Would I be df’d if…?

by FourMs 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jwfacts

  One of my friends is in a similar situation. She has been stalked by elders for some time, but it is three years on and they come less and less. She told the elders when she first had them coming around that she has things to work out and is not interested in discussing it with them. When they kept coming she got to the point 12 months ago that she told them if they come again she will call the police and get a restraining order against them. That stopped them for a while by recently the arrived at her doorstep again when she was not home and left a note. She rang them again and over the phone told them this was their last warning before the police are called. To this day they have not disfellowshipped her.

  She has not said anything against the WTS so she can not be d/f for apostasy. The situation is similar for yourself. However, if the elders want to make trouble they could d/f my friend and possibly you for loose conduct. as loose conduct is defined as Insight on the Scriptures, Volume 2 p.264 " “Acts that reflect a brazen attitude, an attitude betraying disrespect, even contempt for law and authority ." and extended to include being disrespectful to the elders. However this is quite unlikely.
• 

  FourMs

  I suppose the elders are in a position to do just about anything if they feel like it, but they don’t really have anything on me.

  jwfacts, you’re right that they could get me on that point in the insight book.

  I think if I bumped into an elder at the grocery store, I’d be fine to tell him a little tidbit, like what a few of you have said, just that I am figuring a few things out and if I need their help, I’ll call them. For some reason, coming to my house unannounced is very inappropriate in my opinion. I find that ironic because bothering people at their doors unannounced was a big part of my life (every JW’s life).

  Thanks for your thoughts…
  FourMs
• 

  chelleadam

  I think they can dissasociate you, but I don't believe they can disfellowship you without a judicial comittee or you making some direct statement that you no longer wish to be a witness.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  like what a few of you have said, just that I am figuring a few things out and if I need their help, I’ll call them.

  That would be too specific; you don't want them to know that you're 'figuring things out' because then they can start thinking that you're an apostate, and they'll look for things to get rid of you over.

  For some reason, coming to my house unannounced is very inappropriate in my opinion. I find that ironic because bothering people at their doors unannounced was a big part of my life (every JW’s life).

  You're going to have to deal with that. You used to do it yourself so you know where they're coming from. If you actually do want to keep your family you're going to have to accept that you've got a complex game ahead and it doesn't always go by your rules.

  I'd recommend talking to them; mentioning only that you've been depressed lately and very busy, but that you appreciate their concern and you'll get in touch with them if you need help. Do not let your neighbour interfere; that will be creating a situation that you can't control. Actually, be more careful from now on what you tell people about this situation. If you really want to keep your family, you need to contain the kind of information that can cause problems with elders and family.
• 

  averyniceguy

  Thank God that I am deaf, I cannot hear door knocks!
• 

  Pahpa

  It varies from congregation to congregation. It largely depends on the elders. If they are "gung ho" they will probably be persistent until they talk with you to determine your current status. If the elders are overwhelmed with other problems they probably will make only an initial effort and go on to more "important matters." However, if concerned relatives are pressing the elders you may expect more visits from them.

  It's difficult to make a "fade" if you are living in the same area as your local congregation. Most of the successful "fades" I have known are individuals who have moved into a new area and just never started associating again.
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  Wasanelder Once

  Dissassociation is done at the request of the individual and not at the request of a stranger, especially a worldly person. They have no say in anything congregational. They might seek you out even more persistently though if he opens his mouth. Just tell them you don't want to discuss your problems right now, you are doing research in the literature to resolve some of your problems and in order to make better decisions. That should placate them. They will ask why no meetings, just be honest and say you are not up to meetings right now, you're more concerned about doing your research and Bible reading right now, thanks for comine, goodbye.

  They can't DF you without any charges or witnesses.

  W.Once
• 

  jaguarbass

  If you want to hide something from a Witness, put it in the Watchtower, if you want to be ignored by Witnesses. go to the Kingdom Hall.

  Amen, Gary Buss
• 

  brunnhilde

  Gary Buss, are you writing a book? I would love to see the "collected sayings of Gary Buss!" Everything you say is so pithy and dead on the money!
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  Hi FourMs,

  A friend of mine is in a similar situation to you. She has stopped attending meetings recently, and no longer believes in watchtower doctrine. Her parents and brothers are active jws, and she doesn't want to lose contact with them by revealing her true feelings about the wts, so when the elders have called her, she has told them that she has been feeling unwell, and very depressed lately, and they have been leaving her alone - no visits and only one phone call. Maybe such an approach would work for you.

  Linda