i'm new - help me

by donnalee 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  donnalee

  i originally began my communications thorugh freeminds which i found thru google - one of the writers for freeminds suggested this forum. i hope that i will find some ansers thru you. below are some of the questions that i have.

  the email below is an email that i had sent on 4/8 in response to a very kind and helpful response with some questions that i had had. the biggest concern that i have is whether or not that i am beoing "fooled". is it fair to say that jws are kind to you becasue they want your fellowship? do congregations exist that except others for their beliefs? i had a wonderful day spent with jws during my boyfriened's baptism on saturday. i even went out with a group of jws after the ceremony. am i stereotping or being paranoid beleiving thta they are interacting wiht me only for the benefit of helping me to find the "truth"???? all 6 of the individuals were funny, enjoyable and kind. why is converting me SO important for them? does it guarentee their salvation?? do jws have friends who are not jws? thanks. i hope to hear from you soon. best regards, donna dear free minds- i'm writing to you again because i have some more questions. the relationship that i began with a 51-year old jw seems to be coming to a close. we are moving closer to becoming just friends - but "friends" in the sense that i am the one to call him. i miss having contact with him and am confused about what has happened to our relationship. (he has stated that he will stay celibate until he marries again. he also stated that he would like to marry another jw - to me this signifies a weakness in his own spirtiuality). another irony - my massage therapist is a jw. how can a fellowship condemn intimacy, but a person who makes a living from touch is a jw? i used some of the tools and references that were suggested to me a month or so ago thru free minds. unfortunately, it was at that point that i think i "lost" him. i tried to use some of the tools, yet i think he felt as if i ws attacking him. now when i call him (once a week) he is quite cordial and we usually talk for an hour or so. i know that every one is different, but might you be able to tell me if his kindness is authentic or is staying friends a spiritual necessity? i'm having an awlful time ltting him go. i'm trying to understand my own feelings on why it is so diffiuclt. i am also 51 years old and it's not easy to find a partner that you can get along with. might it possible for you to guide me through this very difficult period. btw, i have been to 4 "meetings" and i'm in awe of the normalcy of it all. the congregation is well-dressed (VERY well- dressed) and everyone is extremely kind. Comments like "You are welcome here anytime" and "Please come back" were common. Unlike my church (Unitarian Universalists) the congregation was a mix of young and old. please help make me aware of the danger of the Kingdom of Jehovah Witnesses. Is it a cult or just an ambitious fellowship? are there any statistics on the make-up of jws? thank you. i hope that i can continue a dialgue with someone becasue i am confused. best regards, donnalee
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  Arthur

  Welcome donnalee

  I was born and raised a Jehovah's Witness, and spent 30 years in the organization. I can certainly attest to the fact that most JWs are indeed good-hearted, kind, and sincere individuals. I personally do not believe that JWs show kindness to "worldly" people only for alterior motives. I am not so sure that they even consciously wish to "convert" you. From what you shared, it sounds like they just happened to meet you at this occasion.

  You must begin to understand the psychology and the mindset of the JW organization. Most JWs truly believe that they have the one and only true religion on earth. They truly believe that they are going to live in a paradise earth. When they observe people who they perceive to be kind, decent people, they have a desire to share the "good news" with those individuals. Sometimes, their efforts to share their faith with you is subtle, and sometimes it is more overt.

  Your situation seems a little unclear. From what you shared, it sounds as if you met this man after he had already been associated with the JWs. Is this correct?

  There is one thing that I do know. This situation is going to create some tension. It is obvious that your boyfriend is devout, and seriously believes that this is the "Truth". Yet, in your writing, you seem very unclear. What are your thoughts on the JW theology? Doctrines and practices?

  I can tell you that there is going to be greater pressure on you to go to meetings and conventions with your boyfriend. You have some very serious decisions ahead of you. You need to seriously ask yourself where you stand with the Jehovah's Witnesses beliefs.
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  Highlander

  The j-dubs are already causing him to be more distant from you. In reality, they are trying to isolate him from you since you are a non-jw, or as they call you, a 'worldly person'.

  If you were to convert to a JW, you would also be expected to isolate yourself from non-jw friends, relatives, loved ones. In the mind of a j-dub,, if you are not with them, then you

  are against them. This type of thinking destroys family units and life long friendships.

  It also appears that your b/f becomes defensive when you discuss jw topics. I think you should cut your losses. To gain him back, you will have to give up everything else.

  Can you live with limited or no contact from your family and loved ones?

  Please,, cut your losses and move on.
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  onlycurious

  I have to say I am on this forum to learn but have gleaned a lot of information over the past handful of months.

