It sucks to be hurt on purpose ...

by reneeisorym 55 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mary
    Mary
    Maybe some time after the wedding, you could write a letter to your grandparents and express your gratitude to them for showing you, yet again, that you made the right decision to DA from the JWs, considering that they cannot show love and reasonableness that you have come to expect from real Christians. There's nothing quite as humbling for a JW than to hear that they have failed in being loving, when love could have motivated them to very simply politely decline your invitation out of deference to their beliefs. No, they had to go beyond that, and deliver the one-two punch to the gut in order to make their point.

    Excellent point Scully! It never fails to amaze me how Witnesses smugly think they are the most loving people on earth, yet they shun their own flesh and blood because they don't have the same beliefs. The only thing more irritating to a Dub, unless it's when they're lumped in with other cults.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Renee, it sounds like your mom has made a healthy move. She recognized something was broken and she is going about making it right. I'd see your announcement as a catalyst for some positive change in your parent's lives.

    As for your grandparents, their actions bring to mind stories I read of the TB epidemic here in Alberta. Just like AIDS of today, TB was a death sentence. It also was much more contagious. TB patients were locked away in sanatoriums to die or survive, their terrified families dropping them off then running for their lives. I read accounts, just like yours, of families returning mail unopened, terrified that the patient's infection might possibly pass on through the envelope.

    People are people, though, and they must thrive and survive. We can't live in a vaccum. We need to be surrounded by smiles and love. These sanatoriums built up their own culture and their own social clubs, putting on plays and other forms of entertainment.

    So I guess the comparison I see with your own situation, Renee, is that your grandparents may be reacting mostly out of fear, not hate. They fear what you have might be 'catching'. And, regardless of the bad behavior of a few, your heart must expand to a new life and new loves. I am confident you will.

  • poppers
    poppers

    "If I was still there, they would probably still be together."........ Well, that may be true, but that doesn't mean they should be together. The burden of their relationship shouldn't fall on your shoulders. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    (((((Renee))))

    The religion that " shows love" strikes again.

    I am so sorry for the pain they are purposely heaping on you, especially duing such a happy time in your life. JWs seem to have invented their own brand of hatefulness and ways to bring people they SAY THEY LOVE...to their knees. MY daughter went the opposite route, and had planned an entire wedding without letting me or her Dad know a thing about it. Hush-hush, top secret and and all that. We would never have known about this except one of our sons thought it was a pretty tacky move on her part and notified us just before the Big Day. She is a pioneer that married an elder---all very very self-righteous and "organization-minded" dontcha know. Everyone else is SO impressed with them

    Maybe some time after the wedding, you could write a letter to your grandparents and express your gratitude to them for showing you, yet again, that you made the right decision to DA from the JWs, considering that they cannot show love and reasonableness that you have come to expect from real Christians. There's nothing quite as humbling for a JW than to hear that they have failed in being loving, when love could have motivated them to very simply politely decline your invitation out of deference to their beliefs. No, they had to go beyond that, and deliver the one-two punch to the gut in order to make their point.

    I LIKE this idea! I really hope you think about doing this.

    hugs,

    Annie

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    I just really don't understand why they would do something like that.

    Well darling I can understand them When I was a GOOD JW,,,,I would do as the Organization told me!!!!

    That is what your Dad is doing. Have a WONDERFUL wedding... They will laugh at the no booze & no dancing at the wedding, as they say it is good , Jesus turned Water into wine( gives them an excuse to booze it up, My suggestion to you would be pray for them.... & leave them out of your thoughts on your wedding day. THEY WANT YOU TO BE MISERABLE...Dont let them win((((HUG)))

  • reneeisorym
    reneeisorym
    Maybe some time after the wedding, you could write a letter to your grandparents and express your gratitude to them for showing you, yet again, that you made the right decision to DA from the JWs, considering that they cannot show love and reasonableness that you have come to expect from real Christians. There's nothing quite as humbling for a JW than to hear that they have failed in being loving, when love could have motivated them to very simply politely decline your invitation out of deference to their beliefs. No, they had to go beyond that, and deliver the one-two punch to the gut in order to make their point.

    I really am considering writing them a letter. The deal though would be that I need to do it in a way that they would read it before they knew what it was. I'm sure if they could tell who it came from, they wouldn't read it. Any ideas? And I can' t sign it so that they don't see my name and refuse to read it. I do like the message you suggested.

