guilt over telling your parents. It's dead weight - let it all go. You are grown up now and obviously have the mental capacity to actually think for yourself. Those trapped in cults cannot actually think clearly, no matter what their age. Your parents may be older but with their age wisdom failed to follow. They are still living in a dream world and you are waking up. Congratulations.
• 

  reneeisorym

  don’t you always feel like you want to please your parents

  Yes. Its such a disappointment to me that they can't be proud of me. By any other parent's standards, they would be tremendously proud of me. I want so badly for my parents to be proud of who I have become but I know it will never happen. That really does hurt.

  I made a decision that it was more important that I be open, honest, and truthful about who I was. It cost me my family and home but it was worth it. I felt freedom and honesty were the most important things to me than conditional love and conversation. The conversation would have only been about why I wasn't going to the meetings anyway.

  I don't know how you'll handle this with your parents. I just wanted you to hear from one person who was happy they left and broke away from them cold turkey.
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  Tuesday

  I'm sure if the elders do corner you and you just say that you're feeling too stressed to go to meetings they'll leave you alone for the most part. You may end up inactive, but at least then you'll be able to talk to your parents still, plus you'll have your new relationships with your brother and sister too. Life will be great.
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  AuntieJane

  4F's, WElcome and let me say I am so proud of you! What a wonderful thing, to reconnect with your siblings and make up for all those lost years. Remember to go forward, don't look back; nothing is really gained from thinking, "what if" , "why didn't" etc. Just love each other and share the years ahead of you. Especially fortunate is your own family, your husband and children. You will be teaching your children the true meaning of the word Love.

  Blessings to you and yours,

  AJ
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  anewme

  Welcome! I agree that parents exert a huge power over your life, good and bad.
  
  When my father died it was the most horrible loss for me!!! But afterwards a remarkable feeling of release and freedom emerged in my heart that took me quite by surprise.
  
  I was finally free to take some chances that led me to my new life.
  
  
  Welcome 4ms!
  
  Anewme