  While some of these jw's may be very nice, they are in a cult that has controlled their minds and every social aspect of their lives. They may be very nice to you but I imagine their real motive is to insure you know the 'truth'. While they may be genuine in their faith, their message is far from the truth.

  I suggest reading the stories of those on this forum. Stories of broken hearts, broken families and broken lives. It has taken these people years to heal from the wounds they have expereinced as a direct result of the control the wts has on their friends and families, and even the control they once had on their own minds and lives.

  If you continue a relationship with this man, you are most likely headed down the same path.

  My suggestion is to remain a friendly distance. He's been baptised, he's 'in' now and shouldn't be dating a 'worldly' woman.
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  TheKings

  hi donna :) ... i'll see if i can answer some of your questions. "is it fair to say that jws are kind to you becasue they want your fellowship? " The only reason a JW would keep up a frriendship with an unbeliever would be with the hope of indoctrinating them. They are kind to you because they are selling the organization to you with smiles and polite conversation. It's something commonly referred to as the 'love bomb'. "do congregations exist that except others for their beliefs? " NO. You will find out that if you don't eventually become one of them, thinking, dressing, speaking exactly like them then the "friends" you made will show you their true motivaiton. you will be dropped like a hot potato. The only business a witness has with unbelievers is converting them. If you will not be converted then you will be seen as a waste of their time. there is no real love. Having different beliefs is nothing short of heresy in JW terms. "am i stereotping or being paranoid beleiving thta they are interacting wiht me only for the benefit of helping me to find the "truth"???? " you are absolutely 100% correct. "all 6 of the individuals were funny, enjoyable and kind. why is converting me SO important for them? " because it's the only reason they are bothering to talk to you. because it is the sole purpose of their lives as JW's. "does it guarentee their salvation?? do jws have friends who are not jws? " yes, and again, JWs only associate as friends with JWs. i don't have the time to answer the rest, but there are many here who will ;)
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  TheKings

  Sorry for the formatting… I can never figure it out.
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  AlmostAtheist

  >>They are kind to you because they are selling the organization to you with smiles and polite conversation. It's something commonly referred to as the 'love bomb'.

  Agreed, though understand that the are quite often sincere about it. They aren't consciously "love-bombing", they think they are rejoicing with you that you are perhaps going to join their wonderful organization and live forever in paradise. But the result is the same, they make it seem like you have instant friends and instant acceptance, when you really and truly don't.

  Dave
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  steve2

  I was raised in a JW family and I well remember my wonderful JW grandparents admonishing all their grandchildren "to make sure of all things and hold fast to what is fine." Paradoxically, it was because I followed this admonition that I finally left.

  Whatever you do, Donna - whether it's to make a commitment to the religious faith of Jehovah's witnesses or to keep your distance - "make sure of all things". Don't stop questioning things just because people tell you to, okay?

  Yes, JWs can make you feel very welcome...and I don't doubt their motives. However, you may find that, as they get to know you better, they will have a limited tolerance for your questions...especially questions about recent events at their world headquarters, captured in shocking detail in Ray Franz' Crisis of Conscience.
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  What-A-Coincidence

  Hi Welcome!

  read any of these 4 books on this link http://p071.ezboard.com/fthethinkingjehovahswitnessdiscussionforumfrm50
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  Arthur

  Let me just add a couple more points before I turn in for the night:

  I'm not sure if I am accurate, but it seems as if you are asking whether a person can become a baptized JW without accepting all of the official doctrines. The answer is a resounding NO. To become a baptized JW, you must accept all doctrines regardless of whether they make sense to you or not. As a JW, you must also submit to all organizational policies which can govern many areas of life (healthcare, employment, etc.)

  I don't know how much you have studied the Bible, but I strongly recommend that you learn as much about it if you can (if you haven't already). Study the Bible independently of Watchtower publications. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that your boyfriend didn't know very much about the Bible before he studied with the Witnesses. I'll tell you why I say this.

  I have noticed over the years that people who have a good understanding of the Bible; and who regularly study Bible commentaries, lexicons, and varying translations almost never become JWs. This is because most of them quicly notice the peculiar alterations of the Watchtower's New World Translation. They often see how the Watchtower has taken various verses out of context, has twisted certain texts, and has even altered the translation of text to create different meaning. People who don't know very much about the Bible, and who aren't very intellectually curious usually won't pick up on these subtle factors.

  Doing in-depth reseach into the Bible is very time consuming, and takes a lot of effort. Many people simply don't do this. It is easier to just study publications that tell them what to believe. This is where many people have been mislead by faulty Watchtower reasoning. I myself fell into this trap.

  You'll need to do some research on your own. Don't just take our word for it. You need to be convinced yourself.