i'm new - help me

by donnalee 20 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  jeanV

  I can certainly attest to the fact that most JWs are indeed good-hearted, kind, and sincere individuals.

  That is also my experience. However, when it comes to being kind to people that come to the KH, there is no doubt that more effort is put in the kindness for the objective of helping the person get a Bible study and eventually become a JW. This is done out of sincerity (at least that is how I did it) as most JW truly believe they are the only ones that will be saved, etc... for that reason you are normally shown just the good side and people are quite careful in trying to please you. I would compare this phase to courtship, you are shown the best side to be attracted. The dark side (even of single individuals) is usually discovered later (when you are already married and it is too late). it is just human nature, when we are selling something (even unconsciously) we work hard at it.

  Doing in-depth reseach into the Bible is very time consuming, and takes a lot of effort. Many people simply don't do this. It is easier to just study publications that tell them what to believe. This is where many people have been mislead by faulty Watchtower reasoning. I myself fell into this trap.

  You'll need to do some research on your own. Don't just take our word for it. You need to be convinced yourself.

  Wise words.
• 

  dawg

  Donnalee,

  How many religions do you know of that won't talk to their family members when they decide they don't agree with the religions teachings? Then won't even listen to conclusive evidence that shows their wrongdoings without stopping associaiton with their own famlies. Read the various post where this has happened leaving those victimised by this religion alone without family simply becasue they questioned the religious authority of a group of men. How many religions do you know like this? You boyfriend is already displaying this behavior and he's a beginner; what do you think he'll be like in a few more years? Ask him this point blank question; if I was to become a member would you then accept me? Then ask him if you and he were to marry and years later you discovered you didn't believe what the JW's were teaching what would happen.. Don't let him be evasive either,, make him answer you... Once he does, and I know what he'll say becasue he's already being brainwashed, then GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! Believe me, this is good advice! You don't need the pain this religion is sure to bring you years from now, live a happy life and get the hell away from these morons.
• 

  donnalee

  to all of u who've respnded - most importantly, thank you. it's obvious that each of u have had unique experiences. to answer a few questions, i'd like to state that going up against any jw is not something that interests me. however, here is a quote from the gentleman who referred me to this ofrum "Love conquers all things, and if this JW really loves you, then his love for you will (over-ride) any expectations of requiring you to become one of Jehovah's Witnesses" how wud u respond 2 this? of the 10 jws that i've met, 3 are married to non-jws & most of their children r not jws i'm already understanding that i, most likely, will have to cut my losses. this doesn't imply that it will be easy. i look 4ward to your support.

  "the heart would have no rainbow, if the eyes did not have tears"

  gratefully.

  donnalee
• 

  donnalee

  " The only reason a JW would keep up a frriendship with an unbeliever would be with the hope of indoctrinating them. They are kind to you because they are selling the organization to you with smiles and polite conversation" - this is really, really sad for me to hear. not just becasue it affects me, but becasue it is such a false way to be especially for a group of people who claim that they have found the "TRUTH" You replied "You will find out that if you don't eventually become one of them, thinking, dressing, speaking exactly like them then the "friends" you made will show you their true motivaiton. you will be dropped like a hot potato. The only business a witness has with unbelievers is converting them. If you will not be converted then you will be seen as a waste of their time. there is no real love" I have, unfortunately, yet realistically, let my heart rule first and then my logic. Once again I have been duped, but by a whole organization!! this has to be my best record yet! I can "feel" that my b/f had mixed feelings (mainly physical...sexual, i believe), but the organization pushed him forward. i had a nice time visiting w/the group of jws who whom my b/f associates which confuses me. coming onto this supprot forum has helped me tremendously, yet sometimes i feel that i am hopeless. i continue to call him even tho he has made it clear that we CANNOT be a couple. everytime that i call him, i just want him to know that there is a non-jw who thinks about him. is ths so bad? what do u think he thinks of me?? a loser, perhaps? desparate, perhaps?? am i stereotping or being paranoid beleiving thta they are interacting wiht me only for the benefit of helping me to find the "truth"???? " you are absolutely 100% correct. it feels SOOOO good to be 100% correct. thanks. " because it's the only reason they are bothering to talk to you. because it is the sole purpose of their lives as JW's. "does it guarentee their salvation?? do jws have friends who are not jws? " yes, and again, JWs only associate as friends with JWs. i don't have the time to answer the rest, but there are many here who will ;) how do u know all of this?
• 

  donnalee

  Dear Hghlander-

  as w/all the other repsonses, i am quite gr8ful for yours. interestingly, when i spoke to him this morning and i saud "when shud I call u because I know that you cannot call me" he replied, "do not assume anything" to which i then asdded - "You are the one who said that you cudn't call me o chose not to call me"

  He denied that he had ever said that & i was assuming things. This is when i realized that i AM stronger minded than he and that his thought processes are twisted. He stated "I must be careful. After the elders called me into their office last week they told me that I need to have a clear conscious." Ya know what i think?? i think he doesn't quite know what he's gotten himself into. cud this b true4 many other jws? first u r welcomed, then coerced, then suffocated.

