Nothing worse than having a selfish mate....sometimes we just have to give in a little and that goes for both sides. Good communication helps also. But Selfishness is usually the problem that kills the marriage.
You Were My First Love And Youll Be My Last Love ...
by The wanderer 35 Replies latest jw friends
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ninja
hey tophat....that is why 2 clams can never stay married....they are 2 shellfish.....ahem...I'm going...I'm going
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brinjen
what keeps me and my wife together is food and sex...let me explain.......she treats me like a god....she gives me burnt offerings every night.....and we have loads of sex....sometimes even with each other.......muhahahahaha.......kidding ...ninja
Oh yeah it's always much more fun with another person! (Ninja you crack me up!)
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greendawn
I believe it has to do with the culture of the times in the past people were more serious and capable of undertaking long term commitments whereas in the modern setting there is an attitude of immaturity and insincerity which leads to an ephemeral and flimsy approach to life with the big "I" being at the centre of everything.
That's why the family today is a mess with high divorce rates and dysfunctional homes. In the past the fear of the social stigma on the divorced may have kept some marriages together that would have fallen apart but it was mainly the culture of the times that kept down the divorce numbers.
I noticed that divorce rates are lower among the Southern European Catholic/Orthodox countries and higher among the more Protestant Northern Europeans and also among the long time atheistic Eastern European countries.
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junctions-wife
I can base my answer on my grandparents marriage and other family members. My grandparents were married for 60 years. We lost Grandpa 6 days before their 61st anniversary. My uncles and aunts have been married for almost fifty years or so. Before we lost my aunts. My parents were married for ten years and got divorced. Mom remarried and the 2nd marriage has lasted 23 years this July. I really think it is all about timing and a little romance. My mom would say don't go to bed angry at your partner. Grandpa would say let the woman rule the nest like Grandma did. With me I don't think I'll ever marry again. Just due to the fact I can't find the right person. Yes, I am talking to someone right now. But who knows. There has only been 4 people out of my imediate family that has been divorced. And I think that was because we married the wrong people for us.
Amanda
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GentlyFeral
Thread resurrection – don't you love it? :-)
anewme,
What does it take to make the other person truly happy? If the price is too high for you it will not work in the long run.
Halfway down the first page, and you are the first person to say anything of this kind. Marriages fail, not only because of selfishness; not because of failure of willpower; but because one (or both) demands or needs what the other cannot give.
My husband and I have been extremely lucky in that regard. AlmostAtheist said that you can't depend on life's changes and growth experiences leading you and your spouse in the same direction. I'm not sure if that's true or not. Surely proximity and influence count for something?
Anyway, I suppose we are, in some respects, "growing apart." But that's not a bad thing: we are not becoming alienated from each other, we are simply exploring different territory. Most of these separate explorations are about intellectual and artistic matters, which don't always carry the same emotional weight as, for instance, exploring new areas of sexuality -- but we've done that too, and it's brought us closer rather than driven us apart (even though we have ended up in somewhat different places). Religion/spirituality is another highly charged area of life which could operate as a wedge between us -- but we don't allow it. We've done that, got burned, and won't submit to such an experience again. God can take care of Itself; we must take care of each other.
(Incidentally, I realized that it was safe to leave the jaydubs when I discovered that Jehovah himself was unable to break us up. And I felt that he had tried!)
gently feral