One more thing, Amanda was my first true love, and probably my last. I will remain single till the day I die.
You Were My First Love And Youll Be My Last Love ...
by The wanderer 35 Replies latest jw friends
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nvrgnbk
To sum it all up:
It's complicated.
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Paralipomenon
My take on it? Friendship.
I'm a strong believer that you should be friends before lovers, because once the infatuation wears off, you'll still have a good solid foundation of friendship to continue building your relationship on. -
Mulan
Good question, but I have no idea if there is one "glue" that holds it together.
I've been married almost 45 years, since I was only 17 and Dave was 19. I loved him as best a 17 year old can, but grew to really love him as the years went on. He was a very hard worker, learned a trade and really "brought home the bacon".
They were different times, and I didn't work for almost 30 years after we married. Only when our daughter was getting married did we start a small housecleaning business to earn extra money for her wedding. Then I kept doing it to have more money.
For us, we grew up together, as JW's too. That helped hold us together I am quite sure. For the most part, I was a good little JW elder's wife, submissive, always in public, but I insisted he hear me and consider my opinions and he did. We raised a wonderful family of four children, not always agreeing on everything, fighting like everyone else does, but the arguments never were more than minor things. We have always been able to have long, interesting conversations. We never run out of things to talk about, laugh about and things to disagree about.
Since leaving the WTS 10 years ago, he doesn't try to control me anymore. I think we have more respect for each other than at any other time in our marriage. Could be that we have no kids at home anymore and are very used to each other too, but I think leaving that religion helped too.
So, is there a secret or a "glue" that holds it together? Maybe it's just hard work and determination that it won't fail. Communication........you have to be able to talk. Or maybe it's just "LOVE".
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Outaservice
PIONEERING TOGETHER ???????
OUTASERVICE
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nvrgnbk
PIONEERING TOGETHER ???????
Ahhhh. The memories.
Thanks for taking me back, Outaservice.
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Blueblades
We will be celebrating 40 years, this December 24th XMas Eve. We raised two boys that are now grown men in their 30's. One married, has a business and has given us a Grandson, he will be three years old in September. The other is still single and is doing well for himself. We all left the Watchtower together and life is much better now.
Love is the glue for us. How we made the marriage last: Remembering our vows to each other, to love and cherish each other come what may.The birth of our sons was a form of glue. Our family has stuck together through the hard times, through thick and thin as the saying goes. We had our ups and downs and rocky parts like many other marriages. During the hard times when finances were not that good, my wife use to ask me: "You got any extra" She always to this day has not held back and has given our family extra. She's given of herself, putting us first at all times. I will never leave her for anyone else nor will I abandon her in our old age. She has given me her youth, her beauty, and two sons. She has taken good care of us all. While we all lose our youth, she has not lost her beauty!
She has a saying: " The Lid is Still Open" ( the coffin ) and as long as it is, she will continue to speak her mind to both the boys and me. Which we hope is a long, long time to come.
When we tell people that my wife and I had only one argument in 40 years, they don't believe us! When we tell them that it's still going on, we get lots of laugh.
There is more, but that's enough for your question.
Blueblades
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cruzanheart
Chris and I are soulmates. We can finish each other's sentences and agree on most things, in spite of the rocky rollercoaster ride that is raising a teenage girl. When we first met, there was an almost instant connection mentally as well as physical attraction. And we talk to each other. A LOT! Granted, finishing sentences mentally or verbally has been seriously cramped with the advent of two children and a succession of dogs, but we're hanging in there. Email helps!
Love deepens each day, with the little things: a backrub without being asked, buying a favorite food, a kiss in passing, sometims just a glance and a little smile.
In 10 days we'll be married 24 years!
Nina
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anewme
The simplicity of Humper's comment amazes me! I agree with it wholeheartedly!
Honesty, likes in common, and sexual appeal can help love to last and last. Pretty simple.
They are the basics that need to be there.
I think you can have this combo with a lot of people. Trouble is finding them all. But contentment comes from finding at least one person who clicks like this.
I think the cult throws a monkey wrench in relationships and becomes a nosy interfering third party.
Finding true love outside the cult is so much more relaxing and intimate and private.
I still love my ex. I also love my current husband. They are two different men who require very different things to keep them happy and make them feel loved. Therein lies the key.
What does it take to make the other person truly happy? If the price is too high for you it will not work in the long run. People come with different conditions and demands. Are you willing to pay the price that comes with them? We come with a price too. We all have idiosyncrasies that are challenging to another person.
Sometimes we try and love a person for many years, and ignore the truth that the price was too high. Or we mature and change and tire of trying to please them. Our love bank for them has been overdrawn.
Getting help from professionals and talking with others as on this forum is so helpful to gain insight and understanding and peace regarding failed attempts at love.
And remember, in this life, love at its best can be separated by the death of one lover. So even those who are successful in love must eventually deal with its grief and loss.
Anewme -
anewme
Cruzan Heart's comment on love touches------A BIG YES!!! Love Touches were completely absent from my last marriage! Love Touches are the passing shoulder massages, the hugs and kisses before going off to work, the embraces in the backyard, the playful pulling to the couch, etc...
The attempts to let the other know they are desired, adored and loved, still after all the years.
Yes, very important to men and women.
We all know women want to feel desired. But women did you know men need to feel desired too?
Their hearts crave to know they are loved and needed too. So it is just as important for women to take the initiative and make their men know they are adored. Without all these, a couple can grow apart and seek
their basic needs from someone else.