  "I think you should cut your losses." is good advice. iI know myself and i know that it will take some time and i'm NOT willing "to give up everything else".

  Can you live with limited or no contact from your family and loved ones? NOPE

  Please,, cut your losses and move on. THANKS
• 

  Dogpatch

  Good to see you here Donna! I hope that the comments of others will be of help to you.

  Randy

  http://www.freeminds.org
• 

  dedpoet

  Hi donnalee, and a warm welcome to the forum

  You wrote

  i think he doesn't quite know what he's gotten himself into. cud this b true4 many other jws? first u r welcomed, then coerced, then suffocated.

  You are so right there!

  You mentioned that your boyfriend has been recently baptised. That means he will have only seen the loving side of the organisation. The harsher rules and regulations,of which there are several, come later, once he becomes a fully-fledged jw, which is only after baptism. Potential converts are invited to ask any question they like until they are baptised, but no questions are allowed after their baptism. It may be that your boyfriend is being told that, unless you are prepared to make progress towards becoming a jw yourself, he should limit or even cease his contact with you.

  Here is a link to the book that the elders use to run the congregation. I would doubt that your boyfriend has ever seen it. I would particularly advise you to read from section 4b

  http://www.dbhome.dk/carlo/

  dedpoet
• 

  Quandry

  Welcome to the forum, donnalee.

  I think your boyfriend is already beginning to see the downside of a friendship with you. He states that the elders have already "called him into their office." They are quickly trying to let him that he should not have further association with you. You are a wordly person. One who will die at Armageddon. Yes, the ones in the Kingdom Hall are nice to you, but this is their honest assessment of you. If you are not a baptized witness, you are in reality worshipping Satan. They want to "save" you from this fate.

  Sorry to let you know this, but why prolong the relationship if there is no future in it if you do not become a witness?

  Yes, like the others said, take time to investigate now and do lots of reading and research. One cannot do this if already baptized. To even look at this forum is forbidden for witnessess, and could result in shunning by all witnessess if one is baptized.
• 

  BFD

  Can you live with limited or no contact from your family and loved ones? NOPE

  Welcome to the forum, Donnalee.

  I was raised as a JW and was baptised when I was 14 years old. I was disfellowshipped at 17. My mom is still an active JW and I have not seen her in 10 years because she shuns me. I have two brothers and one sister that are also shunned by her. My mom has 11 granchildren and has only met 8 of them. They do not know her.

  She is doing this because this is what she is told to do by the "brothers". Although she did not shun us for some time, I was told it was because she was "weak". Somehow in her mind now the shunning makes her stronger spiritually. This cult has broken my family apart. When my dad died (he was never a JW) she did not even have the respect to show up at his funeral. This is the wake that the JWs have left behind for me in my life and this is only the tip of a very large iceburg. It is only recently that I became aware that I am not spiritually dead as I had believed I was since 1977.

  I am sorry for your pain right now but if you follow your BF into this mind control it will only get worse.

  Respectfully,

  BFD
• 

  TheKings

  "this is really, really sad for me to hear. not just becasue it affects me, but becasue it is such a false way to be especially for a group of people who claim that they have found the "TRUTH""
  they are no different than any other group of people, ...because people are really all the same where ever you go (coming to that realization helped me realize that it was a cult). some are sincere and some insincere. some will help you and others will harm you. JW's teach that they are different from the world they live in because of the love they show, but the love they show is in a lot of cases nothing more than a handshake and a how-do-you-do to every new face that shows up for the sunday morning talk. real love is shown only to friends (no, just because they refer to all JW's as 'the friends' doesn't mean they give a damn whether their mom is sick in the hospital) ... once you figure out that real love is only between real friends you will see that this is no different than the behavoir of those they call "worldly" people ...which is the height of arrogance.
  "I can "feel" that my b/f had mixed feelings (mainly physical...sexual, i believe), but the organization pushed him forward. i had a nice time visiting w/the group of jws who whom my b/f associates which confuses me. coming onto this supprot forum has helped me tremendously, yet sometimes i feel that i am hopeless. i continue to call him even tho he has made it clear that we CANNOT be a couple. everytime that i call him, i just want him to know that there is a non-jw who thinks about him. is ths so bad? what do u think he thinks of me?? a loser, perhaps? desparate, perhaps??"
  if he allowed himself to become estranged from you, someone who truly cares for him, by exhanging that for the topical pleasantries of the witnesses, failed to see the doctrinal red flags upon attending meetings at the kingdom hall, and then continues to lead you on in a way by saying it was your decision not his ...then it is him with the serious issues here, not you. if you are going to cut your losses then do so by having a REAL conversation with him about EVERYTHING you are thinking. don't hold any punches.
  "how do u know all of this?"
  i was raised in the faith, remaing in it for about ...17 years, and found my way out the hard way. my family is still practicing.
  *crosses fingers hoping formatting will work*