by The wanderer 12 Replies latest jw friends
These elders lied to me to get my son to the jc. meetings. They promised us that they only wanted to help him and the body of elders that I served with at the time gave me their word that they would not df him. the other party was not df. This was the straw that broke the camels back and led to our finding out many other lies told to us. I.E. another best of the best topics that we wrote: Appealing an appeal. Read this one also to see the lies told there.
Blueblades
Emotionally stormy.
I saw it coming and consciously triggered the process to a large extent.
Yet after I was summoned to a JC, at the end of a heated meeting with the BOE (+ 2 COs, strangely sent together to my congregation), I remember breaking down in tears in a subway station: it was happening, now.
At some point during the D day, I felt overwhelmed with the "guilt of pride" (perhaps the major tool of mind control still effective on me). As a result I went to the JC with a rather lowly and calm attitude. I was asked the expected list of doctrinal questions (to answer by "yes" or "no") and my answers were mostly on the pattern: "Sincerely I can't say at this point I believe that, and I cannot teach it right now. I can be wrong but today I can't say anything else." The discussion however lasted several hours as they couldn't help to try arguing, and their arguments were very weak. They only took a few minutes of deliberation to df me.
I appealed the decision (formally, because they df'd me on the "grounds" of 2 John 9-11 whereas the only think they could blame me for was, precisely, not stepping forward of Christ's teaching). As I was waiting for the appeal Committee in the KH entrance, I remember opening my Bible at random and reading Psalm 109. V. 28 in particular struck me: Let them curse, you will bless.
When I entered the room, seeing the two COs sitting on the appeal Committee (they had obviously arranged for the first but abstained to be part of it, with that in mind) I couldn't help laughing. This time I was a bit more aggressive. In the discussion I said that seeing how the whole thing had obviously be directed from Bethel I was starting to understand what must have happened with Raymond Franz and others in Brooklyn a few years before. The session was short. The decision, as expected.
After I was mostly relieved, but it took me a couple of weeks to fully realise this chapter (of 14 years) had really ended, though. I slept a lot, dreaming of dear JW friends, waking up to realise it was over, crying myself asleep again, until the tears finally dried up. A few weeks later I was surprised how easily I had already moved on.
My mindset was....crazy, crazy, crazy, do I really have the guts to walk away and not go back? What if my parents do a good job at convincing me to stay? Will I succumb and give in to them like I always did? Will I have enough money? Will I be successful out there? Will I get pregnant and turn to drugs? Will I just screw up my life? Will I die at Armagedon? Why does this decision feel so good and exciting? Is that Satan? Am I strong enough?....keep in mind 15 years ago when I left, I still had the JW mind set...Turns out I was strong enough.
Nikki
