Would you do it for the sake of the kids? (page 4)

zagor

...of course one should never underestimate"ab-use" of children to create pity effect. Parents are regularly "encouraged" to use kids in "ministry", hey who can resist a child, right?

pratt1

Thanks for all of your comments.

I can also appreciate both sides of the discussion - Mrs restrangled and Scully was especially interesting.

I will stand by my decision and attend the meeting, however I will take the advice of coming only to hear his talk and then I will leave right after.

My wife's decision is based on her own beliefs. She too is an ex dub. We meet after we both had left the Borg, and one reason we bonded so quickly is because we both shared very similar experiences of growing up in the "lie".

Our families are very close and as I stated before, we were chosen to raise their son in the event of his parents death, something we did not do when it came to the welfare of our daughter.

My goal is to be there for him when he becomes old enough to make his own decisions about his religion and be his ally, something that I didn't have as a child.

Since both my wife and I faded, we were never DFed or DAed, we have manitained some old relationships.

We give this child birthday presents and Christmas presents every year, so he is aware that we don't co-sign on to his parents religious beliefs.

Quite frankly if he was older, 13 or 14 I probably would just explain to him that I disagree with what his parents believe in and leave it that, but at 7, I think he is just too young to comprehend that my absence is not about him, but the religion.

I am also hoping that maybe his parents will view this as a compromise on my part and maybe they will make some compromises in the future that might open their eyes to the truth about the Borg.

Thanks again for your comments.

lrkr

I say that if you allow a difference in belief systems to prevent you from celebrating the personal accomplishment of a close friend you let the "borg" win. Standing in front of 100 people to give a 5 minute reading is an accomplishment when your 30, even more so when you're 7. So celebrate with him.

I've had enough of letting ideas about the meaning of things affect reality- my relationships with others.

Just my two cents.....

under_believer

My opinion is--go see the kid's talk. I wouldn't look at this any differently than attending a school play. It's the kid's moment--he's practiced--he wants approval more for his effort than for the content anyways. Ten years from now the kid will put it all into perspective and understand why you went.

On the other hand not going could be devastating for the child, and could increase his sense of worldly persecution. You are well aware that this is something that the Society exploits to control members--you know the drill "As you advance in your service to Jehovah, some of your friends and relatives will express negative thoughts and may even try to persecute you. This proves that Satan is stepping up worldly pressure on you and that you are doing the right thing!" It's textbook.

My opinion is that not going could undermine any efforts you might try to make in the future to inject balance and rational thinking into his life.

ex-nj-jw

I thought JW's didn't believe in God Parents????? The role as a god parent is to support this child (usually in a religion), raise this child as the parents would, and god forbid something happens to mom and dad, be there to step in as parent again raising this child as his/her parent would.

I would explain to him that I will be there for your part but will leave right after, I'm there for your support as I will always be no matter what.

nj

jaguarbass

I wouldnt go, but I'm a prick and you sound like a nice guy.

cognizant dissident

If we take away the factor that gets all of us ex-JW's so emotionally caught up (which is our aversion to JW bullshit) I think it is possible to get a little more balanced perspective. Suppose, that we were going to a school to hear our child or our favorite nephew or niece participate in their first public debate. What if the child/teen was taking the side in the debate that was totally opposite to what we believed on the subject? Would we say we couldn't attend the debate on principle because we didn't agree with the statements that the child was putting forth in their position? Not likely, I don't believe.

Or, take another scenario. What if we were invited to a Jewish friend or relative's wedding. Or an Indian or Islamic friend's wedding. Would we refuse to attend out of protest because we didn't agree with all the religious words or vows said at the ceremony? Or would we listen quietly out of respect and tolerance for another viewpoint, even if not shared?

To many people in the world and maybe some of us, these things would not be big deals or huge issues at all. They can separate their love and respect and support of the person from agreeing with everything they say and believe. To act as if our very presence in listening to another viewpoint or belief is somehow compromising our principles is what was taught to us by JW's. That's thier game. We don't have to buy into it anymore.

I don't believe in Santa Claus. It doesn't compromise my beliefs or principles to listen to a 7 year old child who does believe in Santa tell me all about him and what he thinks Santa will bring him. (I admit, I often compare belief in God to belief in Santa Claus in my mind now)

I say, if you love the kid, go to hear his talk, tell him ahead of time that you will leave right after but maybe take him out for ice cream when it is over or the next day and tell him what a good speaker he is and how impressed you were with his courage of getting up in front of a large group of people and giving a talk. That's something that is hard for most grown-ups.

Even the need to tell the kid afterwards that you didn't agree with what he said is probably over and above what a 7 year old can deal with. That would be more about your own agenda in "needing to have your views understood". It would do nothing for him. (Maybe if he was a teenager that would be OK). It would also be a good excuse for the parents to limit his association with you. Be there for him and what he needs now, when he is 7, which is probably just a supportive presence, and he will come to you when he is 17 and needs someone to talk to about his "doubts". You are just sowing seeds now and biding your time.

Cog

Would you do it for the sake of the kids?