How Do You Now Console Someone Who Has Lost Someone In Death?
by minimus 23 Replies latest jw friends
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minimus
Thank you all. By the sea, my friend isn't a JW.
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144001
I have recently experienced the death of someone I loved very much and based on my personal experience, I believe that there is nothing that can bring real comfort to the surviving family of the deceased. There are temporary escapes, but eventually one must deal with the fact that the deceased is gone, and no booze, drugs or cults will change that fact.
Rather than go on with the canned "I'm so sorry for your loss" that everyone, including the funeral directors, seems programmed to say, you might want to see if there is anything you can do to help your friend with any of the practical realities of death, such as assisting with funeral arrangements, contributing money, etc.. Providing assistance to the surviving family is the best form of consolation you can give.
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averyniceguy
Oh I see that your friend is not JW, if I had known that, I would not have suggested the JW card. There are JW blank cards at the website, but anyway, like one suggest that you just be there for him.
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minimus
My friend and I are quite close. After his family, I got the 1st call. About a year and a half ago, my friend's brother suddenly died from a major heart attack. Like the son, someone checked on him and found him dead in bed. The sad thing is that my friend and his son lived together after my friend's separation and divorce. It will be very difficult for him to stay alone in his son's house. But I do know he's finding comfort in certain scriptures as he asked me where he could locate certain verses. Right now, his very large (mostly Witness family) is surrounding him and for what it's worth these people are very nice human beings.
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jaguarbass
Thats a tough one. 54 years in this dimension has left me with no faith that is quantifiable. And if you offer faith, your really just acting like a snake oil salesman for someone else. But in times of trouble do you want to be a cold realist to someone you have a relationship with? I'm thinking maybe you have to lie to him and tell him his son is with God now. Then go out and have a couple of stiff drinks and forgive yourself.
I guess this situation is the down side to atheism. Still it may be an honest reality. I am not saying your an atheist.
I guess you could say to your dear friend, I am no longer qualified to give scriptural guidance or advice and leave it at that.
When my father died my family got into passing over to the othe side with Johnathan Edwards.
Whatever you say or don't say is a temporary fix. Up to this time in history there are no quantifiable answers to your question. So anything anyone says will be just to help time pass.
Time is the great healer in these matters.
Time and Jack Daniels. And then aa. Its a process. I havent seen any short cuts. Its a season of pain.
But if you want to crawl back to the bible you could offer the 91st Psalms the first 2 verses and hope he doesnt read any further. There is a good chance he wont.
1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the L ORD , He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Then you could avoid dealing with the gloomy realities of life in his moment of need.
I think thats what 99% of your Christian preachers do.
See the downside to the bible is when the contradiction of disqualifier kicks in because if you read furhter down it says if you do the above ,"make the lord your refuge" No calamity or evil will befall you."
God's alter ego the Debil always gets in the details.
So just quote verse 1&2 and then talk about baseball.
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Blueblades
If he is a Bible believer show him the scripture where it says that Jesus wept, and then raised Lazarurs from the dead. That even Jesus wept over the death of his dear friend should console him some. Then he resurrected Lazarus should give him hope for the future. Just be there for him.
Blueblades
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PinTail
I lost my dear daughter October 8th of 2005, from the affects of Methadone as it was prescribed by a doctor for pain, watch out with this drug.
Anyway, at that time the deep tearing at my heart and the empty feeling in my chest that comes with losing someone you love so much is just awful. I believe Jehovah directed me to the International Bible Students at that time, because they showed such compassion to me though I was raised a Jehovah's Witness's, I had Bible Students sending me emails and cards and letters of encouragement from all over the United States.
To sum it up, the Bible Students always proclaim, unlike the Witness's that "ALL" those who have died will live again soon, even Adam and Eve. This is not what I was used to hearing, for the Witness's seem to feel other wise, and venture the idea that Christ's death dose not cover this group or that person or persons. When I heard their message that "everyone who has ever lived WILL live again" it caused a flood of tears down my face, because my daughter was disfellowshipped at the time of her death and the Witness's took it upon themselves to hold a judging position, of nullifying Christ's redemptive powers of his death. The true hope for the dead is much more beautiful now. http://www.divineplan.org/
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minimus
Thanks all, again. Just being there for him, I think, especially AFTER his family goes back to their homes is what I will do. His sister thanked me for always being there for her brother today. Now the family will console each other and then I'll make myself even more available.
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lonelysheep
I've found that your presence alone can make a difference.