Dear BlueBlades, Cruzanheart and Anewme:
Extremely touching, sensitive and thoughtful commentary.
Wow! I got more then I bargined for regarding a simple
question.
Thank you all for putting your heart and soul into
the commentary.
Peace, Love and Happiness to all.
Very respectfully,
The Wanderer
You Were My First Love And Youll Be My Last Love ...
by The wanderer 35 Replies latest jw friends
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The wanderer
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delilah
Love Touches are the passing shoulder massages, the hugs and kisses before going off to work, the embraces in the backyard, the playful pulling to the couch, etc...
The attempts to let the other know they are desired, adored and loved, still after all the years.How true!! The text messages every day from work, the way my heart jumps when I pick him up at work....the whispered "I love You's" before falling asleep. Buying his favorite scotch at the end of a busy week.....and yes, finishing each other's sentences....Also, the "I'm really sorry's", after an arguement, and making up...
Allowing each other to be their own person, and being able to express yourself freely....
It all makes for a good, bonding marriage. My husband wasn't my first love, but he is my one and only TRUE love...we are soulmates.
Happy anniversary Cruzanheart and Big Tex.
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jaguarbass
Hello Richard, I have been married to the same woman since 72 thats 35 years.
I don't know what the glue is. I married someone i found very attractive, lived my life and time flew by. My parents were married 52 years until my father died. I copied my father in various things maybe staying married was one.
I found my wife attractive, we enjoyed each others company, We raised a son, We were/are a family, I paid my home off 12 years ago and live rent free. If we had any little difficulties I'm sure we or at least I would think long and hard about living rent free in paradise or paying rent or a mortgage. We both have retirement savings so we are looking forward to retiring together. I work midnights for the past 3 years but I have the weekends off and we do something together on the weekends. I have my own den/ office/ music studio with all my toys. She has the rest of the house.
Life kind of just happens. I never wished to be a witness that happened. I got married in 72. I look at my watch 36 years latter I'm still married. I'm guessing the glue is financial stability. Thats what many woman are looking for out of the box, A man to take care of and protect her. If the basic needs are met some people are content. But if there is kaos and unstability people try to rectify that and find calmer seas. Also good genes. Outside of the JW episode in our lifes, neither of us are crazy. I've tried different things in my life some of them worked some of them didnt. I just get up each afternoon and put one foot in front of the other.
Also speaking for myself, I got some messages from the witnoids that encouraged and promoted a long married life and they probably took hold. I lived most of my life not watching television. So I was not bombarded with the spirit of the world which promotes everyone to be the ultimate consumer and to please themselves at all cost. To tell you the truth I dont know what tv promotes because I dont watch it. But I have read enough to know it promotes what the sponsors are selling. I know the corrections officers I work with who spend their lives watching tv are quick to resort to violence, pulling knives and guns, saying they will shoot and they go through a lot of relationships.
So I see young people today many of them were raised by fox, NBc, CBS, ABc, HBO,Showtime etc. My wife and I were raised by a magazine publishing company that promoted famly values.
I would guess half of my witnoid friends got divorced. But some of them were from my parents generation, I dont know what their upbringing was. And just because someone went to meetings doesnt mean they were paying attention or applying what they learned.
But then again I can tell you about these factors. I started my adult life being thrown out of my home by my father, He was not a witness. I can look back and see that he was very irritated by my being confused and directionless. I blame him 50% for that he allowed a publishing company to do his job. The other 50% I blame my mother. So it was traumatic being thrown out on the street. When I found a wife and started a home, I didnt want to be back out on the street again as I knew I could never go back to my parents. So I made it work. Then when we had a son.. It was very difficult financially, But I knew it was cheaper for me to pay for one roof than for 2 roofs, So I made it work.
Time passed and here I am. I'm doing ok for a 55 year old man. I dont know anyone who has anything that I envy or want short of a retirement plan that they are currently drawing on. I got all the toys, I want, I have travelled enough to suit my curiosity. I would like to be young again but no one who has been here as long as I have can have that.
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Vernon Williams
Mrs. Williams and I have 32 years together.
Our "glue" was our individual commitment to our vows: JW wedding at that!
I count my wife's endurance as 99 percent of our being together.
Since being baptized a Christian and submitting to a Lord of Love and Mercy I know this: I will only be shown by Him what I show to my wife. I think about that each day. I am convinced my judgement, because of my egotism, hard headedness, and arrogance, will hinge on this relationship and how, with His help, I overcome these horrid traits. Also, I, now, see my wife as the super star she is and has been since my "reality vision" has emproved.
Just some thoughts,
V
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nowisee
been married twice. the first time 6 years (7 officially), the current going on 19. the main difference i see is that in the first one we tore each other down, were self absorbed and interested in our own needs. in this marriage i think we make a definite effort to look for the good in each other, build each other up in word and deed, and accommodate each other's needs whatever they may be. though i certainly did find the best possible man for me, patient, understanding, loving and affectionate. we have both been through therapy also, and i think self-knowledge helps a lot. best wishes chris and nina. nowisee
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outoftheorg?
There is one word I expected to see used, in this conversation regarding maintaining a loving lasting marriage. That word is respect.
This feeling, this putting the others thoughts and recommendations, as an important part of ones decisions and actions, can be demonstrated in many ways in almost all of our relationship with another.
I became more aware of this, when my now deceased wife told me that I was more respectful of her thoughts and input than any one else in her family.
At that point she thanked me for also requiring more respect for her from her children and other inlaws and relatives. Some of them were actually angry with me for not letting them treat her with disrespect, as if she had no right to be respected.
Outoftheorg?
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Mulan
There is one word I expected to see used, in this conversation regarding maintaining a loving lasting marriage. That word is respect.
I said it in my post.
<<Since leaving the WTS 10 years ago, he doesn't try to control me anymore. I think we have more respect for each other than at any other time in our marriage. Could be that we have no kids at home anymore and are very used to each other too, but I think leaving that religion helped too. >>
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ninja
what keeps me and my wife together is food and sex...let me explain.......she treats me like a god....she gives me burnt offerings every night.....and we have loads of sex....sometimes even with each other.......muhahahahaha.......kidding ...ninja
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Stealth453
After 20 years with my sweetheart, I can say that it is communication and understanding.
Great sex helps too.
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Who are you?
been married twice. the first time 6 years (7 officially), the current going on 19. the main difference i see is that in the first one we tore each other down, were self absorbed and interested in our own needs. in this marriage i think we make a definite effort to look for the good in each other, build each other up in word and deed, and accommodate each other's needs whatever they may be. though i certainly did find the best possible man for me, patient, understanding, loving and affectionate. we have both been through therapy also, and i think self-knowledge helps a lot. best wishes chris and nina. nowisee
Great post nowisee...I've been married 27 years and could combine your thoughts on both marriages into stages within my one marriage.
All marriages have stages and phases as you mature and address all of the inevitable issues that every couple sooner or later deals with.
One thing that I've noticed after all these years, is that we each are/were better at some phases as a mate and parent then others.
Marriage is sometimes like a roller coaster full of ups and downs and zigs and zags....it's important to be with someone that realizes this and can get used to enjoying the ride, instead of constantly screaming in your ear to make it stop.