by lydia 68 Replies latest jw friends
Escargot,
: While looking for friends, remember the Bible is very vague on a number of topics that only will be addressed when our Lord comes back to set matters right
Of course, this begs the simple question, "Why was it written in such a fashion as to confuse and confound people for 2,000 years (fifty generations) then?"
Well?
Farkel
"When in doubt, duck!"
Somebody,
That was a very emotional post. Because it hit the heart of the matter. Us who have been raised in the borg, shunned our school friends and were not allowed to be involved in anything other that the borg. I was born in and stayed until I was 29. Now five years later I still don't have a lot of friends, but I do have a few. My closest are admittedly ex jw's, but I have made others too. It was hard, and you have to open yourself up to rejection. But, as I said in my previous post, just do what you love to do, get out of the house. Go down to the community center and get involved in something, anything. Pray. The friends will come. I promise.
JOHN
Xena. I never spoke to you personally so i don't understand your hostility towards me. I was giving an outsiders opinion to the topic based on what i see with my own boyfriend who is an ex JW.
I have been with him for 3 years and had to deal with many issues with his family including becoming homeless after his brother kicked him out for using his computer to look at a site much like this one. They no longer speak. I am only able to see his younger (9 year old), autistic brother once or twice a month, my boyfriend sees him even less. His little brother adores us and i know that he misses his older brother terribly. I hate this. I hate what this 'religion' does to families. Since the September 11th attacks his mother has been trying to lead me to the 'truth', I think in the hopes that i will in turn do the same with her son and we can all be one big happy family.I see how twisted this religion is first hand. From these experiences I was offering my own insite.
As for boohooing...i don't take that comment back. I have been lurking on this board for quite some time and have seen this mind set time and time again. You have a unique oportunity to give the gift of knowledge of the evils of this religion to others. I think it's such a waste instead to hold on to fear. You have an extreme amount of people who would be incredibly interested to learn of your experiences. I knew soooo little about the JWs before meeting my boyfriend except that they were annoying And although i could do without the heartache that seems to come with the territory i am richer for what i have learnt.
I am well aware this is an Ex JW forum. I came here to understand the mindset and actions of my boyfriend better and get some insight into what the experience of being so controlled must be like. To be so hostile to me goes against what this forum is design for which is to be informatory to EVERYONE whether they are a JW and ex JW or just an interested party.
You nastiness towards me was uncalled for. I will not and I hope have not returned that in my response as my intent with my first post was not to offend (as i stated) but to share a different point of view. I never said you had to like it or consider it or even bother reading it. If you did not like it then ignore it, don't insinuate that i should leave the topic just because you don't agree with my opinions. Just as you had the right to speak your mind about me and this topic i spoke my own opinion on the topic at hand.
Calling someone wordly may not seem like anything out of the norm for you but for me it is like calling someone a racial slur. It was taught to represent the evil people in the evil world that would all be destroyed soon. Can't you just called us 'the happy nice people' or something.
I'm sorry my existanceand words are offensive to you.I am not offended by you. I respect you. It takes so much courage to leave this organisation. I understand why you are offended .My comments were about a state of mind that everyone goes through not a personality trait hence my statement that it was not intended to offend.
Hi!
I completely understand! I left about a year ago and I still do not have any friends. Worse than that, I don't even know how to go about meeting people. There is an awkwardness in talking with people that makes conversation tense. When your an active jw, you are so busy just trying to keep up with the reading, meetings, etc. that you are left without anything to talk about that "worldy" people are going to want to listen to. All I can say is keep trying. Hopefully, it will get easier.
Beepers
I am curious Bgurltryal would you go to an AA meeting with someone and then tell everyone there who was expressing their feelings about their experience to stop boohooing about it?
It was and is my understanding that this place was made so we could come here and express ourselves regarding our experience as being JW's...good and bad experiences...negative and positative experiences..that would be part of OUR healing process...
I posted on this thread and your post was a general one thereby encompassing me also...and thereby directed at ME also...
Like Somebody and others here I have a hard time trusting people and becoming friends with them. I don't believe anyone could possibly like me much less love me so it is tough for me to maintain friendships. I am haunted by a feeling of complete unworthiness.
I have a bad habit of testing people who reach out to me by seeing just how much they will put up with from me before they reject me. Its a pretty sick game I play. Oh, you like me huh? Well, take that and that and that, do you still like me?
Also, I am hypersensitive to any criticism or lack of consideration from people who want to be around me. 10 minutes late for an appointment with me, then you don't respect me, you don't like me, you are out to get me. Someone not returning a call to me can get them thrown out of my address book. Disagree with me and I'll throw you out of my life. Remind you of any of my recent past behavior on the board.
I thought I was getting a little better, but recent events here on the board and in my private life, show that I haven't come as far as I had hoped.