    Maybe:

    Thank you for showing me yet again that I made the right decision considering that you could not show the love and reasonableness that I have come to expect from real Christians. Love would have motivated you to simply decline the invitation.

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    Renee, we all have some funky weird relatives, huh? I hope all works out well for you. I don't like your grandparents much. . .do they have some redeeming qualities? And your dad won't LET her (mom) go to wedding? Is this the middle ages? She should go and then see what happens. If your dad has issues with it, I guess he can turn her into the gestapo-er, elders if he thinks it is necessary. Kind of not liking him so much right now either. Your mom is being bold and brave. She may just be the relative that deserves such a wonderful daughter as you.

    Shelly

  • Scully
    Scully

    I really am considering writing them a letter. The deal though would be that I need to do it in a way that they would read it before they knew what it was. I'm sure if they could tell who it came from, they wouldn't read it. Any ideas? And I can' t sign it so that they don't see my name and refuse to read it. I do like the message you suggested.

    Maybe:

    Thank you for showing me yet again that I made the right decision considering that you could not show the love and reasonableness that I have come to expect from real Christians. Love would have motivated you to simply decline the invitation.

    How about a postcard? No envelope to open, text is right there - and they can't avoid reading it. No return address required.

  • reneeisorym
    reneeisorym

    Postcard is a good idea!

    And my grandparents were always so sweet. They were superdubs but they would always stand up for what was "right" and wouldn't try to just please everyone. My grandpa actually told me once that I could take the Christmas present from my employer because I earned it. He is the presiding overseer. I think they really are doing what they think is right. They are just brainwashed. BADLY.....

    My mom has hurt me her fair share. When she hurts she wants me to hurt. She is the best out of all of them but my mom is just as brainwashed as any of them. She just happens to love me very much at the same time.

    My dad thinks he's loving me by shunning me... strange people.

  • reneeisorym
    reneeisorym
    screw 'em all. Let's get down to important details. Where are you registered? Anything online? How many brides maids? Colors? Flowers? I like all those details - I don't have to go to the wedding to enjoy the process.

    I am registered at Belk and Dillard's.

    I have 5 attendants -- 3 bridesmaids, 1 MAN of honor, and 1 flower girl. Their dresses are on my myspace page but I couldn't link to the pictures since myspace is down at this very second. www.myspace.com/reneeinms My dress pictures are there too. I have a cathedral veil with a long train on my white dress. My flowergirl is wearing a ivory dress. The bridesmaids are wearing navy blue dresses with ivory sashes. The flowers are pink, ivory, blue, and white. My bouquet has lillies, orchids, and pink roses. Picture (only imagine in pink): http://www.ftdfloristsonline.com/withersflorist/product.html?website_id=505545495249496565&source=&product_id=W15-3586&catalog_website_id=&index_id=fol_party The tuxes are black with navy blue vests/tie. The wedding is in my church's chapel. The church is an old church that is all freshly remodled. Kind of gothic looking on the outside. It holds about 200 people. I am expecting about 75 to the wedding. The chapel is mostly all wood with stained glass windows. 2 Ferns, 1 big flower arrangement, and bows and flowers just on the first two pews. And wooden candle thingies (I can't remember what you call them!!) My apostate cousin is walking me down the aisle. His wife is going to be my pretend mother. The programs have a cross and wedding rings and "Our Wedding Service" embossed on the front. The names of people and songs are inside. A poem about Jesus being the center of our marriage is on the back. (I had to do the cross on purpose.) I considered having marriage is God's arrangement played and then after all of this commotion I decided that the song might make me puke and I went with another song that I can't remember the name of but its a typical wedding song. The reception is in the fellowship hall in the church. The cake is 3-tiered hexigon shaped. The topper is flowers (I never have liked the figurines on the top of the cake) It has those columns between the layers. The groomscake is 2 tiers with chocolate covered strawberries The napkins are ivory with dark blue writing. It says "And the two shall become one ... Kevin and Renee.... June 30, 2007" The tables have a tall flower arrangement in the center. The wedding favors are kissing bells (the bells that everytime people ring the bells we have to kiss). We are having a sit down catered meal. The menu is: Chicken Phyllo Cups Smoked Beef Tenderloin served with Jezebel Sauce and rolls Shrimp Cocktail Spread served with Crackers Hot Artichoke & Bacon served with Triscuits MS Sin Dip served with Fritos Fresh Vegetables served with Ranch Dressing Seasonal Fruit served with Amaretto Crème DipCubed Cheese
    Grilled Vegetables
    Pasta Salad

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