Would you do it for the sake of the kids?

pratt1

I have a very close friend, who is still an active dub. We have known each other since we were kids and we have been able to maintain a strong friendship - we are actually more like brothers than friends.

We have reached a truce - I don't try to talk him out of being a dub and he doesn't try to talk me out of being an apostate.

We have both worked hard to honor this rule.

My problem is, I am the "godfather" of his son. Meaning if something should happen to him and his wife, I would raise his son.

I have a very close relationship with the boy, he is 7 and smart as a whip. He spends time with me and my wife and he loves to be around us.

Here's my problem. This little boy is giving his first talk on the ministry school next week. Of course he wants me, his "Uncle" to be there.

I haven't gone to a hall in years and quite frankly, I have no desire to ever go.

Should I go, or should I stand on my principles and not go?

Well - I am going to go because I want to show support for the boy. My wife however has refused to go - I respect her position.

One of the reasons I have tried hard to maintain a relationship with the child is because I want to be an ally for the boy as he grows up and develops his own mind about his life.

I want to support him when he wants to participate in schools sports, or when wants to prepare to go to college, or if he wants to date a girl who is not a dub. His parents think that he won't have these desires since this is the only way of lfe he knows.

What would you do?

Go to the hall to support him?

or

Don't go and show him that staying true to your principles are important? - Will this show him that you should stand for you principles even if it isn't easy?

Your thoughts.

daystar

I suppose it would depend upon what principles you're talking about.

How does it subvert your principles by attending the meeting for his sake? I don't see how it does.

What it will do, if you go, is tell the boy that he is important to you.

Sort of like, if you had a son who was gay. You may not approve of being gay in itself. But if he were to deeply fall in love with someone, would you attend his wedding?

He's not asking you to go out in service with him. He's not asking you to attend meetings, or to get baptized. He's asking you to watch him give his very first public talk, something that is important to him.

Don't question it. Just go. Don't pick apart anything he presents. Tell him how good of a job he did.

OnTheWayOut

I disagree. I say that going is silent approval of his progress in the Borg.
I would just say "Sorry, not going to be there" WHY NOT. "I can't talk about it."

pratt1

Onthewayout - my wife agrees with you.

daystar

I disagree. I say that going is silent approval of his progress in the Borg.

And so when this boy has premarital sex when he's 16 or 17 or 21, or gets caught with a cigarette, and no one else will speak with him because he's been DFd, he won't remember kindly how this guy who was not a Witness and not blood family showed him unreserved kindness and love despite anyone else's view.

There is no reason why he can't attend this kid's talk and still make it clear that he disagrees with the content of it.

AlmostAtheist

I say that going is silent approval of his progress in the Borg.

I agree, but I don't think it's as black-n-white as that. Yes, going would be potentially interpreted as approval. But it would also be interpreted as NOT opposing. So when he gets doubts as he gets older, you won't be on his "enemies" list. You'll be a bridging-friend, not quite a JW, not quite an apostate.

If it were me, I'd go.

Dave

OnTheWayOut

There is no reason why he can't attend this kid's talk and still make it clear that he disagrees with the content of it.

There is a reason- his agreement with his friend. If he tells the boy about his disagreements with the Borg,
that will end his involvement in the boy's life. He can show unconditional love outside the Hall.

I would back down if I were allowed to tell the boy, "I will come, but understand it's just for you. I don't agree
with the subject matter." Figure the odds that Dad will allow that.

restrangled

If you say yes to this, then you'll have to say yes to the rest of the JW BS including attending the kids baptism at age 9. If you want to do the kid a real favor, how about getting him signed up for tee ball or pee wee football and volunteering to be his coach? That is the perfect Uncle/Nephew activity.

Why support the thing that you and your "brother" agreed to remain neutral on. If the roles were reversed would he do the same. No. You don't step inside a KH and he doesn't step foot in your church. That was the agreement.

You will make more of an impression on the kid by being a man and sticking to your guns then kissing the keister of the WTS. This is a male/male dynamic.

r's hubby

reneeisorym

You know how JWs can't do anything the borg doesn't approve first? I think going would show that you are free now to do whatever you want. It will show him that no matter what he does, you'll be there for him. Your love for him is not conditional on what religion he is or what trouble he might get himself into at a later age. If you don't go, he might hate that you have different beliefs. If you go, you'll show him that no matter what your beliefs are, they won't stop you from loving him.

One more thing: If he got disfellowshipped one day, he'll say, "Uncle loved me no matter what. Now those people are shunning me."

daystar

There is a reason- his agreement with his friend. If he tells the boy about his disagreements with the Borg,
that will end his involvement in the boy's life. He can show unconditional love outside the Hall.
I would back down if I were allowed to tell the boy, "I will come, but understand it's just for you. I don't agree
with the subject matter." Figure the odds that Dad will allow that.

I totally understand where you're coming from. But think about something. How many times do we here rail against cold Witnesses who refuse to attend their own son's or daughter's weddings because they're not held in a KH, based upon their "principles"?

If that boy decides to marry, would you refuse to go because he's having it in a KH? Isn't that just as bad as the Witnesses doing the same thing?

I think it would be better to show the boy that he can set aside differences for him as an individual. Chances are, he already has some idea where Pratt stands.

Would you do it for the sake of the kids?

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