Happy are those who are shunned!

by Gill 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Gill
    Gill

    Hi Linda! Great to hear from you!

    It's a strange thing, isn't it. Fear of shunning actually keeps a lot of us, though not all of us, trapped in the WT for a lot longer than necessary. In the long run, we find that we really don't want these same people we feared would shun us, to unshun us! They have nothing to say that springs from themselves.

    I have reached a point where I don't care if any of my family leave the WT anymore. I really believe that some of them perhaps deserve to be driven by such an evil master.

    Take Care, Linda! Hope you're having a lovely Easter weekend. What about all this heat and sunshine then?! I love climate change!

    Gill

  • LeslieV
    LeslieV

    It is funny that I was just talking about this with my neice who is still a JW. Her father (my ex brother-in-law) passed away a few months ago. I did attend the funeral, and realized that the best thing I ever did was to DA myself and protect my children from their relatives. Not only on my ex' side but mine as well. My children are well adjusted, educated, and kind. Their cousins on both sides are still all JW's and are judgmental, unkind, stuggling to survive, stepford children. THANK GOD I AM SHUNNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It kept the JW's away from my kids.

    Lelie

  • Gill
    Gill

    LeslieV - I agree with you, that Shunning is a protection for our children. It is difficult enough to think of the fear that being a JW puts into children. They are afraid of everything they do, that it might be criticised and fear constantly for armageddon. There are enough problems in the world to muddle through without the made up ones of the Watchtower Society!

    I think of my cousin dashing at the TV to switch it off if there is any mention of birthdays, christmas, Harry Potter etc and wonder about how that damages her children.....will they ever be 'normal'. I think of my cousins auto immune illness which makes her so ill all of the time and realise that her frantic fearful lifestyle in the WT society has a lot to answer for.

    Staying away from people with bizarre cultic ideas can only be a good thing in the long run.

  • dobbie
    dobbie

    Yes my family aren't jws but my husbands are and i was finding it really hard being shunned, the dr even offered counselling i was in such a state about it, losing friends and feeling like dirt when they ignored me.But last week we stopped off at the shops before taking the kids out for the day and my hubby found himself in front of an elder in the queue, who proceeded to lecture him the whole time, ended up saying ' i don't know how your poor mother copes' etc which ruined the day for him.Even while we were at the place we went to another one rang him up hassling him about the memorial that night!I suddenly realised how fortunate i am, because while he still has to put up with the petty comments and shakes when he sees them out on the doors etc, i don't have to worry about it anymore as they won't approach me.So yes i am quite relieved that i'm shunned now, especially as it makes me extra sure that i will never get involved with it again, as i the shunning is the cruellest thing ever. The only problem i have is that my son is in class with his jw cousin and other jws so i can't separate him away from it like i would wish, hes only 4yrs but does come home about things they've said about meetings, prayers etc.

    I just can't believe i stayed in it as long as idid and did certain things just because i was scared of them, as soon as i left i realised the reality isn't as bad as what i always imagined it would be for me personally. Anyway what i do is, if they shun me i do it back, a jw smiled at me the other day(though most hang their heads down!) and so i smiled back.If my sis in law deigns to speak if no other jws are about, i'll speak back, if i'm invisible to her that day, so is she. I'm not worried about hubbys step dad and mother cos they've never been there for him or my kids, and there's no way my boys are going round there. Also. although i on't really mention any of this to people who aren't jws, my husband does and people can't believe ex jws get treated this way so in a way its another reason to be glad i'm shunned because it puts ordinary people off the religion totally- yippee!

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    one of my babies was born with a potentially serious abnormality and an elders wife coming around and asking me if I had done something that would cause Jehovah's protection to be lifted from my baby!? Arrogant B.....!

    Wow. Just when I thought I could not be surprised by anything a JW said or did. How hurtful.

    Yes, I was just thinking as I drove down a street near mine, that no longer was a JW woman calling me, asking me to go to school to pick up her child or take her child to school , etc. No one calling me to come to the airport to pick them up or take them to/home from meetings and assemblies. Also, don't have to go clean the KH or pull weeds outside in the baking Texas sun with the few people that showed up to work.

    Just one note. There can't be an argument with only one person. How about every time your mom says "You will be destroyed and the birds will peck out your eyes!" you could just say, "Really?" or "Oh.Well, then, I have something exciting to look forward to, don't I?" or something like that. Humor can help. But she is your mom, and take it from someone who has already lost one parent and the other is very old, you don't want a bad argument to be the last words said.

    Your health IS more important than making your points heard. If you know it's like talking to a wall, why talk to a wall? When she starts talking the JW stuff, just say "I love you mom. Gotta go. Talk to you later, and hang up."

  • Gill
    Gill

    Quandry - Great points. Arguing with walls is a waste of energy. It won't happen again. AT the time I was thinking, 'why am I bothering',she wasn't listening anyway!

  • Numinous
    Numinous

    My good friend's mother died about a year after I got DFed and I sent a sympathy card with a small note about my life being PEACEFUL. I could imagine that word and the implications of it on someone really, without peace. It's funny that they should think we are "receiving our reward in full" and "only thinking we are happy"--there are more witnesses diagnosed for depression and mental illness than any other religion because when you go to the hall you imagine you are the only one not living up to the standards...right up till the day it hits you that it is all just people.

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