Lots of good suggestions & comments on here. I will say that usually by the time an abuser makes visible marks, he's run off a girl's support system and torn down her self-esteem. I think discreetly checking to see if someone is okay is good because sometimes all it takes is just having someone else validate that this-is-not-right feeling at the right time. Being loud or pushy is not. If they're polite, I'd try to be polite, but I'm sure that gets really tiresome. But if they're rude, say whatever you feel like saying right then. How about, "My husband knows better -- I shot my first husband"?
Is it appropriate for a stranger to comment on a woman's bruises?
by rebel8 36 Replies latest social relationships
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orbison11
well, when my the jw husband beat the cxxx outta me,,,
and i had to do various things,,ie police station,, doctors, mall, there were many who approached me,,,it was bad
the cops called me rocky,,,affectionately,,,not at all in a bad way,,,as in raccoon eyes, it was bad
one time at the mall, i was just sitting on a bench,,and one tends to forget they look so hideousl,,,this mature lady came and sat next to me,,and started to tell me her story,,and how she got out,,etc,,,,,
was actually an act of love from her,,,,,when you have been there, you so want to give some kind of helping hand out to others
just my 2cents
orb
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AuldSoul
I would round on them and say,
"If you think FOR ONE SECOND that I would be so weak-spined as to let someone hurt me without them paying for it with their LIFE, then you don't know me very well at all! Oh wait! You DON'T know me at all, do you? You see a person with BRUISES and ASSUME she needs rescuing, but you don't even know my NAME! I am not your 'Cause du jour' find an actual victim for your pathos. Good day!"
The more public the better, I say. Let them stammer a bit over that one.
Respectfully,
AuldSoul -
JWdaughter
It is not very appropriate, but it's usually done out of concern; who among us wants to be among the crowd that ignores (apparently) blatant signs of abuse and later find the woman has been murdered? If they comment to the point of the extreme rudeness that you described, I would tell them, "Not that it is any of your business, but these bruises are not the results of abuse". Just slighty nosy concern or totally genuine concern can be given a gentle response with any info you care to reveal.
I am on the other side of this with a child who bruises so much that some had formed over the course of a doctor visit! It was fun explaining to the ER folks!
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Soledad
You must live in a very nice community if complete strangers are coming up to you like that.
Just tell them the name of your condition. It's a medical problem.
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tula
Rebel, I would like to make a comment in general for people who have problems with bruising easily. Sometimes this can be a symptom of lack of vitamin C. There was a time when the human body manufactured vitamin C, but there was a DNA change along the way---another big mystery--and now neither primates nor humans can manufacture vitamin c, so we must get this one vitamin from outside sources.
Also, for people who bruise easily due to taking drugs like coumadin or warfarin, I make a salve that has helped many little old ladies who were bruising and had break through bleeding.
I used dried comfrey leaves and put about a big handful of them in a small crock pot on low with some coconut oil. (you can use olive oil, but it will eventually go rancid. Coconut oil will never go rancid.) After a very low, just warm, fusion for a few hours, I continue to let the leaves and oil fuse for a couple of days. Then strain the leaves through cheesecloth. You can bottle it and use it as an oil this way. But for my formula, I take one more step. I add a little bit of melted beeswax. This makes it creamy and not oily.
Many of the ladies I sold to told me it worked so well for them that it actually changed the integrity of their skin and they felt their skin became stronger, thicker, and less likely to tear.
Also, I found a product which is made from the enzyme of the silk worm. If you know the tensile strength of silk (bullet proof vests are made from this) then you know the enzyme must be potent to dissolve the silk for the creature to leave the cocoon. This enzyme is reputed to dissolve blood clots, arterial plaque, and amyloid plaque in the brain (which is thought to contribute to Alzheimer's) adhesions, and keloid scars. If anyone is interested in knowing more, this enzyme goes under the name serrapeptase. You can research this info and product line on your own. I also very strongly advise that you discuss all information with your physician. I never advise anyone to self diagnose or self medicate.
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Gill
((( rebel8 )))) although I understand why you find people like this annoying, at least they DO say something and some of them, if you really were in a dangerous or abusive relationship might just be able to help you!
As irritating and interfering as some people are, at least they have taken note of another person's 'problem' whether they are right or not about the cause of that problem.
Hope you killed that damned mosquito!!