I don't know if I will ever recover. I, like many of you, could produce a long list of things I think contributed to me being the way I am, but I've examined them over and over and over again my entire life and haven't made much progress.
I wish I could just stop this completely self destructive behavior. Its very tiring for me and all those involved.
I think I do have some friends. Its hard for me to know for sure. I don't feel love. I ask Mitch constantly if he loves me and he tries to reassure me that he does. I can't feel it. I feel very alone.
peace
Joel
I am truely touched that so many of you feel as I do at times.... I now feel the same way Somebody does - like its not an ususual thing - but a "Normal" thing we all go through.
I always try to remember a saying I've come to like :
"Freinds are those who know all of your faults - and still like you"
I think of that often.
JoelBear - I know what you mean about being supersensitive to any critisism, I never was like that prior to my involvement to the Borg. But now I feel its due to the fact that I was trying to "buy my way into the "new System" by working at what the society said to but never reaching the high level of comitment they put on us. We always had to do more than we were - that is such an unfair practice!
I feel that God Accepts us the way we are and wants us to be the nicest person we can be. The idea of working to atain the "prize" is almost like the Roman practice of sacrificing to the God and expecting somethig in return. Funny how a pagan Practice is being activly practiced by those who claim they are not doing anything pagan??
Peace to all
Xena, you'll never make friends with such a hostile attitude.... I think bgurl's point was that instead of directing so much energy towards self-pity we can help other people. I registered myself at allexperts.com as an expert on JW matters. I get about 3-4 emails a week from sincere people asking detailed and thought-provoking questions about the JW faith. Most are NOT JW but people outside needing information because a loved one is in it or about to be in it. Like Bgurl said, we are in a very unique situation where we can help many others avoid the pain we have suffered.
At my old University they had speakers who would talk about the dangers of cults (cults like the 'boston movement' International Church of Christ loved recruiting new zombies from Universities, especially large universities where incoming freshman might feel lonley and vulnerable) Any one of could contribute to society in that manner.
The wisest man on earth is the man who has made the most mistakes.
As for making friends, I was friendless for a while too..I left at 18 so it wasn't as bad for me I think. But I gained alot of friends from college, from my breakdancing hobby and from doing extra work for movies.
There are a lot of weird, interesting acitivties that will gain you cool friends. Ever heard of a airline courier? YOu get to travel to places like europe and exotic islands for either free or like $50 round trip. The catch? Your hired by companies and private citizens who need something hand-delivered to another area FAST and it is apparantly cheaper to ship heavy items by using your luggage space as a passenger than using fedex or other worldwide delivery services. So the catch is you can only take carry-on luggage.
One of my weird jobs is Theatre Open Checking (www.rapidchek.com) where I get paid to watch movies. Its good money, its on the weekends and damnit, free movies and getting paid for it! that rocks! You work for the various movie studios like warner brothers and new line cinema. You work 100% remotely, they gfedex you the assigments, you go and do them then mail them back, 4 weeks later presto a nice paycheck. Just working like 3-4 hours a weekend I get an extra $6,000-$10,000 a year from that job. During the summer you can make as much as $2,000 a month. You meet a lot of fun people and it's just fun in general.
Another weird activity that pays well is being a movie extra. Depending on where you live there can be a large demand for extras. Your start-up cost is about $15 to register with a casting company and then you get calls asking if you are available to be an extra on a tv show, commercial or film. It pays $100 a day and all the free meals you can eat, and you get to meet the stars. Go to www.soyouwanna.com and look up being an extra for more detailed info.
Hobbies in general are the best way to meet peeps with similair interests. Take up archery, a martial art, squirrel juggling, anything you ahve always wanted to try. Many local community centers offer very affordable programs. For example my local CC offers tai chi for only $50 a month.
But in general, youll find that good, close friends are hard to come by and your lucky to have more than one in your life. Treasure real, unconditional friendship wherever you may find it.
hhhmm funny I am not feeling hostile..why is it when you disagree with someone or take exception to a remark made all of the sudden you are hostile?
People come on here and express their innermost feelings and get told to suck it up...lol and I am the hostile one?
But I think I have said more than enough on ths subject...and no doubt on a lot of others too...damn me and my boohooing...
Lydia,
I had always been taught that non JW's were bad people, so when I left I went so far off the rails that worldly people expressed their disapproval of me.
It was then I realised that most ordinary folk are basically kind and helpful, this was a wonderful surprise for me.
Making friends is a snowball operation. The key to making friends is to take a genuine interest in that person, their opinions, their hobbies etc. Making friends is easy if you ask people questions about themselves "So how old is your little one, how does she enjoy playschool, has she escaped the measles bug etc etc?". If you train yourself to listen you will find some marvellous tales that bwill give you a real lift.
Englishman.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....
